I have an actual good psychologist and I still don’t feel any less suicidal

[depthss]

I've seen a bunch of different psychologists since I was 9, I've hated all of them and never found they helped, except for the current one I have now. I actually do really like him, and I have been making slight improvements to my life. But, I've also still been doing myself a lot of major disservices, and I'm still just as suicidal.

It really just makes me think there's nothing that can be done. I've always felt I was just meant to kill myself, I don't even feel alive anyways. I do actually try to do what he says and follow his advice. In fact, he tells me all the time that I'm one of the only clients he has that actually does the therapy homework.

But even when there are improvements, it doesn't make me any happier. I want to CTB just as much. The only way that I could ever possibly regret CTB even a bit would pertain to him. I don't think going to those sessions could stop me even a bit, but I just feel the slightest bit bad about it now. Maybe kinda awkward in a way?

 

[hopelesswanderer]

I've seen a bunch of different psychologists since I was 9, I've hated all of them and never found they helped, except for the current one I have now. I actually do really like him, and I have been making slight improvements to my life. But, I've also still been doing myself a lot of major disservices, and I'm still just as suicidal.

It really just makes me think there's nothing that can be done. I've always felt I was just meant to kill myself, I don't even feel alive anyways. I do actually try to do what he says and follow his advice. In fact, he tells me all the time that I'm one of the only clients he has that actually does the therapy homework.

But even when there are improvements, it doesn't make me any happier. I want to CTB just as much. The only way that I could ever possibly regret CTB even a bit would pertain to him. I don't think going to those sessions could stop me even a bit, but I just feel the slightest bit bad about it now. Maybe kinda awkward in a way?

You're not alone and I'm sorry you're feeling this way! I have a psychiatrist and a therapist I truly like and have listened to their advice thru the years but here I am still. It feels defeating like I was running from the inevitable.

 

[_Gollum_]

When suicide is rational, there's nothing the best psychologist can do.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I always say that no therapist can argue me out of my nihilism. It's just impossible.