I have two days left

[Sensei]

I do

Only you know if it's the right thing to do. However, BPD_LE has suggested a possible solution for you. Don't you think that you owe it to yourself to try a change of environment? To get away from abusive people in your surroundings and just be alone and rest? If you have survived all those years, what do a week or two matter? Again, only you know.

 

[EmptyArms]

Im so sorry you are having such a terrible time. You've had it really rough. You know what, there are already so many people here who really care about you, and care about what happens to you. Maybe this would be a good place to stay for a while and see if any of this helps you to feel more supported and better understood. There's no one here who hasn't felt absolutely desperate. There's always someone here who will listen and give you time, and they might have ideas you haven't yet thought of. Try not to rush to any conclusion just yet.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I understand exactly how you feel, especially the part of not really wanting to but basically having to. I spent so much of my life merely existing and when I began to start living for the first time I become suicidal shortly after due to some tragic error I had made in the past when I felt more dead than alive.

 

[Soul]

@kittycat089bunny, I feel for you, and also admire the hell out of you for getting into college in spite of all the awful things you've had to deal with.

I'm another one who would like to see you get away from that toxic environment for at least a couple of weeks, so you can consider your options in less troubling surroundings. Maybe a sanctuary for homeless teenagers or victims of abuse could offer you a safe neutral place to stay just to think.

(((Hug)))

 

[kittycat089bunny]

Thank you everyone for the lovely messages. I've never met a more supportive group of people online in my whole life. I had a very sleepless night because I was just thinking about things over and over. This whole situation just sucks.
I feel so horrible today. I feel so low and depressed. Right now I'm definitely leaning more towards doing it. As much as I would love to have a long and happy life, i just don't think it's going to happen.
why did things have to turn out so bad?

 

[LittleJem]

I am so sorry all of this happened to you.I can't imagine everything you have gone through.

 

[Sensei]

Thank you everyone for the lovely messages. I've never met a more supportive group of people online in my whole life. I had a very sleepless night because I was just thinking about things over and over. This whole situation just sucks.
I feel so horrible today. I feel so low and depressed. Right now I'm definitely leaning more towards doing it. As much as I would love to have a long and happy life, i just don't think it's going to happen.
why did things have to turn out so bad?

My heart aches for you, I really mean that. I have no right to tell you what to do and you have no obligation to listen to me, but when you write that you lean towards doing it, it's obvious that you aren't 110 % sure. If you aren't 110 % sure I think you should wait. If you go through with this, it cannot be undone. There's no denying that you have been badly scarred by life and that it will take time for you to heal, but it's not impossible, and I know this for a fact. I had a colleague who was sexually abused by her father when she was a child, was beaten by both her parents and her teachers, had problems graduating from school, and so on. Now she's a certified teacher, married, the mother of a boy and a girl, and so on. It's not impossible.

 

[kittycat089bunny]

god this is unbearable. I want to end it all so badly right now.

I am so sorry all of this happened to you.I can't imagine everything you have gone through.

Thank you, I appreciate that

 

[kittycat089bunny]

I think I'm going to book a hotel room now for tomorrow. I can't take this.
maybe in being impulsive because I'm so overwhelmed, or maybe this is what I really want. Fuck

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I think I'm going to book a hotel room now for tomorrow. I can't take this.
maybe in being impulsive because I'm so overwhelmed, or maybe this is what I really want. Fuck

I would say it's better not to rush things cause there's a chance things won't go well when you're impulsive.
If you really want it to succeed, don't rush it

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I think I'm going to book a hotel room now for tomorrow. I can't take this.
maybe in being impulsive because I'm so overwhelmed, or maybe this is what I really want. Fuck

Hey ctb is permanent, please do not book a hotel impulsive if you are not sure about ctb.
Please take a breath, sit down and think about what you want and even if you don't know at the moment whether you want to stay alive or recover that's okay: you can ctb anytime.

 

[kittycat089bunny]

Well that's just sent me over the edge. I just had an argument with my mother and she said "just go and fucking do it then", so her wish will be granted. She also said "god what the fuck is wrong with" and she called me stupid and every other name under the sun.

god I need to do it so badly. This is what I'm meant to do.

 

[Alec]

Well that's just sent me over the edge. I just had an argument with my mother and she said "just go and fucking do it then", so her wish will be granted. She also said "god what the fuck is wrong with" and she called me stupid and every other name under the sun.

god I need to do it so badly. This is what I'm meant to do.

I'm so SO SO SORRY!!!! I have an abusive and drunk mother too. I have been in a situation where I told myself "that's it this is the last straw". I wish so bad I had some words of wisdom for you or whatever else that would've helped you or made you feel better because I care about you and I don't want you to suffer. I think the only thing here is that, doing this this has to be your decision for your own reasons, don't do it because or for somebody else. Screw them? Screw stupid people, they don't deserve us considering their opinions or even taking them into an account. Maybe think and ask yourself if you want to do this because of something someone stupid said, or do you want this to be your decision based on far more important things. At least that the way I talk to myself when I think I can't handle being around these people anymore and want to leave NOW in any way possible. Please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay strong!!! You are incredible and you are so brave!!!! But whatever you choose, it has to be something you truly believe is the best choice for you in the situation, whatever you do, do it because of your own decision. I love you so much!!!

 

[rosetrapped]

I can't take this anymore, so I've finally come to the decision of taking my own life. I've finally accepted this choice, even though it's been so hard.
I don't want to die, but I can't go on living like this anymore so my only option is to ctb.
I hate that this is happening when I'm so young. I hate everything that has happened to me. I just hate this life. I can't wait to be free and finally at peace.

Hey, im new on here but Im 18 from uk and ive experienced some similar things to you. My friend who is also 18 had a very abusive mother and he now lives alone but assisted and hes got a part time job to help and he gets benefits and free food and financial help from college. I know how scary it is to think about leaving and being alone aswell, Ive had to run away before and its horrible. If you ever want to talk please pm me hun, there are options and resources for you, but ik its so hard when you're already depressed and ready to end it xx

 

[Time]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Like others, I hope that you exhaust every option before ctb (especially because you're so young). But, if you decide to ctb, I support your decision. Either way, we're here to support you.

I would say it's better not to rush things cause there's a chance things won't go well when you're impulsive.
If you really want it to succeed, don't rush it ❤

And, this... If you do ctb, I hope that you don't do it impulsively. A failed attempt could make your situation worse.

 

[Sideswipe]

Are you still with us? I know that things were crap after failed attempt. Im worried as not seen you online anywhere.. not just here.. since Xmas eve.

@SinisterKid