I hope this Christmas is going to be my last

[FadeOut]

I've decided to go see my parents this Christmas even though it involves travel and other things that trigger my extreme phobia. I'm gathering all my limited mental energy to do it because I hope this Christmas is going to be my last.

No, I don't have a plan. Cause there's always some stupid hope that life's not gonna be that miserable, it's gonna be fine. But I believe there's gonna be a breaking point. Maybe next year. Let it be my new year resolution of sort.

 

[ikadasui]

Right there with you. I don't even care about christmas I hope anyday can be the day I fucking pull the trigger it's a nightmare I never signed up for

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Cause there's always some stupid hope that life's not gonna be that miserable, it's gonna be fine.

We never really know, do we? I don't have any hope of things getting better for me, though. They haven't in more than 30 years, why would they now? Eventually, that same old movie rerun just gets tiring and it becomes time to just get out of the theater, hopefully before the theater burns down to the ground.

 

[Winterreise]

Traveling sucks when in such poor condition. Airports are so depressing. Its the sameness. Unchanged and robust. While we are dwindling piece by piece. Year by year. I Try not to look at anything. If possible, eyes closed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish that it's my last as well, your feelings of wishing to leave are understandable. But the unfortunate reality is that I will very likely still be here next year. It does fill me with dread the thought of existing for another year, I'm already very tired of it all and I want no more unnecessary days spent here, I've suffered enough.

 

[Bigpink]

I have the wish that each Xmas I'm condemned to be here will be my last