Venting I left SS. For all of 12 hours.

[BPDbitch]

Attempted again this morning. Obviously didn't do a very good job. Decided to try and move forward for the sake of the people around me.

Now my partner has left me for the sake of his own mental health and it's 2am and I'm meant to go back to work today and I'm chainsmoking to try and stop me from attempting again and everything is just shit and I want to scream ugh lol I hate being alive.

 

[faust]

Oh, that sounds very painful, I am sorry destiny is not friendly to you...
May I just give you a hug?

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry! I am sorry to say I can relate to your feelings about your life...I hate my life and being alive. My life is a nightmare.
Warm hugs and compassion being sent your way.

 

[Esc9434]

Be strong.

What method you tried if you don't mind me asking? Hanging?

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

You can pm me if you want. I get it girl. Life is shit. I want to fucking kill myself so bad. I'm here for you. I will squeeze your hand tightly and we can both hold on for a little while longer together. Remember to keep taking breathes. Sometimes I have to remind myself to do that. I'm here for you and here is a virtual hug

 

[BPDbitch]

Hang in there.

What method you tried if you don't mind me asking? Hanging?

Yes, I did full suspension finally but my fucking rope came loose. It's horrifically painful.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry your attempt didn't go as you desired. From various videos I have seen full suspension either results in loss of consciousness very quickly, or it is a slow and awful death. That is one of the reasons I am concerned with trying hanging.

i'm sorry your partner left you for selfish purposes. Mine did the exact same thing. The thing that I'll tell you that I try to tell myself every day is that if someone actually loves us and is worthy of our love they would stick through anything to fix things together and grow and repair together.

if possible you might want to call in sick for work, and just give yourself a day to emotionally and physically recover.

 

[BPDbitch]

or it is a slow and awful death.

Luck of the draw I guess. I was just dangling there in the worst pain, my legs were going crazy and i obviously couldn't breathe in. Awful.

 

[Ghost2211]

Luck of the draw I guess. I was just dangling there in the worst pain, my legs were going crazy and i obviously could breathe in. Awful.

If you don't put pressure on the arteries just right you won't lose consciousness until you choke to death. If hanging is your preferred method you might want to play around with partial or things like that so you can get a feel for where the arteries are. Studying the anatomy of the veins and arteries in the neck will help as well. Compressing only the veins will also lead to blood being unable to flow out of your head, and will result in a very uncomfortable headache as well as increased pressure.

it is sad how many people in history have been executed this way, and a lot of the time they don't get the benefit of a broken neck. I suppose this is not the worst form of execution in history though.

 

[LMLN]

Yes, I did full suspension finally but my fucking rope came loose. It's horrifically painful.

It is very painful. My rope slipped and my feet touched the ground. I went out and everything was black, but I came back and my throat hurt for weeks, and rope burn. :(
I'm sorry :(

 

[Lostandfound7]

I'm so sorry honey...the break up coupled with other challenges is beyond rough n can feel unbearable..take a min for yourself...it's alot..

We're here for u..

Sending u love babe

 

[Dear Flabby]

I am so sorry that you have gone through so much.
Now, alone and chain smoking, you are dreading work tomorrow (today?)
If you can, I agree that this might be a good day to call in sick.
Do something nice for yourself today.
Ack! That sounds like horoscope advice. Not what I intended at all.
Times like this are easier with self care, and I am sending hugs and kind thoughts,
Flabs

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Luck of the draw I guess. I was just dangling there in the worst pain, my legs were going crazy and i obviously could breathe in. Awful.

To go through all that and to have clear memories of it... *sigh* oh, I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling. I'm sitting here on my bed &all I wish I could do it give you the biggest hug and sit with you a while.
I'm sorry you had to experience that.

 

[BPDbitch]

To go through all that and to have clear memories of it...

It was quite horrific tbh, makes me reconsider my method a bit even though I really wanted to hang

 

[SimplyTopHat]

It was quite horrific tbh, makes me reconsider my method a bit even though I really wanted to hang

I can imagine. What else were you thinking about?

 

[BPDbitch]

I can imagine. What else were you thinking about?

Jumping, mostly. Or drowning

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Jumping, mostly. Or drowning

Oh, okay. I thought about jumping at one point, then I realized I didn't have access to anything high enough. Oh &I saw a video of some jump &survive, oooh it freaked me out.

Drowning sounds like a doable/more accessible option.

 

[BPDbitch]

Oh, okay. I thought about jumping at one point, then I realized I didn't have access to anything high enough. Oh &I saw a video of some jump &survive, oooh it freaked me out.

Drowning sounds like a doable/more accessible option.

Yep, plus I absolutely love the sea so I guess it could be symbolic in a way. Must be absolutely terrifying at first though, while fighting the water

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Yep, plus I absolutely love the sea so I guess it could be symbolic in a way. Must be absolutely terrifying at first though, while fighting the water

Yeah, I guess it would feel symbolic wouldn't it. The water would be soothing &freeing all at the same time.

&Yeah, you could be right that, I just try not to think about the fear aspect too much. I have enough problems with anxiety, I don't want to lose my nerve completely.