I have 3 days left

[sapphoslastpoem]

I'm terrified.

I don't want to be here anymore, there is no hope for my future, there never was but I'm scared. I'm scared of hurting the family and few friends I have left, I'm scared of traumatizing and leaving my boyfriend completely shattered and heartbroken but everyone else is counting on me to die, they all want it, once they see that I'm gone they're all going to celebrate.

I'm terrified of how it's going to feel, I wasn't able to get the anti emetic (Meto) or the beta blocker that I wanted to make it all easier, in time. I hate vomiting, I hate feeling like my body is losing control but I have to do this somehow, they're all waiting for it.

I wish someone could be there to hold me while I do it, to prevent me from being a coward or letting my SI take over. Please someone, tell me there's an answer. I just want to end the pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable wanting to be free from all suffering. Living really can be so painful and I'm sorry that you have to deal with all these fears. I wish you peace.

 

[farakini]

I completely understand how you feel. I wish for you peace and relief from your pain. I do hope you'll be happy on the other side. Take care.

 

[theboy]

your words pour out suffering
I hope you feel better. You can hug an object that makes you feel good like a stuffed animal.

 

[spectraltease]

As the day approaches, you always get scared, that's normal. You have this Adrenalin in you and this fear. You have to keep your head up and decide for yourself whether this is the right decision, if you want to die it is your decision and your freedom is your right. We all have to go at some point, our methods are a heaven on the contrary of old and weak to die in the hospital so the death will be not that bad yk.When you die, you will feel free for the first time. You came alone and now you have to go alone, that's a thing with yourself.
Sometimes when I think about the ppl i will left behind im scared then too, yk? But its a natrual feeling and I know i deserve this. My family don't even deserve my mercy with them.
I wish you much freedom.
Make the right decision for yourself.

 

[Obliviate]

I think it's gonna be like pulling a bandaid off almost. It just comes down to doing it, which is terrifying but in the end it's the results you want