Venting I just can't do it

[Menschenmühle]

I can't commit suicide. The means are available yet my mind stops me. I don't think it's because of survival instinct. When I think of it, I find that there's no way that death can gurantee eternal peace, for who knows what truly happens after death? There are many possibilites, and there's no reason to favour one over the other.
What this means is that my suicide may only be a futile action. What's left then is to live. Yet I don't know how to live. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what the future might offer me. I've become so entangled with the idea of death to the point where its opposite, life, never crossed my mind. But now that death seems to be out of the question, I find myself lost.
I don't want to suffer, yet suffering seems to be inescapable. Death offers me no satisfying solution, but what can life offer me either?
There's no good reason to live, yet there's no good reason to die. What then? What can I do?

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i don't know what got you to where you are currently. no need to rush.