Venting I just want to go

[Jormungandr on Coke]

I just want someone to tell me that it's alright, that I'm not wrong for wanting to see the light.
Maybe I stopped caring about hurting others, because I'm hurting everyday.
The one person I trusted, the one person I loved, telling me that she should've never visited me in the psych ward, that I don't deserve love or compassion.
Yet I know that I am not innocent, I burned my bridges, whether that was on purpose or not, it doesn't matter.
I just want to leave and never look back, to stop the pain that living causes me and lose the burden of my forsaken existence.

Thank you for listening to my TedTalk

 

[pictures]

your just lonely it is up to you if you want to die or not some few see a light in this godless hell of a world that we live In

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

Are you fucking with me right now?
This whole thing I wrote is about wanting to ctb, you dumb piece of shit.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

I just want someone to tell me that it's alright, that I'm not wrong for wanting to see the light.
Maybe I stopped caring about hurting others, because I'm hurting everyday.
The one person I trusted, the one person I loved, telling me that she should've never visited me in the psych ward, that I don't deserve love or compassion.
Yet I know that I am not innocent, I burned my bridges, whether that was on purpose or not, it doesn't matter.
I just want to leave and never look back, to stop the pain that living causes me and lose the burden of my forsaken existence.

Thank you for listening to my TedTalk

Either you move on or you keep living in the past. Think of it as them making you the person you are today. Hard truth to accept is no one will really have your back when you fall everytime that's where you focus on YOURSELF. Don't rely on anyone for happiness. I've burned lots of bridges and have been backstabbed by one of my family members I grew up with. Just know people will be there to help you but not in every situation it's okay to vent. I'm glad you had to courage to vent to us.

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

Either you move on or you keep living in the past. Think of it as them making you the person you are today. Hard truth to accept is no one will really have your back when you fall everytime that's where you focus on YOURSELF. Don't rely on anyone for happiness. I've burned lots of bridges and have been backstabbed by one of my family members I grew up with. Just know people will be there to help you but not in every situation it's okay to vent. I'm glad you had to courage to vent to us.

I don't even know who I am, I spent years just trying to be liked and shit and now that I'm alone I don't know who or what I am, the only constant over the years is my desire to die

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

I don't even know who I am, I spent years just trying to be liked and shit and now that I'm alone I don't know who or what I am, the only constant over the years is my desire to die

Find things that boost your interest in things. Remember those negative thoughts those aren't true. Just scenario's. In elementary my first thoughts were drinking to numb the pain I was feeling. You should look at YouTube videos that teach you on how to overcome negative thoughts and loving yourself. It sound selfish but put you first before you help anyone else. Its a process of growing it's okay if you fail no human is perfect. You only got yourself in this world. It's okay if you don't know know why your here. I still wonder what's my purpose here. As for being alone mann my own dad a person I looked up too betrayed me and I can't forgive him. What I would do is workout and just focusing on yourself and show them that you don't need them even if you feel like you do.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm not wrong for wanting to see the light.

Wanting to see the light can't be wrong. The decision when you wanns try this and especially when you are ready for it is fully up to your own! I hope you can find peace!

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

Find things that boost your interest in things. Remember those negative thoughts those aren't true. Just scenario's. In elementary my first thoughts were drinking to numb the pain I was feeling. You should look at YouTube videos that teach you on how to overcome negative thoughts and loving yourself. It sound selfish but put you first before you help anyone else. Its a process of growing it's okay if you fail no human is perfect. You only got yourself in this world. It's okay if you don't know know why your here. I still wonder what's my purpose here. As for being alone mann my own dad a person I looked up too betrayed me and I can't forgive him. What I would do is workout and just focusing on yourself and show them that you don't need them even if you feel like you do.

Yeah I started working out, since I want to look good unrelated to me living or dying, I mean might as well leave a sexy corpse

Wanting to see the light can't be wrong. The decision when you wanns try this and especially when you are ready for it is fully up to your own! I hope you can find peace!

I feel ready, it's the only thing I want it's just my survival instinct keeping me from finding peace

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

Yeah I started working out, since I want to look good unrelated to me living or dying, I mean might as well leave a sexy corpse

I know righhhht when I die I want to die looking handsome and fit. But for some reason I don't want a open casket funeral because I don't want people to see me like that.

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

I know righhhht when I die I want to die looking handsome and fit. But for some reason I don't want a open casket funeral because I don't want people to see me like that.

I know it's superficiaö, but I don't want to go out and have people thinking that I'm ugly, since I already feel ugly as shit

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I feel ready, it's the only thing I want it's just my survival instinct keeping me from finding peace

SI is so hard to be defeated in all cases. I hope you can find the strength you need!!

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

I know it's superficiaö, but I don't want to go out and have people thinking that I'm ugly, since I already feel ugly as shit

I get called ugly alot by my sister she just says that she is joking but she knows I don't love myself. Honestly I don't want a funeral but i cant control that. Also social media makes me have to reach those social expectations which is so draining.

I know it's superficiaö, but I don't want to go out and have people thinking that I'm ugly, since I already feel ugly as shit

Really I just want to be loved and wanted by a girl but I've made this big defensive wall when it comes to my personal life

 

[_Alfarooq_]

I don't even know who I am, I spent years just trying to be liked and shit and now that I'm alone I don't know who or what I am, the only constant over the years is my desire to die

I also spent years trying to be liked, but I realised one thing. No matter how hard you try, if you try to make everyone happy, there is always someone out there who will have problems with you. That's just a fact. So my only goal in this life is to do ONE thing- please myself. As long I can make myself happy, not in a way that will affect other people, then I don't give a f*ck about what other people think. No one is happy with me by the way.

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

SI is so hard to be defeated in all cases. I hope you can find the strength you need!!

Thank you, I hope that I'll make it today

I get called ugly alot by my sister she just says that she is joking but she knows I don't love myself. Honestly I don't want a funeral but i cant control that. Also social media makes me have to reach those social expectations which is so draining.

Really I just want to be loved and wanted by a girl but I've made this big defensive wall when it comes to my personal life

I understand how you feel about being called ugly by people you love, it hurts deeply

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

Thank you, I hope that I'll make it today

I understand how you feel about being called ugly by people you love, it hurts deeply

Honestly I don't think I will ever fall in love. Do you see yourself with someone?

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

I also spent years trying to be liked, but I realised one thing. No matter how hard you try, if you try to make everyone happy, there is always someone out there who will have problems with you. That's just a fact. So my only goal in this life is to do ONE thing- please myself. As long I can make myself happy, not in a way that will affect other people, then I don't give a f*ck about what other people think. No one is happy with me by the way.

It's just that I feel so fucking empty, I don't know if I somehow forgot how or never knew how to make myself happy since I've been abusing drugs for some time to get that feeling of relief, but I stopped that monthsbago since even that doesn't numb the pain anymore

Honestly I don't think I will ever fall in love. Do you see yourself with someone?

I had some relationships my last one having gone on for 4 years, my ex and I still hang out, but we're just so toxic, she hurts me a lot and yet I still spend time with her, it really is fucked up since I am the pme that broke up because I felt like she wasn't treating me right

 

[_Alfarooq_]

It's just that I feel so fucking empty, I don't know if I somehow forgot how or never knew how to make myself happy since I've been abusing drugs for some time to get that feeling of relief, but I stopped that monthsbago since even that doesn't numb the pain anymore

That must suck so much, to have nothing to make you happy but drugs. Even then, that doesn't remove the pain anymore. I feel bad for you that you have to suffer 24/7. Do you have anything else that takes your mind of your depression? I at least have somethings that I do to distract me from my severe depression and take my mind of the bullshit that has been happening to me in my life.

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

To be honest, I have nothing in my life atm, nothing but misery and despair.


I like playing morrowind tho, but it can only distract me for so long

That must suck so much, to have nothing to make you happy but drugs. Even then, that doesn't remove the pain anymore. I feel bad for you that you have to suffer 24/7. Do you have anything else that takes your mind of your depression? I at least have somethings that I do to distract me from my severe depression and take my mind of the bullshit that has been happening to me in my life.

 

[_Alfarooq_]

To be honest, I have nothing in my life atm, nothing but misery and despair.


I like playing morrowind tho, but it can only distract me for so long

I just hope your suffering ends or you find your way out.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I just want someone to tell me that it's alright, that I'm not wrong for wanting to see the light.
Maybe I stopped caring about hurting others, because I'm hurting everyday.
The one person I trusted, the one person I loved, telling me that she should've never visited me in the psych ward, that I don't deserve love or compassion.
Yet I know that I am not innocent, I burned my bridges, whether that was on purpose or not, it doesn't matter.
I just want to leave and never look back, to stop the pain that living causes me and lose the burden of my forsaken existence.

Thank you for listening to my TedTalk

Take a deep breath and just take a moment to relax. I can't promise you it will be ok, I can't promise you tomorrow will be beautiful but what I can tell you is 1st you need to decide if you want to carry on living or not. If you do decide to carry on, I promise there will be difficult times, there will be tough situations and life won't always be easy but you are stronger than you give yourself credit for! You said you have done some wrong to others, well we all have, you can start by simply apologizing to those people and letting it go, you don't have to carry all that baggage, travel light. Focus on the positives things about yourself, set small goals, then aim higher. We are all drawn together on this site and I feel compelled to tell you, don't give up now. You are at your breaking point and it can't get any worse. Build new friendships, new relationships and try to move past things that you can not change. I've always available if you ever need encouragement or decide to ctb. If I'm not here, I promise you someone else will be here to respond to you. Best wishes my friend!

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

I just hope your suffering ends or you find your way out.

Thank you, I hope so too

Take a deep breath and just take a moment to relax. I can't promise you it will be ok, I can't promise you tomorrow will be beautiful but what I can tell you is 1st you need to decide if you want to carry on living or not. If you do decide to carry on, I promise there will be difficult times, there will be tough situations and life won't always be easy but you are stronger than you give yourself credit for! You said you have done some wrong to others, well we all have, you can start by simply apologizing to those people and letting it go, you don't have to carry all that baggage, travel light. Focus on the positives things about yourself, set small goals, then aim higher. We are all drawn together on this site and I feel compelled to tell you, don't give up now. You are at your breaking point and it can't get any worse. Build new friendships, new relationships and try to move past things that you can not change. I've always available if you ever need encouragement or decide to ctb. If I'm not here, I promise you someone else will be here to respond to you. Best wishes my friend!

Your words are truly kind, I appreciate it.
I'm sure of wanting to ctb, I just need to go through with it,(I know, I know easier said than done), it's just that the pain has become unbearable, It was unbearable befire but now it just tears me apart
Yet I know there is a lot of merit in what you say, some part of me is still full of hope that everything will be alright, I just dont have the will to go on anymore

 

[_Alfarooq_]

Your words are truly kind, I appreciate it.
I'm sure of wanting to ctb, I just need to go through with it,(I know, I know easier said than done), it's just that the pain has become unbearable, It was unbearable befire but now it just tears me apart
Yet I know there is a lot of merit in what you say, some part of me is still full of hope that everything will be alright, I just dont have the will to go on anymore

Maybe the survival instinct that is telling you that there is still hope in this life bothering you and stopping of CTB, yes?

 

[Jormungandr on Coke]

Maybe the survival instinct that is telling you that there is still hope in this life bothering you and stopping of CTB, yes?

I think so, but I'm not sure of that

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering, existing here certainly can be so dreadful and tiring, I wish it's easier to finally leave. But anyway I wish you the best.