Venting I hate this life, my family, and this world.

[I am ___________]

[Day1 of my road to ctb]:

Life is not worth a damn thing. Through out all of my life I have been dealt a bad hand, I work hard and try to stay positive but life takes a shit all over me each and every fucking day. I have had depression since I was 6. When I was 6 I had my first attempt, I tried running into the front of a moving bus. The driver had to slam the brakes really hard and my parents were really upset with me. I wished back then that my attempt had been successful, I would have saved a lot of time and suffering in the long run. I'm 20 now at my breaking point again, all in all it's been 4 attempts up to this point and non were successful. I hope to research more effective methods on this site, and then once I have done enough research I will finally be rid of this fucking good for nothing, painful, and depressing life/existence. I have always hated this world, and myself... my father often told me I was a hateful and spiteful person. I hate this world, my family, and everything in this world with my entire being. I can't wait to disappear into nothingness. I cannot imagine another year of this, truly this will be the year I will finally have peace. People that don't understand depression, and then claim "It's gets better you just have to wait", are nothing but hypocrites spouting nonsense. I can tell you from my perspective and many others it does not get better, it gets worse. Life is not a gift, it is a burden and a sexually transmitted disease. I am glad I will never have kids as I would not want to bring any type of life into this world. I am at the end of my ropes, at the line between sanity and insanity. There is nothing in this world worth living for, everything is a pointless illusion to pass the time until you naturally die. So why is it in society's point of view that suicide is wrong? The truly selfish are the ones who expect someone to continue to live 70+ fucking years slaving in a cubicle and procreating to keep this stupid machine running. I see no future with me in it, and I am very glad. What about you?

 

[Dead_Inside]

I think for many people life is a gift .... just not for me- and probably not for anyone on this forum. Life isn't fair. That's probably the hardest thing to hear and to really absorb.
To be a conscious being who is unwanted and unloved..... it's torture. To see so many others get love and understand and a chance at life in all its grandeur.... and here all of us sit.
I have to kill myself to get what...? A hope for peace?
That's all I get in this life. A painful end to a hard existence and a bunch of people who try to forget I existed because I am ruining their time here.....
So yeah- it must be a great gift if you get it done right- because the majority of people can't tolerate or understand suicide. Maybe in another life I can understand what that is like.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

I would argue that this "life is a gift" platitude would have more validity if we had a right to die. But we don't even have that so yes life is an imposition.

 

[I am ___________]

I think for many people life is a gift .... just not for me- and probably not for anyone on this forum. Life isn't fair. That's probably the hardest thing to hear and to really absorb.
To be a conscious being who is unwanted and unloved..... it's torture. To see so many others get love and understand and a chance at life in all its grandeur.... and here all of us sit.
I have to kill myself to get what...? A hope for peace?
That's all I get in this life. A painful end to a hard existence and a bunch of people who try to forget I existed because I am ruining their time here.....
So yeah- it must be a great gift if you get it done right- because the majority of people can't tolerate or understand suicide. Maybe in another life I can understand what that is like.

To see that so many people are suffering, trying to reach out but being given a big F u in the face by society, and by the so called people that love you and care for you is a twisted joke. Life is indeed unfair, and it is unjust. I'm glad that there are others out there that get where I'm coming from. I'm not a very social person, in fact I am socially awkward and introvert. People like to pick on me for no reason, including family, for me I'm just everyone's punching bag. I'm just tired of it.....

 

[borntodie777]

I never asked for life and it has been a miserable experience so far. I don't remember anything before I was four years old but what little memories I do have of my childhood, it is mostly just lonely and full of abuse. Teenage and young adulthood are miserable as well. Can't think of a time in the last 12 years when I was actually happy or genuinely felt like I was awesome and going somewhere in life.

I can't blame my parents enough for my failures, especially my father.. may he rot in hell for eternity for ruining my life. I was stupid to actually listen and respect these people. They aren't worthy of anything

 

[wanttodie]

No a complete fucking burden, can I get a refund?

 

[Xaphous]

'Life is a sexually transmitted disease.' That's a great way to put it. I know I will never procreate into this hell-hole and at least be sparing some soul(s) the misery.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

To see that so many people are suffering, trying to reach out but being given a big F u in the face by society, and by the so called people that love you and care for you is a twisted joke. Life is indeed unfair, and it is unjust. I'm glad that there are others out there that get where I'm coming from. I'm not a very social person, in fact I am socially awkward and introvert. People like to pick on me for no reason, including family, for me I'm just everyone's punching bag. I'm just tired of it.....

Nicely said. I'm done with being everyone's punching bag too. Game Over.