I Have to Go and I'm Scared

[lizzywizzy09]

I was here four years ago, bought SN from two sources. It was a relief to know that they were there. I stupidly tried to live my life since then but everything has gotten so much worse. My body is garbage and rapidly declining. I'm 34 and live at home, literally only leaving for work but who knows for how much longer. My social life is non-existent and it's my fault for not getting diagnosis and treatment for this illness I've had since adolescence. I'm not close with family. They neglected me and blame me for them not paying attention to my needs back then. So best case scenario is that I end up disabled and living at home with the parents who helped ruin my life.

I travelled some these last few years. The places were beautiful. But no matter where you go, there you are. I'm what's wrong and under different circumstances I realize now far too late that happiness could have been possible for me had I had earlier treatment and prevention but I fucked it all up because I was so scared and doctors are garbage.

I regret not using SN. I still have it but its four years old. Maybe it'll still work... I'm in Canada but I did find a site that sells it but no idea if it's safe to do so. But I'm also a coward and am afraid to do it, I know myself. But knowing myself means knowing my future Will be a deeply unhappy one and life is unbearable for me. I wake up early and my foot is shaking because of my nerves. I can't stay here. I have to go. I wish I was brave. Or smart enough to figure out how to end things peacefully. I'm in Hell. Help me.

 

[falling_snow]

Is the SN correctly sealed or not opened? If so, it should be safe to continue using it. Though maybe it isn't as effective as fresh ones.

Nonetheless, I believe that you still want recovery and healing. Maybe suicide isn't your solution, but help, but it's your choice and I have no say over what you think and your life. Therapy and medical help is there, but I don't know your situation. So good luck and may you find peace.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Is the SN correctly sealed or not opened? If so, it should be safe to continue using it. Though maybe it isn't as effective as fresh ones.

Nonetheless, I believe that you still want recovery and healing. Maybe suicide isn't your solution, but help, but it's your choice and I have no say over what you think and your life. Therapy and medical help is there, but I don't know your situation. So good luck and may you find peace.

It's sealed but feels rather clumpy when I shake the bottle.

And yes but no. I wish I could have recovered but my current circumstances make it impossible for me to live a remotely content life. I buried my head in the sand and fucked myself over. Early treatment was key. Impossible to fix now. It's worse than a lifetime prison sentence.

 

[iloverachel]

I am sorry you are suffering so much
I can relate with having a non existent social life and mental health getting worse.
It truly sucks and I hope you find peace soon

 

[falling_snow]

It's sealed but feels rather clumpy when I shake the bottle.

And yes but no. I wish I could have recovered but my current circumstances make it impossible for me to live a remotely content life. I buried my head in the sand and fucked myself over. Early treatment was key. Impossible to fix now. It's worse than a lifetime prison sentence.

There might be some moisture in that case, or they just got clumpy with time. Try the aquarium tests (find more info in the guides)

Life itself is a prison, we live and are trained to be enslaved, and we are unable to make advancements. Existence is pain when you are socially 'weird'.

 

[unnamed2]

I relate to you in 100%.
Main pain in my mind is that it is to late for me.
I was frightened when i was a child to tell somebody that im not ok and now i know that there is no way to catch up.

 

[Sad & Empty girl]

I was here four years ago, bought SN from two sources. It was a relief to know that they were there. I stupidly tried to live my life since then but everything has gotten so much worse. My body is garbage and rapidly declining. I'm 34 and live at home, literally only leaving for work but who knows for how much longer. My social life is non-existent and it's my fault for not getting diagnosis and treatment for this illness I've had since adolescence. I'm not close with family. They neglected me and blame me for them not paying attention to my needs back then. So best case scenario is that I end up disabled and living at home with the parents who helped ruin my life.

I travelled some these last few years. The places were beautiful. But no matter where you go, there you are. I'm what's wrong and under different circumstances I realize now far too late that happiness could have been possible for me had I had earlier treatment and prevention but I fucked it all up because I was so scared and doctors are garbage.

I regret not using SN. I still have it but its four years old. Maybe it'll still work... I'm in Canada but I did find a site that sells it but no idea if it's safe to do so. But I'm also a coward and am afraid to do it, I know myself. But knowing myself means knowing my future Will be a deeply unhappy one and life is unbearable for me. I wake up early and my foot is shaking because of my nerves. I can't stay here. I have to go. I wish I was brave. Or smart enough to figure out how to end things peacefully. I'm in Hell. Help me.

How are you right now?( Have you ever thought of Carbon monoxide poisoning with a grill and white coal in an enclosed room and vents covered?) I hope to help you make you feel better, with or without the method.

It's sealed but feels rather clumpy when I shake the bottle.

And yes but no. I wish I could have recovered but my current circumstances make it impossible for me to live a remotely content life. I buried my head in the sand and fucked myself over. Early treatment was key. Impossible to fix now. It's worse than a lifetime prison sentence.

I'll be on here for you if you need me, you can talk to me and I'll respond as soon as possible. (If you want. I wish to give people more company too, sometimes people need it.)