Venting I HATE THE HOLIDAYS

[Kennish]

Kennish - I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. When I told my "friends" that I was suicidal, they stopped calling, talking, seeing - everything - it was almost as if I had the bubonic plague. Actually, I might have been treated nicer. lol My son is an asshole. I raised him on my own (his father is also an asshole). He found this girl, married her (she doesn't like me) and then told me to get the fuck out of his house about 6 or 7 years ago. They had a baby - so I'm a grandma, but not really (unforgivable). I live less than a mile from where he lives. Life is just too hard, too many tears, too much pain. I am here for you too. It helps me to help others (even if I'm not really helping). It takes my mind off my issues. Be kind to yourself, don't be so hard on yourself.

Life is just hard. It's nothing but suffering. I don't get it. I never will. I've tried my whole life to understand it, but I can't.

Some people are just not meant to be in this life. I am one of them.

I am 36 year old. I live with my aunt 50 km from where I lived before. 50 km from my daughter. I have no job, I have no hobbies, I have OCD, depression, low income, and I generally just hate being in my body and clothes. I hate everything I wear. I can't breathe properly.

I hate my genes. I hate the fact I fucked up in life. I should have stayed a drug addict and killed myself that way. Instead I'm now clean from everything almost 1 1/2 year. But my life have not gotten any fucking better.

Just worse. I think it's too late. I hate every second, every hour, every day. I am ashamed of myself. And the life I have. I'm ashamed about being here. I feel like it never was meant for me to be born. Really. I hate it. And I envy people that have a life and enjoy it.

I'm just rambling now. That's why I like this site. We can talk to eachother about almost everything. In real life if you mention mental problems and suicidal thoughts people vanish. Poof. And they're gone.

Kennish - I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. When I told my "friends" that I was suicidal, they stopped calling, talking, seeing - everything - it was almost as if I had the bubonic plague. Actually, I might have been treated nicer.

Actually I feel like the plague lol.

Edit; typical me. Saying I'm here to listen and then continue just talking about my own shitty life. Sorry about that.