I miss being stressed out about “normal” stuff

[affirmatice]

Like everyone my age. Seems like their biggest worries are dating/relationship problems, work is stressful, or their family has some problems.

Like - normal stuff that almost every human experiences.

I can't even relate at this point. Back when I was mentally healthier, I thought i was super stressed because I failed a test, or I didn't have enough friends, or I had some acne, or my grandma was sick. But I look back and realize it was good, somewhat "healthy" things to be worried about

at this point Im fighting such an immensely difficult/hopeless battle that like it's just killed me. I wish I was stressed out about normal things. I wish I had enough energy to care about those things like I used to. I wish I could relate to my friends when they're ranting about work being hard, and I'm just sitting there thinking about how I'm gonna CTB in the future. It's insane the position I'm in that just feels so abnormally hopeless

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I've definitely been there before too...It sucks so much...

 

[divinemistress87]

I feel this so much I want normal people problems

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm suicidal because I struggle with normal stuff. It's interesting at how different everybody's level of tolerance to suffering is

 

[savory]

I'm suicidal because I struggle with normal stuff. It's interesting at how different everybody's level of tolerance to suffering is

Ditto, I have trouble relating here

 

[SoulCage]

Such a good point. Your examples triggered some of my old memories and it's really sad. Coping with unpleasant experiences or problem solving just came natural to me. Like it seems to be natural for "normal" people.

"Why am I even doing this, I will ctb anyway".
This thought/feeling is coming up whenever I try to fix something. I should at least try it, but is it worth the effort/pain if I am just one more traumatic experience away from ending it?
It's so paralyzing...

 

[affirmatice]

Ditto, I have trouble relating here

Not at all to diminish these things. They are very stressful stuff, especially finances, relationships, etc. can definitely be difficult to deal with.

I guess I'm lucky because I have never struggled so much in those areas. Although they are still somewhat stressful for anyone.

I guess the thing about me is my biggest problem is one that is profoundly difficult to talk about. Beyond being extremely difficult for me to deal with, I hold it like a massive weight on my shoulders, can't talk about it, can't share it, so it's become this deep dark pit in my mind that has festered for many years. I just cant, my own mind cannot even cope with this, much less be able to share it with others.

Talking doesn't always make things better. But at least I wish I could share my struggles with people that somewhat relate. Instead, it's just dragged my soul down, and now it just sits there, and it stands in the way of everything

 

[persuasion]

I have all these normal worries right now. You know it's kind of funny. I realise that if I hadn't these worries, I again would just fall back in this black hole I've known for so many years. The normal worries shield those existential worries, even though the existential, suicidal ones from time to time keep coming back, but there not present constantly like they used. But I can say that the normal worries are not in any way better. They are still pretty fucked up. Back then I used to think that people with normal worries like relationship, work, family and so on don't have 'real' problems. That's wrong. In many ways it's equally bad, in some aspects even worse, in some aspects better though, the dissociation and derealization is less sensible, and these are horrible, but still sometimes I think is it really worth it to try to hold on to a life that is full enough to have no space for existential dread? I'm really not sure. I'm just fucking scared. I'm acting on anxiety and all life choices seem to be stressful and in the end wrong, so I just try to hold on, somehow, blindly.

 

[savory]

Not at all to diminish these things. They are very stressful stuff, especially finances, relationships, etc. can definitely be difficult to deal with.

I guess I'm lucky because I have never struggled so much in those areas. Although they are still somewhat stressful for anyone.

I guess the thing about me is my biggest problem is one that is profoundly difficult to talk about. Beyond being extremely difficult for me to deal with, I hold it like a massive weight on my shoulders, can't talk about it, can't share it, so it's become this deep dark pit in my mind that has festered for many years. I just cant, my own mind cannot even cope with this, much less be able to share it with others.

Talking doesn't always make things better. But at least I wish I could share my struggles with people that somewhat relate. Instead, it's just dragged my soul down, and now it just sits there, and it stands in the way of everything

Likewise I didn't mean to diminish your experiences, obviously you have your reasons for being on this particular website. I wasn't sure how to reply to you except send a hug. Admittedly I could've been more engaging and thoughtful!

I appreciate you sharing further and I do understand the burden you speak of. My best friend whom I've known a very long time and has persistent SI himself, I don't think we've ever really, really discussed suicide. I just realized. Not in a calm or truly supportive manner like on this site.

Very negative thoughts I have about myself and my life, there's a lot I hold back. Some things difficult even to write down in a journal, things I don't want to acknowledge because they're that painful or humiliating. So, I think I get it and I hope you'll feel more comfortable expressing yourself here and find it beneficial