I have finally lost my battle and the war within myself.

[FireFox]

I tried my best to create a good life for myself, being a good daughter, sister and granddaughter, and I tried so hard to be a good human being caring and helping those in need. I have finally lost my battle and war within myself. Everything is a mess in my life and there is no way back. I have let everyone down.I feel so alone right now with the entire world against me. It feels like an avalanche is coming.

I lost with no where to go. I am sinking and I am struggling to stay above surface level. I reach out and my cries fall on deaf ears. My eyes are red from all the tears I have shed today. My voice is now hoarse from all screaming and crying.

All my life I stood up for myself and was not scared to speak up but I finally say no more fighting. I have never belonged in this world. All I wanted was to good life with financial stability,loved by a man, making society a better place and to be happy. Maybe this was not be.

Sometimes I wish I could skip my life to see if I overcome many thousands of inner demons thar torment. I long for a hug and someone telling me its going to be fine but it won't be this time.

 

[jodes2]

Sounds like a true nightmare, hon. Sorry you're going through this.

I don't know how plausible financial stability is, but you can certainly be loved by a man. There are good men out there for you.

Maybe not all of your demons need be permanent inhabitants of your soul either, things could turn out ok? Somewhat better? I don't know but some things can be fixed, even when it seems like everything has come crashing down into one massive mess.

Sometimes we can learn to fix just enough, just enough, to actually be content. We can learn to live with the things we can't change once we learn to change the things we can.

You probably think you can never be happy? Some things are unfixable? Some things we don't have answers for straight away. Some things we need help with. There's no shame in asking for help. But it's possible with a bit of work and persistence that things can work out. If you're not in a rush to leave this place, I hope you'll give it time and see what you can do. You always have CTB waiting for you if things leave you no other choice. Just aim to fix things one at a time, not as one whole big unsolvable problem

 

[Wasted Potential]

I really relate to this. I did my best, I really did. That's all you can do. It is what it is.

 

[user76]

Not good at giving words of solidarity, but I think that everything that you think isn't meant to be, will be, one day. Sending internet hugs

 

[FireFox]

I really relate to this. I did my best, I really did. That's all you can do. It is what it is.

@Wasted Potential I am do not want to eat nor do anything today.

I don't even want to go to work today because right now it feels like it's me against the workplace.

I can't win anymore. My workplace never supports me in anything. I had a customer who was a mega arsehole and when I told the truth about her unfair behaviour. The workplace management was behaving as if I was beating the customer. It was awful.

Sounds like a true nightmare, hon. Sorry you're going through this.

I don't know how plausible financial stability is, but you can certainly be loved by a man. There are good men out there for you.

Maybe not all of your demons need be permanent inhabitants of your soul either, things could turn out ok? Somewhat better? I don't know but some things can be fixed, even when it seems like everything has come crashing down into one massive mess.

Sometimes we can learn to fix just enough, just enough, to actually be content. We can learn to live with the things we can't change once we learn to change the things we can.

You probably think you can never be happy? Some things are unfixable? Some things we don't have answers for straight away. Some things we need help with. There's no shame in asking for help. But it's possible with a bit of work and persistence that things can work out. If you're not in a rush to leave this place, I hope you'll give it time and see what you can do. You always have CTB waiting for you if things leave you no other choice. Just aim to fix things one at a time, not as one whole big unsolvable problem

@jodes2 People judge those who are in deep depression but nobody ever sees the person's determination to create a better future of themselves. I am so f*cking tired of fighting and nothing ever working out. I fought so hard to create a better life for myself and I am done.

I have no energy to fight anymore. I feel so defeated. Never have I felt so powerless, alone and trapped.

I just want to sleep and never wake up. Right
now everything feels like a bad dream which you want to wake up from but this is not a dream this is reality.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much and it's just so incredibly unfair how this life tortures people. I do think that it's true that some people are not meant for existing, at least that's the way that I see things. It's really understandable wishing to never wake again as of course it can be so tiring feeling trapped here, but anyway best wishes.