I hurt someone while blackout drunk

[hereandthere13]

A few months ago I went out with some friends and got severely intoxicated to the point of blackout. I woke up the next day in the psych ward not knowing how I got there or why. I could not remember anything from the night prior besides small blips in my memory. I found out that I hurt someone I love that night, and while they forgave me and helped me stop drinking, they don't really talk to me anymore bc I *think* they feel uncomfortable around me. I haven't seen them since the incident occured. Since then, I haven't been able to get over what happened and forgive myself. Even though I don't remember doing anything, I still hurt my friend and I hate myself for that. I feel digusted, sad, damaged, afraid. It's become one of the main reasons I want to CTB. So my question is, have you guys gotten over your past mistakes? Have they influenced your reasons for CTB? If you've been able to heal and move past them, how? I'm struggling a lot rn.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Your sober mind didn't consciously make the decision to hurt your friend, it's something you did while your mind was under the influence. I'm not sure exactly what you did, but if you apologise and take accountability you aren't a bad person. And as much as it might hurt you cant really force that friend to be around you anymore, there isn't much you can do beyond apologising and acknowledging what you did was wrong. Just know that you aren't a bad person and the fact that you're willing to be honest and show remorse proves that. You could have a bright future ahead of you if things improve and you fully move on from this. Try to use that as fuel to push you forward and try harder to recover from your pain and mishaps. I hope you are able to heal, much love.