Honestly I think I am done already
Nothing improved after yearss of trying, I still cannot feel happiness nor any pleasure in my life. Each fucking thing is still shitty and I cannot try to improve it more since I have been trying and trying and nothing has changed anyway. I still suffer and I cannot change that and I will not be able to, every day is just shitty blank experience of mine that is only filled with suffering and dread, I cannot run away from it. I have bought my SN already, so I can finally achieve peace and kill myself.
I am just sad that I wasted so much time already trying to do anything, yet nothing has got up. The date of my SN attempt is very near, and oh God do I wish to finally get some relief from all that unnecessary suffering I have felt throughout my whole life. I feel nothing now, I am not even afraid of dying anymore. I still think about my family and that they will probably miss me, but I just fucking cannot go further its too much pain for me and I have already felt too much of it in my life I just want to rest is it so difficult to grasp? Why do people even expect me to stay living? Why should I suffer only for others? I think that I am right here in this dillema, but still I cannot even think of them discovering my dead body. I fucking love them all but I just cant keep going because I hate it, every second of my life is like trying to sauterize on a road full of spikes on it, I feel every one of the spikes but I am still going because I just dont want to let them down
But I guess it has come to an end, and I truly hope that I will be free soon, very soon
The only thing I hate about SN is its taste, I tried it multiple times and I just fucking hate it, it is very fucking salty and I dislike salt in general and salty foods and all that shit, but it is my only way to die, so I guess I will have to get through it and do it
Freedom also has a price in this wicked world I guess.
Nothing improved after yearss of trying, I still cannot feel happiness nor any pleasure in my life. Each fucking thing is still shitty and I cannot try to improve it more since I have been trying and trying and nothing has changed anyway. I still suffer and I cannot change that and I will not be able to, every day is just shitty blank experience of mine that is only filled with suffering and dread, I cannot run away from it. I have bought my SN already, so I can finally achieve peace and kill myself.
I am just sad that I wasted so much time already trying to do anything, yet nothing has got up. The date of my SN attempt is very near, and oh God do I wish to finally get some relief from all that unnecessary suffering I have felt throughout my whole life. I feel nothing now, I am not even afraid of dying anymore. I still think about my family and that they will probably miss me, but I just fucking cannot go further its too much pain for me and I have already felt too much of it in my life I just want to rest is it so difficult to grasp? Why do people even expect me to stay living? Why should I suffer only for others? I think that I am right here in this dillema, but still I cannot even think of them discovering my dead body. I fucking love them all but I just cant keep going because I hate it, every second of my life is like trying to sauterize on a road full of spikes on it, I feel every one of the spikes but I am still going because I just dont want to let them down
But I guess it has come to an end, and I truly hope that I will be free soon, very soon
The only thing I hate about SN is its taste, I tried it multiple times and I just fucking hate it, it is very fucking salty and I dislike salt in general and salty foods and all that shit, but it is my only way to die, so I guess I will have to get through it and do it
Freedom also has a price in this wicked world I guess.
