Venting I have no choice

[Ssrejisser]

I ordered N, A will ship it next Saturday. It's not long for me. I am feeling really sad, because I feel that I haven't lived. I am only 26. And I realize there is not going to be another life. It's sad that it will be over, I wish I never had the accident that made me an invalid. I wish I never had met my ex, from whom everything started... There is a thread about when do people think it all went wrong for them, for me it's when I met him, and stayed for 6 years. That's when everything started to down. Until a break point when my body snapped. I feel so hopeless and resentful with myself. Why did this have to happen? I would still have my life, but now I don't have choice. I have to die, because I am not human anymore, I am a broken suffering creature. It's just all so sad. I don't know how to make peace with it...

 

[Macc Lad]

I ordered N, A will ship it next Saturday. It's not long for me. I am feeling really sad, because I feel that I haven't lived. I am only 26. And I realize there is not going to be another life. It's sad that it will be over, I wish I never had the accident that made me an invalid. I wish I never had met my ex, from whom everything started... There is a thread about when do people think it all went wrong for them, for me it's when I met him, and stayed for 6 years. That's when everything started to down. Until a break point when my body snapped. I feel so hopeless and resentful with myself. Why did this have to happen? I would still have my life, but now I don't have choice. I have to die, because I am not human anymore, I am a broken suffering creature. It's just all so sad. I don't know how to make peace with it...

so sorry to hear that......hope you find peace!

 

[Donewith_]

Very sorry to see that life has been very unfair to you, Things have brought you to this place. life is not fair to everyone. its just how it happens.. very unpredictable. just hope you find your peace be it in life or otherwise.

 

[DownInaHole]

I would like to hear your story some time.


"We don't realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace." —Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

 

[Aaron Jones]

I ordered N, A will ship it next Saturday. It's not long for me. I am feeling really sad, because I feel that I haven't lived. I am only 26. And I realize there is not going to be another life. It's sad that it will be over, I wish I never had the accident that made me an invalid. I wish I never had met my ex, from whom everything started... There is a thread about when do people think it all went wrong for them, for me it's when I met him, and stayed for 6 years. That's when everything started to down. Until a break point when my body snapped. I feel so hopeless and resentful with myself. Why did this have to happen? I would still have my life, but now I don't have choice. I have to die, because I am not human anymore, I am a broken suffering creature. It's just all so sad. I don't know how to make peace with it...

I feel you pain I also was with my partner for over 6 years and now she has left and all I can think of is death as the alternative. She meant everything to me.

 

[Toenditall]

im sorry you had to go though so much i can relate to everything you said

 

[311]

I can relate somewhat

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm so sad for you that you say you feel you haven't really lived :-( do you want to share any of your story at all? X

 

[Moms_Spaghetti]

I ordered N, A will ship it next Saturday. It's not long for me. I am feeling really sad, because I feel that I haven't lived. I am only 26. And I realize there is not going to be another life. It's sad that it will be over, I wish I never had the accident that made me an invalid. I wish I never had met my ex, from whom everything started... There is a thread about when do people think it all went wrong for them, for me it's when I met him, and stayed for 6 years. That's when everything started to down. Until a break point when my body snapped. I feel so hopeless and resentful with myself. Why did this have to happen? I would still have my life, but now I don't have choice. I have to die, because I am not human anymore, I am a broken suffering creature. It's just all so sad. I don't know how to make peace with it...

I can relate to this, but look on the bright side you will have the most peaceful escape at your fingertips. Im only 2 years older than you so I know what you mean by feeling like you haven't really lived yet. I think on all the things life could of had in store for me and things I could've done but really unless you were planning on having children life is pretty pointless and even having children is pretty selfish to bring them into a world of pain. What's the point in hoarding all those experiences and memories your whole life just to lose everything to death anyways. Life's to unpredictable and having control over when you want to die should be freeing if anything. We are all fighting a losing battle from the day we are born. Everything good in life is fleeting and unless you decide to live life minute by minute you'll always either be looking back on the past or anxiously anticipating the future. Idk what happened to you that would make you want to ctb but whether you decide to do it or not dosnt really matter in the end so it's up to you to decide if it's worth it.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I ordered N, A will ship it next Saturday. It's not long for me. I am feeling really sad, because I feel that I haven't lived. I am only 26. And I realize there is not going to be another life. It's sad that it will be over, I wish I never had the accident that made me an invalid. I wish I never had met my ex, from whom everything started... There is a thread about when do people think it all went wrong for them, for me it's when I met him, and stayed for 6 years. That's when everything started to down. Until a break point when my body snapped. I feel so hopeless and resentful with myself. Why did this have to happen? I would still have my life, but now I don't have choice. I have to die, because I am not human anymore, I am a broken suffering creature. It's just all so sad. I don't know how to make peace with it...

Life is incredibly unfair. I try and take comfort in the fact that after i'm dead, I won't feel sad about dying young and missing out. At least you have a peaceful way to CTB and I hope your last thoughts are good ones.

 

[21Neberg]

Find comfort in the fact that your end is nearing, and make those last weeks the best ones ever! Do you have the proper anti-emetics yet?

 

[AhG]

I understand where you are coming from. I feel like I haven't lived my life either and I'm only 22. I stayed with my wife and things happened that weren't in my control. I don't blame her, I miss her like fucking crazy. We are still married and she wants a divorce and I just want to work it out, but it won't happen. It sucks because I'll forever be in love with my best friend.

 

[Ssrejisser]

Thank you all for sharing your comments, I appreciate your attention and kindness. I might write more about my story later. As for antiemetics, A said he sends them also. I am going to start working on my notes to my parents, sister and boyfriend. I hope what I write will make sense and give them at least some comfort.