Story I just tried to hang myself

[account676]

I almost died 5 minutes ago. I decided to try partial hanging for the last time since it hasn't been working for me. I tied a knot on the end of my rope and placed it on a door. I proceeded to close the door and watch random youtube videos so I could hear someone speak. First few times I felt just a little bit lightheaded. But then I tried to relax my whole body. In an instant I fell into unconsciousness. It wasn't black nor white. It was nothing. I can't remember time passing. It felt like a split second but also like eternity. I woke up not being able to breathe or see. I tried to stand up with no avail. It was worse than torture. I cannot remember what I saw in my awakening. When I finally were able to stand up and see again I started crying. I never knew I was about to pass out. I almost felt that I could touch death. I never want to live through that again.

 

[Astral316]

Well what did you think was gonna happen. Maybe you're not ready to CTB... maybe there's hope for you?

 

[AbandonedStudio]

So sorry to hear you didn't succeed in your attempt. How do you feel right now?

 

[account676]

So sorry to hear you didn't succeed in your attempt. How do you feel right now?

My neck is really red but other than that I'm cool.

Well what did you think was gonna happen. Maybe you're not ready to CTB... maybe there's hope for you?

It's like explaining colours to a blind person. I never knew it was going to be that intense. I still don't know why I woke up...

 

[AbandonedStudio]

My neck is really red but other than that I'm cool.

Good to hear you're doing fine nonetheless! You can pm me if you want to talk to someone regardless of how you're feeling : )

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

My neck is really red but other than that I'm cool.

You feel any change on your cognition? I hope you don't have any neurological side effect.

 

[account676]

You feel any change on your cognition? I hope you don't have any neurological side effect.

I was afraid of that too. I thought "maybe I'm dead after all". I think I'm fine.

Good to hear you're doing fine nonetheless! You can pm me if you want to talk to someone regardless of how you're feeling : )

You're so sweet

 

[Astral316]

How did you wake up? Were you dangling from the rope still or did it snap? Was it partial or full? Etc.

This is my method so I'm curious, is all.

 

[account676]

How did you wake up? Were you dangling from the rope still or did it snap? Was it partial or full? Etc.

It was partial, only bending my legs about 110°. My back hurts because of the doorknob so maybe that had to do something with it? My rope didn't snap and I couldn't see or feel anything but pain so maybe I was dangling? The door has a mark from where the rope was.

 

[DeepSleep]

It was worse than torture. I cannot remember what I saw in my awakening. When I finally were able to stand up and see again I started crying. I never knew I was about to pass out. I almost felt that I could touch death. I never want to live through that again.

Sorry to hear that, hope it will subside soon. Are you male or female?
I'm a male and I dont really understand why would a guy wake up without completely f'ing up his Adams apple or thyroid. Most pressure goes there, to the front.

PS: Been practicing today for an hour and a half. Still nothing.
PPS: You're not ready, IMHO. Rest, forget about it, its not your time yet.

 

[Done182]

Can I ask what you mean by 'was than torture'? Do you mean the feeling as you passed out, or the time between unconsciousness and consciousness? Hope you are feeling better x

 

[ManWithNoName]

If I may ask you: did you hang yourself with the intent to terminate your life and it did not succeed? Or were you just testing the method? I'm not advocating you do or do not, but rather I'd like to know, as hanging could very well by my means, and I want to learn as much as I can on this - including failed attempts to ensure minimizing any chance of error if I make my attempt.

 

[account676]

Sorry to hear that, hope it will subside soon. Are you male or female?
I'm a male and I dont really understand why would a guy wake up without completely f'ing up his Adams apple or thyroid. Most pressure goes there, to the front.

PS: Been practicing today for an hour and a half. Still nothing.
PPS: You're not ready, IMHO. Rest, forget about it, its not your time yet.

I didn't place the rope around my Adam's apple but right under my chin. I tilted my hand downwards because I heard from somewhere that you should try that and I was gone. I am a male. It is hard for me to accept that I'm not ready to die but my mind says something completely else. I don't know what to think anymore.

If I may ask you: did you hang yourself with the intent to terminate your life and it did not succeed? Or were you just testing the method? I'm not advocating you do or do not, but rather I'd like to know, as hanging could very well by my means, and I want to learn as much as I can on this - including failed attempts to ensure minimizing any chance of error if I make my attempt.

To be honest, a bit of both. Since my last attempts I told myself that I needed to put my shit together and do it. If I do try to hang myself another time I will know for certain that my goal is to die.

Can I ask what you mean by 'was than torture'? Do you mean the feeling as you passed out, or the time between unconsciousness and consciousness? Hope you are feeling better x

The feeling of nothingness was a part of it. But the most terrifying part was when I couldn't separate reality and dreams. When I "woke up" I was gasping for air and it hurt so much. It really REALLY felt like a dream. Now that I think about it, it was peaceful. Some parts where nightmares but others total euphoria. Sorry for not responding I couldn't see your comment at first.

 

[manwewaslonely]

i tried hanging myself before but the SI kicked in and i chickened out. ill probably try again, but quick question, is there any marks left on your neck?

 

[account676]

i tried hanging myself before but the SI kicked in and i chickened out. ill probably try again, but quick question, is there any marks left on your neck?

Yes, I can still feel sores all around my neck. But my rope easily burns my skin and has too much friction. Having all your bodyweight on your throat leaves a mark. Plus, the doorknob has left a nasty bruise on my back.

 

[Ky204]

Sorry that your experience was not ideal.
Hope you've recovered fully and that your next attempt will be your last

 

[ManWithNoName]

The feeling of nothingness was a part of it. But the most terrifying part was when I couldn't separate reality and dreams. When I "woke up" I was gasping for air and it hurt so much. It really REALLY felt like a dream. Now that I think about it, it was peaceful. Some parts where nightmares but others total euphoria. Sorry for not responding I couldn't see your comment at first.

So were you seeing the real world around you, with just no feeling or sensation? Or did you go into a completely different world? Aside from the sensory / pain / numbness, was there any kind of profound experience many who have had NDE's (Near Death Experiences) gone through?

 

[manwewaslonely]

Yes, I can still feel sores all around my neck. But my rope easily burns my skin and has too much friction. Having all your bodyweight on your throat leaves a mark. Plus, the doorknob has left a nasty bruise on my back.

im sorry, that sounds painful. i hope you feel better soon

 

[account676]

So were you seeing the real world around you, with just no feeling or sensation? Or did you go into a completely different world? Aside from the sensory / pain / numbness, was there any kind of profound experience many who have had NDE's (Near Death Experiences) gone through?

I am not sure of what I saw but I think it was a little bit of bright yellow and blackness that were very foggy. I could hear voices but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I didn't see the real world. Think of it like a color that you've never seen before but you're not colourblind. In the first few seconds I became conscious I didn6't move, but I heard my body grasping for air, I couldn't drag myself up the rope and felt like I was being pushed downwards . I'm sorry for explaining it so bad. [EDIT: I didn't see a light of the end of a tunnel as many NDE survivors explain it]

 

[eve2004]

Was the gasping for air like you were running as fast as you could go except that you weren't moving?

Hope you recover (physically and mentally) well from this...

 

[MAIO]

I almost died 5 minutes ago. I decided to try partial hanging for the last time since it hasn't been working for me. I tied a knot on the end of my rope and placed it on a door. I proceeded to close the door and watch random youtube videos so I could hear someone speak. First few times I felt just a little bit lightheaded. But then I tried to relax my whole body. In an instant I fell into unconsciousness. It wasn't black nor white. It was nothing. I can't remember time passing. It felt like a split second but also like eternity. I woke up not being able to breathe or see. I tried to stand up with no avail. It was worse than torture. I cannot remember what I saw in my awakening. When I finally were able to stand up and see again I started crying. I never knew I was about to pass out. I almost felt that I could touch death. I never want to live through that again.

When I tried to hang myself with my old gymnastic ring straps, I passed out faster than I could react than saw my ex-fiancee in a pleasant sort of way, had a conversation etc. I woke up on the floor with one of the straps broken on the floor by me, having no idea how much time passed. Other than seemingly being worse at math I haven't noticed side effects(I am naturally great at math software developer)

 

[account676]

Was the gasping for air like you were running as fast as you could go except that you weren't moving?

Hope you recover (physically and mentally) well from this...

It kind of was. Like in a dream were you are overpowered by someone and strangled. You're totally defenseless.

When I tried to hang myself with my old gymnastic ring straps, I passed out faster than I could react than saw my ex-fiancee in a pleasant sort of way, had a conversation etc. I woke up on the floor with one of the straps broken on the floor by me, having no idea how much time passed. Other than seemingly being worse at math I haven't noticed side effects(I am naturally great at math software developer)

I was passed out for about 20 seconds but it went by in a flash.

 

[Arskam]

to act and not give in is not an easy thing ... the brain wants something: to leave, but the body does not agree, it will do everything to stay. I hate all these harshness to come up with something. I may not have the choice, but hanging is really not, in my opinion, a peaceful way to leave.

 

[Kiwi]

I've been passed out for longer than that. I too didn't realise how quickly one can pass out when pressure is applied to the right area of the upper neck so I wasnt entirely ready to leave.

I too heard voices and had pictures flash by me like a very vivid dream.

I woke to this really strong brain zapping sensation and I had bitten my tongue to the point where it was bleeding. I had also wet myself a little.

It was partial so when I woke I was able to stand up right away.

I don't know about cognition or anything however I wish I had stayed asleep forever.

 

[account676]

I've been passed out for longer than that. I too didn't realise how quickly one can pass out when pressure is applied to the right area of the upper neck so I wasnt entirely ready to leave.

I too heard voices and had pictures flash by me like a very vivid dream.

I woke to this really strong brain zapping sensation and I had bitten my tongue to the point where it was bleeding. I had also wet myself a little.

It was partial so when I woke I was able to stand up right away.

I don't know about cognition or anything however I wish I had stayed asleep forever.

Do you know how you woke up? Is hanging as reliable as I thought?

 

[Kiwi]

I bit my tongue I assume the pain from that coupled with brain zaps jolted me awake.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I am not sure of what I saw but I think it was a little bit of bright yellow and blackness that were very foggy. I could hear voices but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I didn't see the real world. Think of it like a color that you've never seen before but you're not colourblind. In the first few seconds I became conscious I didn6't move, but I heard my body grasping for air, I couldn't drag myself up the rope and felt like I was being pushed downwards . I'm sorry for explaining it so bad. [EDIT: I didn't see a light of the end of a tunnel as many NDE survivors explain it]

No worries -- you saw what you saw. Not everyone experiences the same thing. Years ago a friend of mine suffered a stroke and was supposedly clinically dead for 4 minutes, but had no recollection of anything during those 4 minutes.

 

[Jumper]

When I tried to hang myself with my old gymnastic ring straps, I passed out faster than I could react than saw my ex-fiancee in a pleasant sort of way, had a conversation etc. I woke up on the floor with one of the straps broken on the floor by me, having no idea how much time passed. Other than seemingly being worse at math I haven't noticed side effects(I am naturally great at math software developer)

Do you think you broke the straps yourself unconsciously?

I've been passed out for longer than that. I too didn't realise how quickly one can pass out when pressure is applied to the right area of the upper neck so I wasnt entirely ready to leave.

I too heard voices and had pictures flash by me like a very vivid dream.

I woke to this really strong brain zapping sensation and I had bitten my tongue to the point where it was bleeding. I had also wet myself a little.

It was partial so when I woke I was able to stand up right away.

I don't know about cognition or anything however I wish I had stayed asleep forever.

Why did you awaken? Did the noose loosen?

 

[okaoki]

i'm curious if you take painkillers or some other drugs before hanging will it be helpful to stop SI kicking in??

 

[azucaramargo]

My neck is really red but other than that I'm cool.

It's like explaining colours to a blind person. I never knew it was going to be that intense. I still don't know why I woke up...

I'm so glad you woke up. Take good care of yourself, please, and your precious neck.