Venting I hate this body. It’s like a prison

[SoCloseSoFar]

Whoever the fuck decided humans needed this body that requires maintenance every day that also breaks down just enough to leave you feeling shitty but not enough to kill you is a fucking dick. This isn't even to mention the abject horror of gender dysphoria, that alone is it's own horror movie, I'm just saying that the pure vanilla human body experience is genuinely awful.

I got nic sick for the first time last night because I smoked a cigarette in the morning before eating anything, my bad, I know, but I just wanted to enjoy the tranquil and peaceful atmosphere while smoking. Sue me. Guess that means I deserved to be puking and dry heaving all day afterwards. The punishment just doesn't feel like it fits the crime. I hate feeling the passage of time through my constantly aging body. I hate that we have expiration dates and the things I wanna do in life get harder and harder the closer to that date I get.

Fuck everything. FUCK. EVERYTHING.

 

[Corovaner]

As a chronicaly ill person I fully understand you. You feel awful, sick, tired, while others living their normal life.

 

[Macedonian1987]

As a person who suffers from chronic pain i can say that the human body which my soul currently resides in, feels like a cage. I can't wait for the day when I break free from this cage.

 

[endboss]

My body is a torture chamber.

 

[iwanttodie019]

The body is filled with pain receptors.

 

[Macedonian1987]

The body is filled with pain receptors.

There are far too many of them. I wish life wasn't so painful and sad.

 

[dearn]

I feel you. Being in war with my own body too. Take care

 

[Macedonian1987]

I feel you. Being in war with my own body too. Take care

I absolutely hate this situation from the bottom of my soul - I want to go out and take a walk, the weather is perfect, but because of my rotten joints each step I take is pain
If I stay at home, my depression is going to get worse and if I get out my legs will hurt.

 

[SoCloseSoFar]

I absolutely hate this situation from the bottom of my soul - I want to go out and take a walk, the weather is perfect, but because of my rotten joints each step I take is pain
If I stay at home, my depression is going to get worse and if I get out my legs will hurt.

Have you potentially considered medication? If you go to the hospital, maybe they can treat you! Of course, it's more than understandable if you can't for any number of reasons

 

[Macedonian1987]

Have you potentially considered medication? If you go to the hospital, maybe they can treat you! Of course, it's more than understandable if you can't for any number of reasons

I take NSAIDs but I use them only when i need to as they are bad for the digestive organs and opioids are very hard to get (via prescription) in my pisspoor country. They only give opioids to cancer patients.

 

[dearn]

I take NSAIDs but I use them only when i need to as they are bad for the digestive organs and opioids are very hard to get (via prescription) in my pisspoor country. They only give opioids to cancer patients.

I am sorry. You don't have any other option such as doing small walk or having a wheel chair if it's too painful ?

 

[Macedonian1987]

I am sorry. You don't have any other option such as doing small walk or having a wheel chair if it's too painful ?

Small short walks is all what I have left, and sitting on park benches like some old man. I miss the days when my legs didn't hurt and hiking. I used to be an avid hiker up until 2010-11.

 

[Raindancer]

Just another spoonie in which can relate. The times I feel somewhat functional decrease where there is almost no breaks to regroup. At the moment I am in complete agreement Fuck everything.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I have to say that as a Gnostic, I genuinely believe that our world and everything in it was designed by an evil demiurge. There is no hope to be found here and the human body is just a prison cell for our consciousness. That's all it is and all it has ever been, except in cases where it has turned into a torture chamber. Then it's even worse.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

For me it's my brain that is the torture chamber. The chronic mental pain is unbearable. Oddly at 57 years old I have no physical pain in my body. I don't say that to brag as I would rather have physical pain any day than the hellish brain pain I suffer from. My BF is older than me and he is in chronic pain every day, he moans and groans with many basic movements. But he is still happy and enjoys life while I am mostly bedridden in a dark room and want to die.

 

[iwanttodie019]

For me it's my brain that is the torture chamber. The chronic mental pain is unbearable. Oddly at 57 years old I have no physical pain in my body. I don't say that to brag as I would rather have physical pain any day than the hellish brain pain I suffer from. My BF is older than me and he is in chronic pain every day, he moans and groans with many basic movements. But he is still happy and enjoys life while I am mostly bedridden in a dark room and want to die.

What is the reason for the mental pain if you do not mind me asking?