I lost all discipline

[suffering]

Not that I particularly think that discipline is a must have in life, but I think it is necessary when life is tough and you have to get yourself together. When I used to think that happiness is achievable (I was so naive), I used to be very disciplined. I would wake up, exercise, do some reading, then work all day until late. I remember somewhere around 9 or 10 pm I would grab a snack and watch a series, it felt like such a reward to have 'earned' a break. I used to think that I'm heading somewhere.
Now I wage slave some job I hate, movies don't entertain me anymore, there is no carrot left to chase.
But I know it's not right. Yes, happiness might be an illusion, but although I'm not striving for illusions anymore, I should be striving for a comfortable life. I don't want to end up broke, alone and sick.
The problem is that I lost any sense of discipline... everything I do is somehow unplanned, taking every day at time and living through it.

 

[Alucard]

I have EXACTLY the same life course ...

Except that now, I have stopped working (I couldn't anymore), I am unemployed and I no longer have this discipline that I have had all my life.

I worked hard for 25 years... only to have to kill myself.

 

[Huntfish34]

I feel the same way on many different levels. I hate it and I hate myself. =/

 

[JoeFailure]

I'm trying to create discipline. I have ADHD and OCD and have really never been disciplined in my life. It's really hard to train yourself to do that and out of all your bad habits at age 35.

 

[ceelo]

When I used to think that happiness is achievable (I was so naive),

It absolutely is, as stated by the happiest recorded man on earth buddhist monk matthieu ricard who lived in solitary for 5 years meditating 3 times a day with metta meditation which literally trained his brain into extreme levels of happiness never before recorded. You learn to play tennis, you learn to be happy but we didnt do that we indulged neuroticism and learnt to be sad and thats a hard pill to swallow.