Venting i kind of wish someone would tell me to do it

[hexesandcurses]

How fucked up is it that I kind of wish someone would tell me to do it? Like maybe if someone was to say, "just do it if you're gonna do it already." then I would finally have confirmation that this was okay to do. Or not okay, but like right? Either way it sounds horrible I guess.


I think in a weird way that I just want someone to tell me that I can die and it'll be okay. And in an even weirder way, I think that I just want someone deep down to tell me to not be ashamed of wanting to be selfish sometimes.


also I'm high so this might be more profound than if I was sober so excuse the dramatics

 

[jodes2]

I wish I had permission from everyone to CTB

 

[Euthanza]

I had search this kind of validation before, surprisingly an online open minded friend responded to me with confirmation that I needed, but then I feel I have to separate my self because I disagree with method proposed which I think a senseless way even it has flawless logic; I want to leave in peace and serenity ...

So here you are "you don't have to be ashamed for being who you really are". People are selfish, that's why they need to protect their feelings even when we're already dead by suicide. Suicide prevention is man made up by selfish motives.

 

[thebunny]

dw, i'm on the same boat. i recently told a few friends—friends who can't really do anything about it—about my plan on doing it and some of them are supportive of it and it felt nice. it's nice to have someone have your back.

i don't think it's a completely horrible thing to wish for someone to be supportive of your actions and i also don't think it's a selfish thing to wish to ctb. it's our lives and our choices. no one should get a say on what we want to do or who we want to be. remember, you do you and only you.

everyone wants to be in peace and if dying is the only way you can be at peace, then you're good, buddy

 

[DeadSoul98]

This would be the wrong way. I would never tell anybody to do it or not to do it. You must stand behind your decision with all its consequences. I wish you best of luck whatever you decide

 

[Tarantula Girl]

Mine's more like i wish i could see my future heartache to give myself the permission i want from myself. I guess to me others giving me permission wouldn't make sense because in the end we have to give the okay to ourselves. If others do but there's not the acceptance in our heart, then failure to ctb would be more likely.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

There is nothing "fucked up" about your thoughts, even if it might look like that on the surface. You're moving towards making an irreversible decision, and it is perfectly normal to want to get outside confirmation that what you're about to decide to do is okay. You are unlikely to get it, but the desire to achieve it is perfectly normal and understandable.

 

[thedaywillcome]

How fucked up is it that I kind of wish someone would tell me to do it? Like maybe if someone was to say, "just do it if you're gonna do it already." then I would finally have confirmation that this was okay to do. Or not okay, but like right? Either way it sounds horrible I guess.


I think in a weird way that I just want someone to tell me that I can die and it'll be okay. And in an even weirder way, I think that I just want someone deep down to tell me to not be ashamed of wanting to be selfish sometimes.


also I'm high so this might be more profound than if I was sober so excuse the dramatics

Your inner self has to tell you that.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that we all wish for things that would make ctb easier for us. Dying can certainly be very difficult. I wish for a peaceful and reliable way to exit, if I had that I think that I would have no problems going through with ctb. I would just be relieved that my suffering is finally coming to an end. It would be much better to live in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and others respected our decision to leave. After all, there is nothing wrong with suicide, it's a personal decision and we all have our right to exit.

 

[jodes2]

Man I wanna CTB so badly RN, my gf is just going to have to grieve

 

[thedaywillcome]

I guess that we all wish for things that would make ctb easier for us. Dying can certainly be very difficult. I wish for a peaceful and reliable way to exit, if I had that I think that I would have no problems going through with ctb. I would just be relieved that my suffering is finally coming to an end. It would be much better to live in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and others respected our decision to leave. After all, there is nothing wrong with suicide, it's a personal decision and we all have our right to exit.

Society isnt always right what they believe. There are two reasons why suicide is considered wrong: Survival instinct and people's feeling get offended when they have to deal with suicide. Its about them not about you.

I believe sometimes suicide is the better option, because reality is very often cruel and hopeless. I wished suicide wasnt this stigmatized.

 

[Life_and_Death]

honestly, looking for that is why i originally joined

 

[thedaywillcome]

 

[hexesandcurses]

I wish I had permission from everyone to CTB

I feel like it would just take the guilty feeling I have away. The idea of hurting the people I love is an awful one.

honestly, looking for that is why i originally joined

Same, well at least partially. It was so freeing to come here and see people having such open minds toward this stuff. I know that saying exactly what I want to hear usually crosses lines for people but I appreciate all the support I've been getting, this is a great community.

Society isnt always right what they believe. There are two reasons why suicide is considered wrong: Survival instinct and people's feeling get offended when they have to deal with suicide. Its about them not about you.

I believe sometimes suicide is the better option, because reality is very often cruel and hopeless. I wished suicide wasnt this stigmatized.

I feel the same way. In a weird way, I think people would actually commit less if we talked more openly about it. To say, "it's okay if you feel this way and want to do this, but if you also want to live then let's get you proper help," would be so much more effective then just saying "no, don't do it, so many people love you!!" Because it's not about how much THEY love you, it's about how YOU feel like life isn't worth living.


Thank you for your kind words. I hope society can get more of an open mindset to this all someday.

Man I wanna CTB so badly RN, my gf is just going to have to grieve

I am wishing for peace for both you and your girlfriend, in whatever form it comes in.

 

[Hope:-)]

I kind of wish I HAD to do it...like some kind of assignment or something.

 

[hexesandcurses]

I guess that we all wish for things that would make ctb easier for us. Dying can certainly be very difficult. I wish for a peaceful and reliable way to exit, if I had that I think that I would have no problems going through with ctb. I would just be relieved that my suffering is finally coming to an end. It would be much better to live in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and others respected our decision to leave. After all, there is nothing wrong with suicide, it's a personal decision and we all have our right to exit.

Totally agree. The idea of a painful death is definitely something that makes me hesitant, along with the fear of what comes after. Wish that barbiturates were easier to get a hold of and, even more, that suicide was less frowned upon so people wouldn't have to find such exhausting and painful ways to do it.

There is nothing "fucked up" about your thoughts, even if it might look like that on the surface. You're moving towards making an irreversible decision, and it is perfectly normal to want to get outside confirmation that what you're about to decide to do is okay. You are unlikely to get it, but the desire to achieve it is perfectly normal and understandable.

Thank you for this. I'm so used to having to censor these thoughts or push back against them that I didn't stop to think that it's only natural to want to be told it's okay and you're not a bad person for it. All of these comments have really helped me gain perspective and feel less alone in this. <3

Mine's more like i wish i could see my future heartache to give myself the permission i want from myself. I guess to me others giving me permission wouldn't make sense because in the end we have to give the okay to ourselves. If others do but there's not the acceptance in our heart, then failure to ctb would be more likely.

That's a great point to make. I had never thought about it that way and I'm glad you said something so now I can start tackling my issues different. Now I've started working on accepting it myself and giving myself permission.

dw, i'm on the same boat. i recently told a few friends—friends who can't really do anything about it—about my plan on doing it and some of them are supportive of it and it felt nice. it's nice to have someone have your back.

i don't think it's a completely horrible thing to wish for someone to be supportive of your actions and i also don't think it's a selfish thing to wish to ctb. it's our lives and our choices. no one should get a say on what we want to do or who we want to be. remember, you do you and only you.

everyone wants to be in peace and if dying is the only way you can be at peace, then you're good, buddy

Thank you so much for your kindness I can't even begin to tell everyone how much this means to me to be supported like this, honestly. You're a great person and I hope that you also find your peace someday, in whatever form it comes