Venting I just don’t understand it

[ocdrowsy]

Hi I'm new to this site so bear with me haha.

I have two mental health conditions that make life really hard to live sometimes. Anytime I feel like I could go better the prospect of these conditions making everything worse again is too painful to keep going with. I honestly think that I would be better off not being here, because I just don't understand it. I don't understand all the bad things that happen in this world, I don't understand all the inequality I don't get it. I can't seem to accept that it's just how it is, some things are good some things are bad. I don't know how I can accept that and it hurts to think about. When I think about CTBing it makes me so emotional and makes me tear up, most of the day I feel numb, emotionless and bleak but when I think of CTBing it makes me feel and it's not even a deep sadness like with depression but more of a feeling of it being okay and that it's the right decision. I feel like a bad person which I know (and for some others as well) Is not based in reality however, the feeling is so deep within me, how I experience the world how I view it, I try to be positive all the time to everybody around because of how difficult life is and I feel like that's the only thing that's 'right' but the only time I really feel is when I think of CTB

I'm thinking of dropping into a river while drunk and on sleeping pills or anything else I can find or trying to get SN or N

I hope we all find peace :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I doubt that you will be able to find N, there's no reliable source for that method unfortunately, it does sound so ideal to me being able to pass away peacefully but sadly suicide just isn't straightforward in this world, it's the reality. It does sound really tiring what you are going through, it's so true that this world is such a hellish place, it's so horrible how there is all this endless and unnecessary suffering. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Huntfish34]

I can relate in many ways sadly, sorry you feel that way too. Yeah, life isn't fair nor will it ever be. The good , bad, .... everything going on in the world. It all honestly makes me wanna puke my fckn guts out.

I wish you Nothing but the best in whatever may happen.

 

[ghostofapoet]

Hi I'm new to this site so bear with me haha.

I have two mental health conditions that make life really hard to live sometimes. Anytime I feel like I could go better the prospect of these conditions making everything worse again is too painful to keep going with. I honestly think that I would be better off not being here, because I just don't understand it. I don't understand all the bad things that happen in this world, I don't understand all the inequality I don't get it. I can't seem to accept that it's just how it is, some things are good some things are bad. I don't know how I can accept that and it hurts to think about. When I think about CTBing it makes me so emotional and makes me tear up, most of the day I feel numb, emotionless and bleak but when I think of CTBing it makes me feel and it's not even a deep sadness like with depression but more of a feeling of it being okay and that it's the right decision. I feel like a bad person which I know (and for some others as well) Is not based in reality however, the feeling is so deep within me, how I experience the world how I view it, I try to be positive all the time to everybody around because of how difficult life is and I feel like that's the only thing that's 'right' but the only time I really feel is when I think of CTB

I'm thinking of dropping into a river while drunk and on sleeping pills or anything else I can find or trying to get SN or N

I hope we all find peace :)

i relate to your post. i think it's an innate quality within humans to seek out a hopeful outcome - but these illnesses that we have just make it harder, near impossible, to grasp onto it. the existence of these illnesses within us as well coupled with the existence of the horrors plaguing the world are just overwhelming, truly suffocating - and it feels like we're about to explode, often i feel like i'm burning from the inside out and i want to scream so badly because of how my brain and chest feel like they've been set ablaze and are inflamed... like you, the only time i'm feeling something other than nothing is when i'm contemplating ctbing and fear, or dread creeps in.

i really do hope that we all find what we're looking for x.

 

[ocdrowsy]

I doubt that you will be able to find N, there's no reliable source for that method unfortunately, it does sound so ideal to me being able to pass away peacefully but sadly suicide just isn't straightforward in this world, it's the reality. It does sound really tiring what you are going through, it's so true that this world is such a hellish place, it's so horrible how there is all this endless and unnecessary suffering. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

Oh gosh my bad I was referring to using the exit bag method but I just read the abbreviations again and N stands for something else. I wish you the best as well

I can relate in many ways sadly, sorry you feel that way too. Yeah, life isn't fair nor will it ever be. The good , bad, .... everything going on in the world. It all honestly makes me wanna puke my fckn guts out.

I wish you Nothing but the best in whatever may happen.

It's all so overwhelming but it's nice to be understood and it makes me so much more I'm not sure how to put it but it makes me feel so much more. I wish you the best too

i relate to your post. i think it's an innate quality within humans to seek out a hopeful outcome - but these illnesses that we have just make it harder, near impossible, to grasp onto it. the existence of these illnesses within us as well coupled with the existence of the horrors plaguing the world are just overwhelming, truly suffocating - and it feels like we're about to explode, often i feel like i'm burning from the inside out and i want to scream so badly because of how my brain and chest feel like they've been set ablaze and are inflamed... like you, the only time i'm feeling something other than nothing is when i'm contemplating ctbing and fear, or dread creeps in.

i really do hope that we all find what we're looking for x.

I couldn't have expressed it better it's exactly that feeling like ur always suffocating or that your entire body is screaming. I guess like you said the fear is an innate human experience but it makes sense and I understand it. I hope so too :)

 

[Vizzy]

Oh gosh my bad I was referring to using the exit bag method but I just read the abbreviations again and N stands for something else. I wish you the best as well

That's a best method if done correctly death is peaceful and painless

Here is the link below to read about that method and different experiences

Exit bag and inert gas megathread

Exit Bag and Inert Gas Basics —A very, very long post, I know, but I feel like I've fielded a lot of questions about this, so I figured I'd spell out everything I know. Others on the forum should please add to this thread whatever reliable technical information they feel is appropriate for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[ocdrowsy]

That's a best method if done correctly death is peaceful and painless

Here is the link below to read about that method and different experiences

Exit bag and inert gas megathread

Exit Bag and Inert Gas Basics —A very, very long post, I know, but I feel like I've fielded a lot of questions about this, so I figured I'd spell out everything I know. Others on the forum should please add to this thread whatever reliable technical information they feel is appropriate for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thank you!