necrotix
cutter ā attempts : 2
- Jan 17, 2026
- 4
(different alter from last couple of posts)
i have zero friends. i used to a couple of years ago. it was mainly my fiance and his younger brother. he loved me a lot, even if he wasnt all the greatest. when they got ostracized from the friend group for some pretty bad stuff, i lost absolutely everything i had. people rarely talk to me first, i initiate everything. even if they do, the conversation always dies so fast no matter who talks first. im the last to respond. im the last to care about anything being said
i have one almost-friend, but we barely talk at all. hes a very shy anxious guy so i expected it to be difficult at first, especially knowing the stuff hes been through, but i didnt expect how little he would even be around. we have a good conversation every couple of months and then he just disappears. i disappeared once and somebody else had to even mention my dormancy for anyone to notice and then he said he missed me when i finally came back. i dont think he was telling the truth
im such a positive person, i think. i see the good in everybody. ill stick around even if you treat me like garbage. ill love you with my whole heart even when the entire world hates you. that isnt enough for anybody and i dont know what could be
i try to put humor in everything because laughter brings people together but everybody thinks im dumb. they treat me like a child because i just try to be happy. i can have serious conversations, i am a grown man
the almost-friend i mentioned earlier, i think i am in love with him too. every time we talk i get so giddy and happy and i feel fluttering in my chest. when he compliments me its like im floating. its like the world crumbles apart every time he leaves. i go through the stages of grief for weeks just waiting to see him again. i know he doesnt feel the same way, and i know he probably never ever will. hes got his own shit going on and i feel selfish for wanting him to pay attention to me all of the time but i know that i could help him. i could make him happy like how he makes me
hes avoidant, emotional, anxious, and everything to me. i have so much love to give and i want to make them feel safe and comfortable so badly. just like how my ex-fiance was, and my ex-boyfriend before him. i dont know why i keep doing this to myself but i cant take it anymore. its been three years since we cut off contact and the loneliness is so heavy and nobody around me cares.
they know how i feel, i have told them. im just somebody that only exists when they see me, not somebody to care about to give attention to or love. i matter when they want me to and its even worse to know that im still okay with that as long as i can matter in some way
i have zero friends. i used to a couple of years ago. it was mainly my fiance and his younger brother. he loved me a lot, even if he wasnt all the greatest. when they got ostracized from the friend group for some pretty bad stuff, i lost absolutely everything i had. people rarely talk to me first, i initiate everything. even if they do, the conversation always dies so fast no matter who talks first. im the last to respond. im the last to care about anything being said
i have one almost-friend, but we barely talk at all. hes a very shy anxious guy so i expected it to be difficult at first, especially knowing the stuff hes been through, but i didnt expect how little he would even be around. we have a good conversation every couple of months and then he just disappears. i disappeared once and somebody else had to even mention my dormancy for anyone to notice and then he said he missed me when i finally came back. i dont think he was telling the truth
im such a positive person, i think. i see the good in everybody. ill stick around even if you treat me like garbage. ill love you with my whole heart even when the entire world hates you. that isnt enough for anybody and i dont know what could be
i try to put humor in everything because laughter brings people together but everybody thinks im dumb. they treat me like a child because i just try to be happy. i can have serious conversations, i am a grown man
the almost-friend i mentioned earlier, i think i am in love with him too. every time we talk i get so giddy and happy and i feel fluttering in my chest. when he compliments me its like im floating. its like the world crumbles apart every time he leaves. i go through the stages of grief for weeks just waiting to see him again. i know he doesnt feel the same way, and i know he probably never ever will. hes got his own shit going on and i feel selfish for wanting him to pay attention to me all of the time but i know that i could help him. i could make him happy like how he makes me
hes avoidant, emotional, anxious, and everything to me. i have so much love to give and i want to make them feel safe and comfortable so badly. just like how my ex-fiance was, and my ex-boyfriend before him. i dont know why i keep doing this to myself but i cant take it anymore. its been three years since we cut off contact and the loneliness is so heavy and nobody around me cares.
they know how i feel, i have told them. im just somebody that only exists when they see me, not somebody to care about to give attention to or love. i matter when they want me to and its even worse to know that im still okay with that as long as i can matter in some way
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