FinalesFunkeln
Mach es gut.
- Nov 29, 2025
- 8
I've suffered from mental illness my entire life, I just happen to be having a very bad episode right now. If I'm not actively suicidal, I'm passively suicidal. I feel like I never really want to be here. One day I saw a picture of my nephew on Facebook. He's just a baby. The thought ran through my head of never knowing what kind of wonderful person he becomes and I cried. That's what inspired the start of this list, and any single reason I can think of I add to it. I try not to make anything based on specific people, and more so the possibilities in life. Sometimes reading over it helps, even if just a little.
Here is my little list for your viewing pleasure. (Some minor things have been changed or removed for privacy).
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(5/10/25) ETA: Keeping in mind that every time I speak of those I love, there are very specific people who come to mind: (short list of people who have blessed my life). Thank you, my loved ones, for making life more bearable, even if all you can do is make sure I'm not alone in my pain.
(05/04/25)
10/5/25
10/8/25
That's it. That's my list. Will it save my life? Maybe, maybe not. But I do find it can comfort me sometimes. I encourage everyone to try to make your own lists. Keep it positive, but keep it truthful. Other than that, put down whatever you want. Some of my reasons carry significant weight, while others are just silly things because I can.
Here is my little list for your viewing pleasure. (Some minor things have been changed or removed for privacy).
______________________________________
(5/10/25) ETA: Keeping in mind that every time I speak of those I love, there are very specific people who come to mind: (short list of people who have blessed my life). Thank you, my loved ones, for making life more bearable, even if all you can do is make sure I'm not alone in my pain.
(05/04/25)
- I want to see (nephew) grow up
- I have too many friends I haven't hugged yet
- There is some reason to fall in love every single day (stingrays showed me as much)
- Cats (especially my cats)
- There are people I love and I never want them to go through life alone.
- How lovely it is to be able to feel so deeply, even if that feeling is to rip your heart from your chest
- Astral events
- A nice boulder
- Languages are fun
- A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet
- Stupid fucking jokes that make me laugh so hard I ugly cry
- The honour of knowing everyone that I know
- Everyone who has ever hurt me has taught me something; what is life if not to learn and grow?
- I am not who I was five years ago and it is good.
- Good music
- Sharing things with people; thoughts, opinions, and everything in between
- Being able to know others on a deep and meaningful level - the human connection
- Being understood. It's not all the time, but that makes it extra special.
- The friends I have with whom I can bare my soul to
- Even in my profound sense of pain, I am able to find at least a fraction of the simple pleasures in life.
- I'm pretty good at making people laugh, even if it's only because I'm so peculiar
- some of the best days of my life haven't happened yet
- there are people who like me even when I'm sad. They don't expect me to bear the weight of making humour or even conversation. Me existing is enough
- Some people even love me for being just me
- There are people who like me or love me enough to offer above the bare minimum without me even having to ask
- *I am not who I was five years ago and it is good*
- I no longer beg for affection from people who are unwilling or unable to provide it.
- I no longer hate myself. As long as I live, loving myself is even a possibility.
- I only seek validation only from those I love, but it wasn't always this way.
- I constantly grow as a person even if the growth isn't linear.
- Even fair weather friends are still friends
- I love everyone deeply, but will no longer give everything if there is no reciprocation
- Tomorrow is always a new day.
- I tell myself constantly that I have no reason to live, but I have this list. There are ample reasons to remain even if I'm too sad and tired to remember.
- Any time I want to die, I can promise someone I love that I will stay another day.
- I share my life with people I love every single day (6/16/25 edit: this is still true but only if I don't self isolate!)
- spilling tea with the queens
- the birds sing for a reason. I am grateful to be alive in this moment.
- I'm willing to take chances even after all I've been through.
- I don't need romantic love, but I am capable of experiencing it.
- I am not who I was even five years ago and g*sh I'm very proud of that. I have a long way to go but that doesn't detract from how far I've come.
- branching conversations
- nonverbal time with the girlies
- maybe I'm not irreparably broken.
- I am the only person who can cure (friend's) ass worms.
- despite a busy day, I made an honest effort to get help.
10/5/25
- a warm cat can fix most things.
10/8/25
- I don't actually want to die, I just don't want to hurt anymore.
- when I stop self harming I can donate blood again. (Call them so they keep track)
- I'll probably have more reasons eventually.
- if I die now, I will have officially lived my entire life suffering. I'd love to find peace before I go, and that won't happen unless I stay long enough to… rewire my entire brain
it feels insurmountable, it feels like it's more effort than it's worth. I am so tired. But if I can just have a good few years where I'm not actively suffering or living just to breathe, the work will be worth it. I'm just so fucking tired. So so so tired. - I am not who I was five years ago.
That's it. That's my list. Will it save my life? Maybe, maybe not. But I do find it can comfort me sometimes. I encourage everyone to try to make your own lists. Keep it positive, but keep it truthful. Other than that, put down whatever you want. Some of my reasons carry significant weight, while others are just silly things because I can.
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