I have no hope anymore I am ever going to find love and happiness

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't think op is putting too much pressure on herself. She is 27. Most people at this age already experienced romance, sex and are now surviving on their own. It's natural that she should have already experienced at least half of this, otherwise there is definitely something wrong.

If someone reach 27 with nothing, it's likely that life will only get worse, because body will get slower, as the brain; genetic diseases will appear and beauty disappear.

Elderly people who still achieve something usually had a normal youth, not crippled like op. Its far more difficult to achieve anything at old age when you had no foundation before hand.

No offense, but everyhting you said is just a massive cope. I just hate it when they tell me that I haven't achieved anything because "my time hasn't come yet and i shouldnt pressure myself". Damn, my psychologist keeps saying that to me and i hate it. I just tell her - 'No, I'm late and my time won't come, because I'm already past it'

Who's to say that those peopme didn't have issues during their youth similar to or even more severe than what the OP has gone through? It feels like you are just projecting your issues onto my post. Not everyone accomplishes things in life at the same rate so there isn't a point in the OP beating themself up over it. It's fairly normal for people to move at different paces in life as a result of all sorts of circumstances. There are literally cases of people who don't get to learn how to read until adulthood for crying outloud. The OP shouldn't have to feel bad over any of this.

It feels like your gripes with my post gave more to do with your feelings, rather than with the feelinsg of the OP. If you want to whine about about your psychologist then do so under a different thread, please and thank you.

 

[Morte]

Who's to say that those peopme didn't have issues during their youth similar to or even more severe than what the OP has gone through? It feels like you are just projecting your issues onto my post. Not everyone accomplishes things in life at the same rate so there isn't a point in the OP beating themself up over it. It's fairly normal for people to move at different paces in life as a result of all sorts of circumstances. There are literally cases of people who don't get to learn how to read until adulthood for crying outloud. The OP shouldn't have to feel bad over any of this.

It feels like your gripes with my post gave more to do with your feelings, rather than with the feelinsg of the OP. If you want to whine about about your psychologist then do so under a different thread, please and thank you.

At least I'm projecting my life, which so far has many points in common with the OP's. While you are projecting other people's lives into op, people you don't even know about; literally quoting a random comment from an elderly person lol

There are people who win the lottery, that doesn't mean it's logical to expect this to happen to someone else. Statistically, anyone who cannot read by adulthood will be a financial failure in life. People at such situation who manage to turn things around are due to very specific circumstances and it's not fair to say someone is in "their time" just because outliers like them happen.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

At least I'm projecting my life, which so far has many points in common with the OP's. While you are projecting other people's lives into op, people you don't even know about; literally quoting a random comment from an elderly person lol

There are people who win the lottery, that doesn't mean it's logical to expect this to happen to someone elae. Statistically, anyone who cannot read by the age of 30 will be a financial failure in life. People até such situation who manage to turn things around are due to very specific circumstances and it's not fair to say someone is in "their time" just because outliers like these happen.

Dude, if you want to whine about your issues, do so on another thread. You going around projecting your pessimism onto someone who is in a state where it they are vulnerable isn't helpful at all. Its just pathetic.

 

[Morte]

Dude, if you want to whine about your issues, do so on another thread. You going around projecting your pessimism onto someone who is in a state where it they are vulnerable isn't helpful at all. Its just pathetic.

You are just coping and thats no help. The fact that you find me pessimistic for saying the obvious and what is statically common demonstrates that you are simply deluded.

You apparently also consider everyone who contradicts you as "whinning", that's pathetic.
If I'm not treating you with a lack of respect, I have the right to comment wherever I want, the forum is free and your ideas are not some dogma that no one can contest. If you have a problem with this, you're the one who should leave .Just ignore me and get lost.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You are just coping and thats no help. The fact that you find me pessimistic for saying the obvious and what is statically common demonstrates that you are simply deluded.

You apparently also consider everyone who contradicts you as "whinning", that's pathetic.
If I'm not treating you with a lack of respect, I have the right to comment wherever I want, the forum is free and your ideas are not some dogma that no one can contest. If you have a problem with this, you're the one who should leave .Just ignore me and get lost.

Okay, whatever man.

 

[Neowise]

People even tell me I am taking a man's masculinity away because I ask men out and it's the role for the man to pursue a woman.

This is bullshit. We live in modern times. I was the one to ask my boyfriend out, and we are together now. We might still be single if I didn't. Afterwars the world didn't stop rotating, so don't let yourself be discouraged by some idiots living in the 50s.

 

[FireFox]

This is bullshit. We live in modern times. I was the one to ask my boyfriend out, and we are together now. We might still be single if I didn't. Afterwars the world didn't stop rotating, so don't let yourself be discouraged by some idiots living in the 50s.

@Neowise I was born naturally confident with strong social skills and public speaking skills but all it has led to me is being seen as the werid girl at school, in my last job I was an outsider amoungst colleagues who were older and more quieter while I was outspoken and not scared to stand up to arsehole customers and guys never interested in me even though i make the effort to bond with the guys I genuinely like and want to make them happy.

On reddit I once made a thread on r/AskMen and asked whether men do have a problem with women who are naturally confident and could this be a factor why I always ignored or buillied by at school and ignored into adulthood.

The male redditors in the replies called me a "stuck up bitch" which was why the boys ignored me at school and in adulthood. Another one said how maybe I am arrogant and majority of the replies blamed me for my own rejection. Yes according to the men it's my f*cking fault.

I really think every man wants to be the one who purses the woman and its a man nature to be dominant. Every man I like sees me as someone to be ashamed of it makes sense now.

I am a freak

 

[EvisceratedJester]

On reddit I once made a thread on r/AskMen and asked whether men do have a problem with women who are naturally confident and could this be a factor why I always ignored or buillied by at school and ignored into adulthood.

The male redditors in the replies called me a "stuck up bitch" which was why the boys ignored me at school and in adulthood. Another one said how maybe I am arrogant and majority of the replies blamed me for my own rejection. Yes according to the men it's my f*cking fault.

Bud, it's reddit. Even Redditors make fun of Redditors. From what I know, a lot of the men on r/AskMen are supposedly assholes anyways, so you shouldn't let their opinion of you bother you. A lot of those dudes are insecure dumbasses who like shaming women because it makes them feel better about themselves. Plenty of men like women who are confident and outspoken.

It's not in men's nature to be dominant. That's just patriarchal bullshit. The only guys I've ever seen who genuinely believe this are usually very insecure.

 

[Coringa]

Pelo que eu sei, muitos dos homens no r/AskMen são supostamente idiotas de qualquer maneira, então você não deve deixar a opinião deles sobre você incomodá-lo.

I don't go into this place, in fact, I don't even go on Reddit, but you don't have to be very smart to know that in this type of place there are many incels and your answers wouldn't be pleasant.

 

[FireFox]

Bud, it's reddit. Even Redditors make fun of Redditors. From what I know, a lot of the men on r/AskMen are supposedly assholes anyways, so you shouldn't let their opinion of you bother you. A lot of those dudes are insecure dumbasses who like shaming women because it makes them feel better about themselves. Plenty of men like women who are confident and outspoken.

It's not in men's nature to be dominant. That's just patriarchal bullshit. The only guys I've ever seen who genuinely believe this are usually very insecure.

@EvisceratedJester I have gone through so much rejection all throughout my life I now believe am unlovable.No much how effort and genuine interest I show the men I love I actually care about them its never ever enough.

These men want someone else and see something special in other women. Other women get chosen while I get rejected its so painful.

I can't win anymore men are impossible to please. Every time I get rejected I feel like the unluckiest woman in the world and the woman the man chooses over me she is the luckiest woman in the world getting chosen by him.

Their specialness in being chosen and I never got to experience such love ever

I don't go into this place, in fact, I don't even go on Reddit, but you don't have to be very smart to know that in this type of place there are many incels and your answers wouldn't be pleasant.

@Coringa The women subs are not better either as well.

● Two X Chromosomes - I posed about my sadness over being single while seeing other women i grew up with getting married and being successful with men.

None of the thousands of women who were active on that sub didn't even respond to my posts but whenever a woman posts about how awful, lazy or useless or an arsehole her boyfriend or husband is it gets over a thousand likes and so many responses along with support.

Another time I posted about how I can't cope anymore with the years of make rejection I have experienced. The women on the sub pretty much looked down upon me for wanting a loving relationship with a man and told me how being single woman is cool.

The sub is supposed be a space for women to talk about women's issues but 90% of posts are women complaining about their boyfriends and husbands. The common complaints are about bf or husband didn't do something they wanted properly or bf or husband doesn't give enough attention etc.

● Forever Alone Women moderator was a femcel bully who didn't like me and kept picking on me while other women stood there and did nothing

 

[FireFox]

I realise this is kind of hypocritical because I hate it when people try to push me to look on the bright side or- use phrases like: 'At least'. Anything preceeded by 'at least you...' tends to agitate me. But... starting at uni will mean an influx of at least 30 or more people into your life I would think. You don't know for sure that you won't find very good friends amongst them. Maybe even a partner- you just don't know.

I can understand being cautious to not pin your hopes on it but- you simply don't know. On the other hand- you can absolutely decide that you won't meet someone. You can absolutely ignore everyone and decide it's not worth the risk trying to form friendships/ relationships. Some of it is fate. Good or bad luck in who we happen to meet but, some of it is what we're willing to risk in terms of opening ourselves up to people. From what you've said in previous posts, it sounds like you do still put a lot of effort in. I only hope that this time, it's rewarded and you meet people worthy of your effort.

Do you feel positive about uni though? It seemed like you weren't even sure you'd be able to do the course in some of your other posts. I was 28 when I did my second degree so, I feel like I do have some idea of how you're feeling. I'm 44 and have never had a relationship too so, you're not entirely alone in that feeling also. Not that that helps probably...

@Forever Sleep I am enjoying university but I still feel so isolated. I am so lonely right now. I attend a large university with one of the best law programmes in the UK but still I feel isolated than ever even though I mix with the student population.

The university I attend has a lot of students from overseas especially from China, India, USA and other countries across Europe even in my classes I am either the only Brit or belong to a small group of British students.

A lot of students from overseas stick together with people from who come from the same country as them and they bond with each other with no real interest with mixing with other people. It can be hard to make friends . It shows a lot in where people sit next to each other in class and hang out around campus.

The university organises loads of events and outings which I do attend that is how I meet people but it lasts for a short while. I talk to people but it fizzles out after a while so I am lonely again. My socal skills a very high but finding people who reciprocate is difficult.

I get on very well with people and I do help other people but it's just finding people who stick around.

In my law classes I have classmates who are practicing lawyers in their home nations or have impressive career histories. One of my American classmates she had a job working in human rights in New York. In my tax law classes I have classmates who are qualified lawyers in tax. I do feel like the odd one out sometimes.

 

[FireFox]

@FireFox I feel like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to keep up with your peers, but it's fine to move at your own pace. A lot of people don't get to finish their post-secondary education until later in life during to all sorts of reasons. Hell, two of the women in my philosophy class are older than most of us and already have kids of their own. One of the guys in my ecology class was older than us (I think he may have been around his mid-20s). These are people completing their undergrad. A lot of people don't lose their virginity or start dating until their 20s to 30s. Sometimes even later than that. I think this tweet points to where I'm getting at.
View attachment 151025

@EvisceratedJester I really appreciate your comments and your perspectives on life. Thank you so much

My main problem is I don't have anyone to talk too which contributes a lot to the loneliness I have in my life. I have even experienced judgemental behaviour from other women who used to be single and now have boyfriends and husbands.

This year I got builled out of a digtal detox community on discord by these formerly single women.

● One woman let's call her A - She said I need to "put myself out there". I already explained I have the natural confidence to talk to people but all my life guys ignored me and dont want to know me. She responded saying "use dating apps". I explained I don't feel comfortable using dating apps because me being a black woman growing up my whole life I have experienced never being seen as pretty while racial groups got desired even men of my own race harassed me and abused me while they were always nicer to the white women and girls. I read dating apps have a very low succes rate for black women I don't want to go through a competition I won't win. She is a white woman, she doesn't get how hard it is for black women to find love due to society and men attracted to eurocentric standards of beauty.

She proceeds to criticise me for my poor "attitude" and how its my fault I am single. She went on about her experiences of not being attractive and having a facial swelling deformity and how she met her husband on a dating app. Not everyone is lucky as she is

● Another woman let's call her B- she talked about her experiences of male rejection and how she "never let it get to her". She says she has husband now and how" I need to put myself out there". This same woman went on about London having free therapy and how I am not trying. I live in London and these free therapies and low cost options have restrictions. NOT ALL of London is the same every area is different. Some areas have more mental health care options than others.

Woman A said "there is a reason why you struggle to make friends". Just because they were lucky to find partners and achieve recovery doesn't mean it will happen for everyone else. Life doesn't give us what we want.

Even other women bully other women for being single.

 

[LostSoul1965]

You sound like a lovely young woman. Well spoken and caring judging by your writing. 30 is young. When you least expect it someone will come into your life. A guy would be lucky to get to know you.

 

[dreamfyre]

"Tis better to have loved and lost..."

is it though? its painful enough having never loved someone romantically... i fear the pain of true heartbreak

 

[FireFox]

You sound like a lovely young woman. Well spoken and caring judging by your writing. 30 is young. When you least expect it someone will come into your life. A guy would be lucky to get to know you.

@LostSoul1965 Thanks for your lovely words.

As I get older I have am finding it so hard to believe there is some out there for me because I have been rejected by men all my life.

I have tried to enjoy single life believe. I go to mueusums, parks and so many places by myself since I don't have friends to do stuff

Never having close friends i have had learnt to how to socialise by myself and do things on my own.

A couple of months ago I climbed an attraction in my city which is 52 metres high. Seeing other couples in the climbing group I was in reminded me of what I don't have, never got to have and want more than anything.

 

[FireFox]

is it though? its painful enough having never loved someone romantically... i fear the pain of true heartbreak

@dreamfyre I don't understand how love is seen as this beautiful emotion when it causes self destruction and pain if it is not reciprocated.

Mentally, spiritually and emotionally my lifetime of being rejected by men has broken me as a person. I tried to be a good and loving person but no man ever appreciated it or wanted to know the real me.

I wish my family taught me how to deal with rejection properly instead of saying "everything happens for a reason" or "rejection is a blessing. Frequent rejection makes me feel I have lost an opportunity whether it is a job I really wanted or that man I really wanted. Mentally I go into severe depression and feel like it's the end of the world.

 

[dreamfyre]

@dreamfyre I don't understand how love is seen as this beautiful emotion when it causes self destruction and pain if it is not reciprocated.

Mentally, spiritually and emotionally my lifetime of being rejected by men has broken me as a person. I tried to be a good and loving person but no man ever appreciated it or wanted to know the real me.

I wish my family taught me how to deal with rejection properly instead of saying "everything happens for a reason" or "rejection is a blessing. Frequent rejection makes me feel I have lost an opportunity whether it is a job I really wanted or that man I really wanted. Mentally I go into severe depression and feel like it's the end of the world.

I'm so sorry to hear how much you've been hurt :(

There's only so much rejection you can take. I know it's hard, but hang in there. Always open for a private chat if you need it :)

 

[Ashu]

is it though?

I feel so, and I've always been brutally disappointed by love in the end. But I totally understand why you feel that way.

 

[dreamfyre]

I feel so, and I've always been brutally disappointed by love in the end. But I totally understand why you feel that way.

I'm sorry to hear that :(

What's happened if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Ashu]

I'm sorry to hear that :(

What's happened if you don't mind me asking?

Oh, the usual: the woman would always leave me, sooner rather than later, for what were undoubtedly her own good reasons, until I finally met one who wouldn't leave (eighteen years of marriage yesterday, happy anniversary), and our hopeless mutual fidelity destroyed us both.

 

[dreamfyre]

our hopeless mutual fidelity destroyed us both.

how so? isnt mutual fidelity a good thing?

 

[divinemistress36]

Most romantic love is just lust and temporary. Half of marriages end in divorce

 

[Ashu]

how so? isnt mutual fidelity a good thing?

Not when people are totally wrong for each other.

Most romantic love is just lust and temporary. Half of marriages end in divorce

We should work on seing this as not a bad thing. Romance and fidelity become horrible, cruel ideas when they're set up as standards of righteousness.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Most romantic love is just lust and temporary. Half of marriages end in divorce

That's already been long debunked. Along with that, divorce rates have been on the decline for quite sometime.

Half of Marriages End in Divorce?

We take a look at U.S. and world data to get a sense of the trends.

www.snopes.com

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://scholarworks.wmich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi%3Farticle%3D2087%26context%3Djssw%23:~:text%3DThat%2520the%2520myth%2520of%2520an,is%2520repeated%2520by%2520members%2520of&ved=2ahUKEwjViI_vhYyJAxXGFjQIHXKFJz8QFnoECBIQBg&usg=AOvVaw3BKgMcE5BSusGL_ekfBX1q

 

[FireFox]

Most romantic love is just lust and temporary. Half of marriages end in divorce

@divinemistress36 Experiencing friends no longer wanting to hang out with me once they get boyfriends or love interests is one of the reasons why I struggled with being single all my life. It so painful at times being abandoned by friends once they had bfs or their love life becoming their new life because it was like everyone else was growing up except me and my friends saw me as someone they didn't need anymore. I experienced this both in secondary school and university.

When I was at my last university I befriended with a woman in my law class. During first year we were really close and we talked regularly then second year came all she kept talking about was this man she has been messaging and had a crush on. At times I felt left out of the group because my friend and another classmate would talk about the men in their lives.

The same friend when it came to final year ended up lashing out at me when I experienced some concerns about the relationship she has with the man. I had some suspicions the man was married. I was a different person at 21 and used to think age gap relationships were creepy.

The man was in 40s and had a professional job as a cardiologist while my friend was just a university student in her 20s. I questioned why a man in such a professional job is not with a woman his own age and with a succesful career. Why would he want a woman like my friend? It was even more creepy because the man was a family friend my friend knew all her life.

She got so mad at me for asking are you sure he is not married? I later learnt the man she liked was a family friend in his 40s which she knew all her life. She said to me " I have known him all my life, my family would never lie to me "

She got so fucking defensive it was so disturbing she acted as if I murdered someone. She looked down upon me for being single and mocked me for it.

Not when people are totally wrong for each other.

We should work on seing this as not a bad thing. Romance and fidelity become horrible, cruel ideas when they're set up as standards of righteousness.

@Ashu I hope you and your wife find happiness and actually find people who are compatible with you.

Both of you deserve better