Venting I hope I'm close

[Baron]

Tomorrow is my last exam in school. I feel so clueless, without any future plans. What should I do after that? Should I apply for an easy job, should I study at university and what would I even study? Up until now I have only drifted with the flow, I would always just go to the next year of school and so on. But tomorrow this life ends and I have to do something out of my own motivation, wich is near 0. I hope I can finally at least attempt to kill myself after tomorrow. Before I felt like failing an attempt would be pathetic, but now I feel like just making the attempt will bring me closer to death, even if I don't die. I might try hanging, partial maybe. I'll buy a rope and do it when my mom isn't home. This is the hope I've been clinging to these past years. That I will one day end it. I feel so close to the day of salvation. But I am also afraid, afraid that I won't do shit and just live on, even though I am well aware of the lack of meaning there is to my existence. The duality of a man. Tomorrow is the day that will end my school life and also hopefully the day from wich one onward I can scrap together enough resolve to kill myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find what you are searching for, best wishes.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I'll be honest with you as someone who thought school and work meant squat when I was younger when I had extremely serious health problems I should have been focused on instead. If you're healthy, none of the other shit matters. Of course, only you know how you feel so realistically ask yourself what might be important to you in 10-20 years time if you were to suddenly fall ill. Would it be passing an exam? Probably not. But I hope for the best regardless of your choice.

 

[LifeIsBS]

imagine if we didn't need to think about these useless crap like "future plans" or "jobs" and shit, i mean sure working is necessary to produce stuff we need but the way things are set up is totally bs. imagine if one could just "live" life, like no pressure or anything, just do what you want (not as in whatever you want like bad stuff but more like, hey there is an open job about working on "this" to produce "that", and they require manpower so why not give a hand, that kinda thing, just be "free" y'know), just moving one place to another, helping out on truly "useful" stuff and earning some extra that way. or why do anything at all, why not find a good place, grow your own fruits or veges etc. i mean money shouldn't be as important as it is now. places shouldn't be closed of.. i am sorry, i went on rambling shit. i am kind of in a same boat, i don't care about the future, it'll be pointless anyway, and staying isn't an option, i gotta leave asap too.

I hope you can be successful with whatever you decide to do. Good luck.

 

[blackwave]

Remember that you are not alone in experiencing of dual feelings, you don't need to rush, take your time, only you know what will be best option for you, maybe to get the answer you still need little more time, wish you peace in whatever you decide to do