I have spent hundreds of thousands on treatment and I have been waiting for my mind to feel comfortable with my decision to ctb...

[Iamhere2005]

I have SN arriving soon. I am getting more low and lost. I just can't see any way that I can ever make a real life for myself.
In my late 40s. I have literally!!! tried every treatment there is. Given up relationships, jobs, moved, lost so many friends to starting over. And I tried everything there is to heal. My parents behaviors fucking broke my brain. I am scared to take the SN but I am getting closer :(

 

[Hollowman]

I can definitely relate I'm in my late 40s too. I'm scared to use my rope. Sorry the treatments didn't work I know how frustrating that is.

 

[cherry7]

I have SN arriving soon. I am getting more low and lost. I just can't see any way that I can ever make a real life for myself.
In my late 40s. I have literally!!! tried every treatment there is. Given up relationships, jobs, moved, lost so many friends to starting over. And I tried everything there is to heal. My parents behaviors fucking broke my brain. I am scared to take the SN but I am getting closer :(

I feel the same. I have a long long long list of treatments I've tried and it's basically all Ive ever spent money on. I've come to believe that the idea that we can heal from trauma is one big lie.

 

[downndone2]

Also in mid-40s, lost most everything several years ago. I'm sick physically and mentally. Not living, barely existing. Scared to use my gun. Don't have enough pills

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much and it must be so tiring what you've had to go through, it certainly is such a cruel world that we exist in but anyway best wishes.