I'm glad you found a community of people with whom you can share each other struggles! Would you mind sharing the community (via PM). I've been looking for something like this! If you don't want to share it's all good :-)
Wishing you and anyone who reads this lots of happiness, strength and power!
Keep on fighting, one tiny step at a time :-)
Dear beyondthestars,
Sorry for my late reply, I'm not here often, I love this community but it also feeds my dark side.
(Do you know this story about the two wolves in your heart? Grandmother sits by the fire and talks to her grandchild. She said: "In your heart there are two wolves, the good and the bad, and they are always fighting. The child asks his grandmother: Which wolf will be the winner? And the grandmother answered: The one you feed.)
I visit Emotions Anonymous and Codependents Anonymous. Meetings take place all over the world. Don't be afraid of the 12 steps and this God thing... It's not a religious group! You can come by and take a look, maybe you need to try out different groups to see if it's for you, every group is a little different because of the people and every single meeting is always different in terms of mood and what you can take with you for yourself. It is anonymous, without obligations, free of charge, purely self-help, so there are no leaders or therapists. It doesn't replace therapy, but it is a really great addition for me personally. Of course I don't know if it's something for you, as everyone is different.
For me it works and it open my mind for other ways. Especially I re-found my hope. That was the best.
I wish you the strength to going on, inner peace and the feeling of being loved!