Venting I have no control over myself.

[CrazyDiamond04]

I have zero control over my emotions and it's one of the main reasons why I'm going to CTB. This is one of the most frustrating and humiliating aspects of myself. I hate myself so much because of it. My entire life is consumed by an inferno of rage. Rage at myself, rage at others, rage at objects, rage at not CTBing, this rage will never cease. It's all horseshit, all of it. I can't take any of this anymore. I'm gonna see what I can do about partial hanging, I don't have many other options.

 

[jphouellebecq]

I am so sorry that you are full of such anger, there has to be a reason for your suffering and I'm sure it is quite traumatic to you.
Semi suspension can be quite painful, there are lots of factors to consider.
Unconscious bodies will thrash as they die and can take up to 20 minutes.
I am sorry for all the pain you must be feeling.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Have you ever seen a therapist about your rage?

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

Have you ever seen a therapist about your rage?

Nope.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Nope.

Is it something you'd consider before you CTB? Maybe to get a handle on why you have so much rage and anger? I'm not saying you should, or shouldn't.

 

[cami]

seconding @locked*n*loaded in that i'd say maybe it might help to see a therapist. if you're going to die, you don't really have much to lose. in the end it's up to you though, just my 2 cents.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really awful what you are going through, existing here certainly is so dreadful and torturous, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.