Venting i have no idea what im gonna do

[NoLongerHuman.]

I was disowned by my family because over the past 2-3 months (?) I "didn't show any improvement or want to change." so it's over. what can they be referring to? my mental health. they do not believe in depression, dissociation, anxiety, etc. They always say I choose to be this way and therefore "If you want to be a bum you can be a bum but don't associate with me.". I being a bum am dissociating and falling into depression and dealing with constant panic attacks. I've been trying my best, but now I feel like it's all worth nothing.

Everything I have ever done was nothing to them because of these three months. all of these years of trying to get over my CSA trauma (that could have been avoided if they only listened to me) just to be told it doesn't matter because they don't care. worst part, they called me while I was having a panic attack to tell me this. they kept telling me how I should be sick with myself and mad at only myself.

they've always been terrible to me and I have no idea why... maybe because I'm gross. I've always loved them dearly, and I still do...even the ones who have hurt me. maybe I care too much. The I've always hated myself. I've always been sad. I won't deny it. Only because my mental health declined because I started getting flashbacks they just said bye. haha.


I'm only still alive because of my boyfriend. I don't know how, but I have hopes for a future even though I also see myself dying. I want the pain of all my mental and physical conditions to end. is it truly that hard to ask for? I mean, yeah it seems like it.

I typed a lot more than I thought I would, sorry haha. hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day

 

[untothedepths]

I'm sorry your family is (forgive me) too fucking stupid to realize that depression is an extremely serious thing and instead of trying to support you or comfort you they think you are just lazy. Total clown mentality. You didn't deserve feeling this way at all.

You have hope so, if I was to tell something to past me, it would be to forget your family and learn to love them at a distance. You need to start fighting for your life. It's hard and brutal work, but if you want to, try it.

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

I'm sorry your family is (forgive me) too fucking stupid to realize that depression is an extremely serious thing and instead of trying to support you or comfort you they think you are just lazy. Total clown mentality. You didn't deserve feeling this way at all.

You have hope so, if I was to tell something to past me, it would be to forget your family and learn to love them at a distance. You need to start fighting for your life. It's hard and brutal work, but if you want to, try it.

thank you for your kind words ^_^.. and yeah.. if i want to have a remotely happy life i have to learn to let them go.

and yeah, they are pretty dumb to think depression is a choice.

 

[Ash’Girl]

Some people just don't have a clue of the struggle and the strength it takes to attempt to battle inner demons. To me these people lack basic empathy and are completely unable to put themselves in the the shoes of anyone else.

I'm sorry they are treating you this way. Sometimes the best thing is to cut all toxic influences out of your life, or at least significantly limit their access to you - that includes family. Put yourself first.

It's really hard but might help in your recovery as it seems you are still in a mindset to give recovery a chance. Wishing you the best with it all, if there's a chance you can be happy, I hope you achieve it.