Venting I keep on hoping for something.

[0kcomputer]

I dont know why. I'm just a fucking blood sucking parasite that isn't good for ANYTHING. I keep burdening everyone. I'm a complete failure. I don't know why people try to help me. I just need to die but I keep that tiny bit of hope that I'll be happy and have kids or start a band even though I know I'll never amount to anything.
Is there anyway I can lose hope? Do I just isolate?? I don't know...I just don't wanna burden people or believe my life means anything anymore.

 

[toya]

I feel you. Have you tried everything to get better ? Hospitalization? (concentrating solely on yourself, without external stress, with people around you who have similar difficulties can help a lot) A psychiatrist and psychologist specialized in your disorders? medication? If you're doing everything you can to get better, but it's not getting any better, hope will surely be gone.

Personally, what I might do is take the time to prepare for my suicide, and at the same time ask for help one last time from specialists in my disorders. If that doesn't work, everything will be ready to go and I'll have no regrets.

Isolation hasn't changed anything for me, hope remains.

 

[chester]

I know I'll never amount to anything.

Judging by other things you wrote, you don't really know. Just because you don't see a way of it happening, it doesn't mean there isn't one.

I just don't wanna (...) believe my life means anything

You make it sound like it's a bad thing. When you fixate on ending your life, feeling your life can be meaningful becomes an obstacle and nothing else, I get it. It goes against your goal.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking it's a weakness though. I can think of plenty of reasons not to kill myself, but I can't think of one to want to live. I wish I had one.

Is there anyway I can lose hope?

No. As long as long as you aren't truly hopeless, you won't. It sucks to feel stuck in a limbo. I don't know if it helps, I was also going through a stage when I was very angry at myself for not being able to do it. My advice: if it feels wrong, don't push yourself. When (if ever) the time comes, you'll know it. Until then, remember, you're not on a deadline.

The fact that you can't make the decision now means you shouldn't make it now. There's nothing wrong about this. Don't fight what you feel. One of the most convenient things about suicide is you can always do it later.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

I'll be happy and have kids or start a band even though I know I'll never amount to anything.

I know you've already set your mind on giving up, but there are tons of rappers and people who were in bands who killed themselves eventually, it's actually really easy to start one. Just make that your last wish a die, but I can't tell you what to do so good luck.

 

[0kcomputer]

I feel you. Have you tried everything to get better ? Hospitalization? (concentrating solely on yourself, without external stress, with people around you who have similar difficulties can help a lot) A psychiatrist and psychologist specialized in your disorders? medication? If you're doing everything you can to get better, but it's not getting any better, hope will surely be gone.

Personally, what I might do is take the time to prepare for my suicide, and at the same time ask for help one last time from specialists in my disorders. If that doesn't work, everything will be ready to go and I'll have no regrets.

Isolation hasn't changed anything for me, hope remains.

I'm trying therapy...just never get a appointment, they drop me after a few months or I never get to talk face to face with anyone. So...idk.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Please reconsider your desire to have children, and bringing another life into this shitty world to suffer.

 

[darkness456]

I too keep on hoping for something, even thought i know it's hopeless (long term). Must be a biological thing.