Help I have been fantasizing someone murders me.

[BorderlineGirl]

Hi guys, this is my first post. I have been thinking to post on different topics for so long but at the end I always end up not doing it, but today I felt this is a really important topic to talk about with you.
It has been a few days since that idea crossed my mind, let me tell you about it. There is this guy whom I like very much and I find him really interesting but mysterious and I was talking to him (among other topics) about my mental health and my desire to commit suicide, how no one listens to me (he was actually paying attention to me and it felt good). He said it was nice the fact that I'm so open about it with people and blah blah blah. Days later we started texting and while I was dissociating a savage idea came to my mind "WHAT IF HE IS A MURDERER AND EVERYTHING I JUST TOLD HIM MAKES ME HIS PERFECT VICTIM?", I shocked for a moment and I felt so afraid but then I started thinking about how he could torture me and kill me and somehow I even longed for that to happen. I started rambling and embracing the idea, I felt I would be willing to give myself to that kind of atrocious act, only to get rid of my internal pain, I thought that every kind of torture he could perform would make me feel alive for once and then I would finally die. A part of me was really afraid but after I started looking at the "bright side of it" I was like "fuck it, this is the best that could happen 'cause I know for sure I won't be brave enough to finally kill myself". So it has been 3 days since that idea crossed my mind and tbh the first two days I even felt this was a kind of intuition or premonition (I've dreamed with some things that become true but nothing actually relevant) and today, the 3rd day, I'm a little bit more calmed about it (I tried to stay a little bit away from the guy to try to regain some inner peace). But well, the thing is that I just feel I'm so mentally damaged to fantasize and somehow even desire it to be true. I've been debating myself whether to talk about it to anyone else or not. A part of me thinks that I need to warn other people about what may happen but I know for sure they won't believe me and they'll say I'm just going paranoid (which I can still not decide if I really am or I'm having an intuition).
First of all I'd like to know if you have ever fantasized about this too and then I would really love some help to ease my mind (I've analyze the situation further and a lot of things doesn't fit on him being a murderer but my paranoia is always doubting, either way I think we won't go out on a date but I still have to see him soon and I would like to be calmed when that day comes).
I really appreciate you reading this and commenting. I love this community so much and the fact that we can be open about things others don't like to listen or talk about. A really big hug to you all and lots of love whatever you are going through!

 

[WornOutLife]

I have fantasized about the same!
I even thought of hiring a hitman to kill me lol.

 

[Lady black]

It sounds like my fantasy about being executed by hanging

 

[Blue Rose]

You don't have to be anxious. I have also fantasised about being murdered by someone, especially my beloved one.

In my fantasies, I used to be stabbed so many times, or be broken into pieces by my beloved one.

 

[Sensei]

I've been fantasizing about a madman with a sniper rifle who shoots me in the head without warning. We actually had such a madman who shot immigrants in my country a few decades ago.

 

[Symbiote]

I was hoping I would be targeted in a random hit or a gang initiation's first kill, except that no feelings were lost, no one cared, and everyone continued their day as if nothing had happened. I should move to China and get run over by a semi.

 

[Loser47]

I fantasize about someone decapitating me.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Also have fantasies about being murdered by someone, but in my case it's just the whole being a weeb with a *mild* yandere fetish thing

 

[BorderlineGirl]

It sounds like my fantasy about being executed by hanging

I was even thinking that if he wants to kill me I would tell him it is ok but we should make it look like a suicide and he should hang me

 

[Lady black]

Sounds like the perfect death

 

[BorderlineGirl]

You don't have to be anxious. I have also fantasised about being murdered by someone, especially my beloved one.

In my fantasies, I used to be stabbed so many times, or be broken into pieces by my beloved one.

That was the interesting thing about my thoughts, I wouldn't like just someone to do it, I would like HIM to do it. I think he would be violent but merciful at the same time. He would kill me to save me from pain.

 

[Symbiote]

Still waiting for my wife to stab me while I take a shower with a 9-inch chef knife. That be fucking awesome.

 

[Toptock]

You're fine to think this way. This is purely my own speculation based on my own though process, but ive always been attracted to dangerous people. And since my life has no value (relative to anyond elses) then being the obsession and target of a serial killer would be super cool imo. At least someone pays attention haha but sometimes i wonder if its the same for everyone else. But I get where you're coming from. I hope things work out for you.

 

[Endeavour]

"I've been fantasising that someone murders me".

Let me get a pen - now, where do you live? Muhahahaha [evil laugh].

 

[Symbiote]

"I've been fantasising that someone murders me".

Let me get a pen - now, where do you live? Muhahahaha [evil laugh].

I live in a van down by the river.

 

[BorderlineGirl]

You're fine to think this way. This is purely my own speculation based on my own though process, but ive always been attracted to dangerous people. And since my life has no value (relative to anyond elses) then being the obsession and target of a serial killer would be super cool imo. At least someone pays attention haha but sometimes i wonder if its the same for everyone else. But I get where you're coming from. I hope things work out for you.

Thanks so much for this comment. I also had that train of thought, I always like badass guys and this guy is the most badass I've like, he is dark souled (just like me or even more) and that is why we could talk about torture, suicide and murder without a blink. I have been listening to real crime podcasts and I may started overthinking about being a victim. I also think that my life is not as valuable as others and since no one listens to me when I try to tell them how I feel or that I want to kill myself, I found someone who listened and I even think that him wanting to kill me would be him trying to help me in a violent way. I felt frightened at the very beginning but then I thought "I've been crying for help on social network and in person, but they won't listen, I finally found someone who does, and they will regret no being the ones who did".

 

[CatabolicSeed]

I've also fantasized about this. It'd be great to be able to die without my loved ones having to feel guilty that I killed myself. To have a specific other party to blame.

 

[Endeavour]

I've also fantasized about this. It'd be great to be able to die without my loved ones having to feel guilty that I killed myself. To have a specific other party to blame.

Name, address, number. I'll be round later, after I've visited BorderlineGirl.

 

[magick'sgone]

I have a strong feeling that torture may not be a great trip and is probably to be avoided. I definitely relate to you on the murder fantasy, though. Ideally it would be a bullet in the head when i'm least expecting it. Being cut and bludgeoned aren't things I enjoy, speaking from past experience. Dunno about being stabbed but I imagine it's pretty shit. Top choice would be a death that made me look like a really decent person. That way my family's pride might lessen their pain a little. Ideal situation would be something like being on a plane that gets hijacked by "bad guys" (no particular race or religion implied) and they are like "If one person steps forward right now and volunteers to die we will spare the lives of all the other passengers on board!". Then I casually stand up and walk to the front without saying a word. Hopefully they just shoot me in the old noodle rather than slowly hack my head off with a rusty bowsaw. Anyway, that would be a fucking dream.

 

[RedRumThisLoser]

Sometimes I fantasize about killing people in self defense.

 

[Toptock]

"I've been crying for help on social network and in person, but they won't listen, I finally found someone who does, and they will regret no being the ones who did".

I felt this, but also I think maybe there's an aspect of it that taps into the death drive that's inherently in humanity. It's the force that makes us want to jump off a ledge when staring down a canyon.

I think maybe, at least for me, it's a small feeling of success. Like, the responsibility to die no longer lies with me, but instead someone who genuinely and truly wants it for me, and is willing to "hold my hand" through the process. I get that it could be a violent, horrible process, but it'd end. I don't want torture, which sucks because that's probably what'll happen. But if they'd just end it, that'd be awesome.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I feel like this sometimes. I used to think it'd be easy to go down to the crappy part of town and talking some shit to the scum bags down there.

 

[Breakout92]

I went out in January to meet someone in real life who i had known online for a few years. He always joked he was a serial killer and i told him good, I'll be your next victim. But he was lying

 

[Symbiote]

I hope to be someone's new freezer buddy one day.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Good for him.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I went out in January to meet someone in real life who i had known online for a few years. He always joked he was a serial killer and i told him good, I'll be your next victim. But he was lying

It was probably for the best

 

[Breakout92]

It was probably for the best

I know it was, he was very obviously never serious about that. And i had a nice time with him anyway.
but it would've been nice to have it all over with.

 

[Makko]

If I could kill people without legal repercussions, I would.

 

[lofticries]

I used to fantasize about someone shooting me in the head all through out highschool. Even at my graduation I kept hoping someone would gun me down. One time I fantasized about a tiger coming into my classroom and mauling me to death (although it might have been out of pure boredom as well). I don't like myself now but the amount of hate I had for myself in high school was even worse.

I feel guilty about the gun fantasies considering the US deals with a lot of shootings. Yesterday's tragedy is honestly one in many.

 

[Lmd]

A few years ago i met a guy. We connected and one day the subject of suicide came up. He told me that he wanted to kill someone to know what it feels and considering my life didn't matter to me well ... he was basically planned various ways to kill me for some time. I didn't take it serious and we didn't talk aabout it again. Although I didn't take it seriously, I had a bit of hope that I was going to die and feeling the danger made me feel strangely good.

Time passed, we kept in touch and the opportunity to meet in person came up(at this moment I had already forgotten everything and for me he was just a friend). We spent a good time together and in the afternoon we went to a park. Then suddenly he pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING. I don't know if it was because I didn't expect it or what but I didn't feel in danger or anything to be worried about so we stood there for a while looking at each other. He put the gun away and the only thing he said was "this hasn't turned out as expected" (he later told me the gun wasn't charged and he just wanted to see my reaction)

I didn't process anything that happened until I returned to my house and the truth is that I felt a little disappointed. Right now I understand what happened and how dangerous it was. I don't talk with him anymore and I know he is recovered for that "edgy side" so I don't worry about him and I'm glad that he is happy now. Also I don't want to be killed by anyone and I hope I can end my life by myself.