Venting I hate when I miss my meds

[Ivernia]

I take antidepressants. Venlafaxine, to be specific. I hate when I forget to take them. Like 3 days ago I didn't take them at all, and then yesterday I forgot to take them until half 11 at night. I'm supposed to take them in the morning. When I'm off them for that long, the next day even if I take them I feel anxious as hell, depressed as hell, suicidal, really bored but I have to keep myself doing something or else I'll be left alone with those thoughts. The last part is how it usually is regardless, but it's amplified by a lot (actually the other ones too). I hate it. It's just a reminder of how I used to be without them, and it felt like torture.
I hate how dependent I am on them too. I hate them, I'm trying to get off them to switch, but they're tapering so slowly. They made me gain weight, probably not the only reason but for reference in total I gained 15kg in a year. Threw me into problems with EDs and made me more dysphoric. Now getting off them I get even more brain fog than I had before, and it's impacted my performance in school. I'm disappointed in myself and I feel useless.
I feel so shitty today. I hate feeling depressed like this.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

Ventaflaxine is horrible to withdraw from. Even upping the dosage is horrid. The side effect of possible ctb ideation is absolutely not to be joked with, and from what i've read from others it's very common with this particular anti depressant. It's good that you aren't getting off it cold turkey though, I did, big mistake at the time. I'll might be ruff but you'll get there.
Do you know which medication you will be switching too?

 

[Ivernia]

Ventaflaxine is horrible to withdraw from. Even upping the dosage is horrid. The side effect of possible ctb ideation is absolutely not to be joked with, and from what i've read from others it's very common with this particular anti depressant. It's good that you aren't getting off it cold turkey though, I did, big mistake at the time. I'll might be ruff but you'll get there.
Do you know which medication you will be switching too?

I started at 225mg, have gradually gotten down to 37½mg. They want me to stop completely from that but that's the hardest step- my dad wants to try break up the pills and like half the dosage so I don't have to go off it all at once, since there's no pill smaller than that, at least here. Also, yeah I think I'll switch to fluoxetine. The side effects I can deal with better.

Even upping the dosage is horrid.

I think I found that part fine actually.
I hope you're doing better now also