Venting I have delusions and it makes me suicidal

[bestroper]

Literally. I have ocd and delusions. I can't live normally because of my delusions. I think someone has hit/will hit me when I go outside (due to trauma)
I'm in my early 20s and I can't do anything. I see so many people I know going to college, getting jobs, and living happily.
I went to the dentist a few days ago to get an x-ray and I think the hospital staff member who took my x-ray hit me in the eye. I don't know if this is real or just delusion. I can't trust myself anymore. But the feeling is so vivid and I keep worrying about my eyes.(Basically, I'm afraid she hit my eye and my eyesight got worse.)
I stay at home almost every day and dropped out of college. I don't know what I to do...

 

[SoulWhisperer]

My mind and environment is not what I'd call exactly healthy and whenever I go outside alone without anyone, especially at big or early in the morning when it's dark (I live in a rural area) I am always afraid someone kill jump out of nowhere and kidnap/kill me from the blue without giving me any reaction time. I am weary and careful of anyone around me and fear they might attack me simply because my mind is in pieces and I have intrusive thoughts.

I somewhat relate, it's horrible and I wish things would magically improve sometimes...