Help I have everything

[Faraknur]

I have everything. Objectivly good looks. Good friends. A job that is perfect for me. Enough money and a beautiful city i live in. And some good hobbies like gamemaster in dnd etc,
But i still dont see the point in all this. I am indifferent to most things. Sometimes i am happy in the moment but when i reflect it just does not feel right.
I prepared everything to cbt and every day seems more likely. It gets harder every day to engage with my surroundings. I have had therapy with 3 different therapists for 1 year but still i dont really want to be here.
I dont know what else to do.

 

[Depressed Cat]

I'm sorry to hear about your existential angst.

What kind of therapy/therapies have you had? Have you been prescribed medicines?

 

[Faraknur]

Just some normal depth therapy and ACT (acceptance and commitment). I also took mushrooms the helped a bit. But was not described medicine as they dont think i am really depressed.
I know i have traumas because both my mum and my dad tried to kill themselves before me. I had to bring my mum into the er and she works at that hospital which made it really hard to convince them keeping it as quiet as possible. Also i was raped at 13. Those are my main things.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I have everything. Objectivly good looks. Good friends. A job that is perfect for me. Enough money and a beautiful city i live in. And some good hobbies like gamemaster in dnd etc,
But i still dont see the point in all this. I am indifferent to most things. Sometimes i am happy in the moment but when i reflect it just does not feel right.
I prepared everything to cbt and every day seems more likely. It gets harder every day to engage with my surroundings. I have had therapy with 3 different therapists for 1 year but still i dont really want to be here.
I dont know what else to do.

i also don't see a point to anything. Life and everything in it is meaningless to me.

Why do i have to work so hard for what reason? Why do i have to put up with so many problems , bs, lies, and threats like dementia, cancer, grief, extreme pain, homelessness? For what reason? I don't see a reason a why for me. imo there is no purpose for my life only suffering ahead.

 

[Faraknur]

I am truly envious of religious people. At least they have something to believe in. Maybe i am just overthingking everything.

 

[blueclover_.]

I am truly envious of religious people. At least they have something to believe in. Maybe i am just overthingking everything.

Ignorance is bliss. Once you realize the truth of this vile reality, there's no turning back. Innocence is lost.

 

[gottago222]

if i were you i would practice gratitude. it is proven to rewire the brain in a positive way. if you still decide to ctb i respect that

 

[blueclover_.]

if i were you i would practice gratitude. it is proven to rewire the brain in a positive way. if you still decide to ctb i respect that

Yeah, manipulating your own brain to think life is worth it. Tried that, lasted a year. I choose a painful truth rather than a beautiful lie.

 

[Faraknur]

Thats literally what ACT is. I tried meditating on gratitude and love also.
I just dont care anymore. I can do things many find repulsive because i know it does not matter in the long run. Like cleaning a room full of rotten food and used tampons in my work (BPD Patient who is unable to clean after herself but is still want the best for her).

 

[subj]

Thats literally what ACT is. I tried meditating on gratitude and love also.
I just dont care anymore. I can do things many find repulsive because i know it does not matter in the long run. Like cleaning a room full of rotten food and used tampons in my work (BPD Patient who is unable to clean after herself but is still want the best for her).

have u tried EMDR . It is special for trauma

 

[D2021]

I am truly envious of religious people. At least they have something to believe in. Maybe i am just overthingking everything.

This is not for everyone but ask God to show you in an obvious way that He is real. Try this for awhile and I hope He answers you.

 

[Faraknur]

have u tried EMDR . It is special for trauma

I have not but something similar. Trying to get your inner child out of the traumatic situation and into a save place which you can link to a safe place. can be everyting you want a jumbing castle with tigerbouncers who keep the trauma away etc. i am a social worker and know many of these techniques but none work on me.

 

[little helpers]

I have not but something similar. Trying to get your inner child out of the traumatic situation and into a save place which you can link to a safe place. can be everyting you want a jumbing castle with tigerbouncers who keep the trauma away etc. i am a social worker and know many of these techniques but none work on me.

have u tried EMDR . It is special for trauma

the "imagine a safe place" thing…man. guided imagery, think that's what it's called. I swear I tried, and there's not *one* fucking place I can come up with. hell, l'm king of treatment resistance! /s.

EMDR is sort of just treading water IMO. it kinda qualifies as a treatment on average, but minimally efficacious. be extra cautious with it if you also have a dissociative disorder. EMDR can have a real damage in this situation. I just avoided it after knowing this.

I'm only talking about this becuz offering alternatives is indeed a good-faith practice. it's just, MH (or a lot other physical conditions) doesn't work this way. no real solutions. person can only manage (or choose to stop managing) distress long-term.

 

[FuneralCry]

We all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, and we have no obligations to stay alive as we did not ask to exist. Suicide is a personal decision. The way I see it, life is a pointless experience that we go through for the sake of it. Life is repetitive and boring. I have no interest in living. Life is just one big distraction from death. We are only here in the first place because people decided to selfishly procreate. There is no point to it all. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

No partner, skin hunger?

 

[Depressed Cat]

i am a social worker and know many of these techniques but none work on me.

Maybe you can give medicines a try by seeing a good psychiatrist? It's known to work on some people who've been affected by trauma.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I am truly envious of religious people. At least they have something to believe in. Maybe i am just overthingking everything.

Religiosity although helpful in the grand scheme of how to think about the world and our place in it, does not ameliorate some of the challenges we face on the day to day. Depression is still depression, physical illness is still physical illness, pain is pain after all. I consider myself fairly religious at least in my thinking more than in practice yet here I am with the rest of you cursing my existence on the daily but deep down i know it is not going to waste. It has a value in it for me

 

[blueclover_.]

This is not for everyone but ask God to show you in an obvious way that He is real. Try this for awhile and I hope He answers you.

I must admit that i miss being religious. I truly miss the 'light' at the end of the tunnel even if it's fake. Or is it? I don't know.

 

[Deadly_Intention]

the "imagine a safe place" thing…man. guided imagery, think that's what it's called. I swear I tried, and there's not *one* fucking place I can come up with. hell, l'm king of treatment resistance! /s.

EMDR is sort of just treading water IMO. it kinda qualifies as a treatment on average, but minimally efficacious. be extra cautious with it if you also have a dissociative disorder. EMDR can have a real damage in this situation. I just avoided it after knowing this.

I'm only talking about this becuz offering alternatives is indeed a good-faith practice. it's just, MH (or a lot other physical conditions) doesn't work this way. no real solutions. person can only manage (or choose to stop managing) distress long-term.

I tried EMDR, and it worked ok I think... but it works on a specific memory only. So yes now I can visualize that memory and see it more objectivelyrics and it has less effects on me... but I have about 1000 more to deal with so applying the same technique isn't proving helpful. I may just be resistant... my trauma brain is smarter than I realise. But maybe that's just the BPD... or the MDD? Meh.

Maybe you can give medicines a try by seeing a good psychiatrist? It's known to work on some people who've been affected by trauma.

Medication works when you take it daily as you are supposed to.
What happened with me is that I would take the meds, start to feel like top boss of the world then for some reason stop and fall back into the dark abyss of living hell.
But even if you managed to take meds every day, you would need to take it for life. That could mean 40+ years for some people... imagine the toxins

 

[Gsvko]

I was like this, only my relationships were plenty but empty cuz of trust issues. Worked on that and got fcked over. To hell with everything

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

If you dont smile, you are not happy, if you are not happy you are depressed. try to find fun maybe in this life? an adventure? go out?