I hate the chronic illness and disability community

[TheDog_]

I have made this post many times. I just hate it. I can't fit in. My attitude makes me unwanted. I'm not allowed to be sad about my illnesses on these spaces. I'm so tired of all the empty platitudes sending the suicide hotline or telling me to get a therapist. Why is it so hard to allow people to feel this way? Why am I required to be grateful or look at the bright side? Why can't I hate it? Because it makes me sour? I didn't ask for this. I want to be free. I want to say no more. I just hate these spaces. If you're not a happy cripple then you're not a wanted cripple

 

[MidnightDream]

BIG AGREEEEE

I can't fucking stand all the toxic positivity that's forced in such spaces. Also, the perceived element of competition - everyone seems to want to one up everyone else, whilst also spouting the same bs mantras about how one thing is not worse than another

 

[shinohara]

partially why I don't bother with support groups. You don't follow the hidden dogma of "positivity" and you're the toxic one apparently

 

[randal_bond]

I have made this post many times. I just hate it. I can't fit in. My attitude makes me unwanted. I'm not allowed to be sad about my illnesses on these spaces. I'm so tired of all the empty platitudes sending the suicide hotline or telling me to get a therapist. Why is it so hard to allow people to feel this way? Why am I required to be grateful or look at the bright side? Why can't I hate it? Because it makes me sour? I didn't ask for this. I want to be free. I want to say no more. I just hate these spaces. If you're not a happy cripple then you're not a wanted cripple

Hugs, OP, doesn't sound like a good fit for you.
Would be nice to have a thread for physical disabilities people on here. It will be easier for us to relate to each other. Wherever I go through SaSu, it's almost always mental illness, and it's harder to relate to something I haven't experienced.
I believe we're a slightly different crowd, who are not suicidal as a symptom of our illness but as a consequence of a hopeless situation we're in. We may not even be actively suicidal, just hopeless and knowing exactly what the future holds for us. Also, the medium age will be higher. Maybe, I'll start such thread one day. Too ill right now.

 

[Glandular]

Why is it so hard to allow people to feel this way? Why am I required to be grateful or look at the bright side? Why can't I hate it? Because it makes me sour? I didn't ask for this. I want to be free. I want to say no more. I just hate these spaces. If you're not a happy cripple then you're not a wanted cripple

I agree completely. I once searched for support groups for my physical illness and I was horrified. These people suffer immensely (I'm in an early stage, they already have much bigger problems) but for some reason they describe it as being "chronically happy". I just can't wrap my mind around that. No, my illness is not part of my personality. No, there is absolutely nothing positive about it. No, it will not change me for the better or some other bullshit. Being miserable and in pain every fucking day sucks. Plain and simple. The sheer hopelessness of my situation gets me the most - I know that it will only get worse, never better. So why should I even "fight" (I hate that word in that context)? I just want this pain, this disease to be over and apparently the only cure for it is my own death.
I only found people who share the same view here on this platform. And I am grateful for that since I'd probably would have started to believe that toxic positivety

I believe it's a slightly different crowd, who are not suicidal as a symptom of our illness but as a consequence of a hopeless situation we're in. We may not even be actively suicidal, just hopeless and knowing exactly what the future holds for us.

That is very true. I think people like us are closer to a "rational suicide". We consider our options - are the good things in our lives still better than all the pain and misery or not. Timing is my final problem. I still want to live and experience good things but I wish to be long gone before my condition gets unbearable.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

Hugs, OP, doesn't sound like a good fit for you.
Would be nice to have a thread for physical disabilities people on here. It will be easier for us to relate to each other. Wherever I go through SaSu, it's almost always mental illness, and it's harder to relate to something I haven't experienced.
I believe we're a slightly different crowd, who are not suicidal as a symptom of our illness but as a consequence of a hopeless situation we're in. We may not even be actively suicidal, just hopeless and knowing exactly what the future holds for us. Also, the medium age will be higher. Maybe, I'll start such thread one day. Too ill right now.

I found these:

Chronic Illnesses and Physical Diseases Megathread

I have encountered multiple members here who, like myself, have chronic conditions and illnesses. I have met members here with a variety of physical diseases (chronic, terminal or otherwise). I thought it would be useful to have a specific thread for that and a space where people can talk about...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Terminal Illnesses Megathread

This is a Megathread where members who are suffering with a terminal illness can post their experiences, vent, connect with others in a similar situation and give/receive support. You can post as often or as infrequently as you like. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[R_N]

When I was on surviving antidepressants forum and trying to get off meds, I was annoyed how some people acted like everyone can recover eventually.

At one point I couldn't even post without my posts being approved by mods just because I was venting once and I went a bit hard lol.

Some mods there also think they are always right and know everything. Reminded me of psychiatrists ironically.

Humans are very flawed and their "best intentions" don't really translate well when their egos are huge.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find toxic positivity to be very insensitive, it just causes more harm, I cannot stand the people who insist that other people must continue suffering simply because they want to. No matter what those people say suicide is always a valid option, it disgusts me how many people refuse to accept that not everyone worships meaningless, undesirable and unnecessary suffering, I understand why you'd hate people like that.

 

[wendy5c]

I agree, people with physical and mental disabilities should be allowed to vent about their struggles. It's like ignoring how ADHD can cause executive functioning problems. Or how bipolar disorder leads to extreme mood swings that requires medication. And there's BPD which creates fear of abandonment and unstable relationships.

 

[randal_bond]

I find toxic positivity to be very insensitive, it just causes more harm, I cannot stand the people who insist that other people must continue suffering simply because they want to. No matter what those people say suicide is always a valid option, it disgusts me how many people refuse to accept that not everyone worships meaningless, undesirable and unnecessary suffering, I understand why you'd hate people like that.

For the same reason I dislike religions. CTB is supposed to be a capital sin, and you're shamed if you even consider it. We're people who have nowhere to go, except this forum. I'm glad that it exists. I was a member of it on Reddit, and when they banned it, I simply searched the same name online. )))

I agree, people with physical and mental disabilities should be allowed to vent about their struggles. It's like ignoring how ADHD can cause executive functioning problems. Or how bipolar disorder leads to extreme mood swings that requires medication.

Hi, Wendy. If you're indeed from China, have they re-started industrial production of Nembutal ? Or is your COVID situation still too bad for it? Just thought I would ask, in case you know something.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

When I was on surviving antidepressants forum and trying to get off meds, I was annoyed how some people acted like everyone can recover eventually.

At one point I couldn't even post without my posts being approved by mods just because I was venting once and I went a bit hard lol.

Some mods there also think they are always right and know everything. Reminded me of psychiatrists ironically.

Humans are very flawed and their "best intentions" don't really translate well when their egos are huge.

OH MY GOD, I can't believe I found someone else who has gone through that or has felt the same way.

In my case I've been off meds for more than 3 years now, got severe cognitive issues, DPDR, emotional blunting and so on from the first few pills and the thing is that nothing changed even after stopping, I never went through any withdrawal either and I just kept declining and declining both during me taking psych drugs and after I stopped them. I don't think words would be enough to describe how much worse I've gotten in these 3 years.

But anyway, that was just for some context. I never ended up making a thread there (mainly because of my issues and it's overwhelming to try and structure all the info and express myself coherently etc ) but I've read through pretty much every post. I've found so many people who either get stuck with the damage with no change or they keep worsening even if they stay away from any substances and supplements, sleep and eat well, reduce stress and everything else you could think of. And this can last for years or decades.

Hell, a lot of people don't even go through withdrawal (just like me) and it's obvious that something else's going on with us but they just keep telling us that it's protracted withdrawal, that everyone has to experience the windows, waves and patterns and whatnot and that everyone's brain will eventually revert back. Jeez, I wish that was the case but it obviously isn't and like, I get that they're all just volunteers and obviously can't tell you "take this to fix it" but very often they refuse to accept the possibility of this happening, of it being permanent, of simply waiting not working. In the end they tell you "well, we can't help, go somewhere else" and they can't even accept why someone would be suicidal in that situation.

And just like you, they remind me of psychiatrists when they do that as well which makes me feel even more isolated and unheard.

I went on a bit of a rant which I apologize for but it's just so validating to find someone who's felt the same way as you.

 

[wendy5c]

For the same reason I dislike religions. CTB is supposed to be a capital sin, and you're shamed if you even consider it. We're people who have nowhere to go, except this forum. I'm glad that it exists. I was a member of it on Reddit, and when they banned it, I simply searched the same name online. )))

Hi, Wendy. If you're indeed from China, have they re-started industrial production of Nembutal ? Or is your COVID situation still too bad for it? Just thought I would ask, in case you know something.

Hmm…I'm not sure about phenobarbital exports from China in recent years though I did find an article from 2016 on a rise in dangerous drugs distributed by Chinese vendors. I know COVID restrictions have finally let up so it should be possible to source Nembutal.

 

[TheDog_]

I agree completely. I once searched for support groups for my physical illness and I was horrified. These people suffer immensely (I'm in an early stage, they already have much bigger problems) but for some reason they describe it as being "chronically happy". I just can't wrap my mind around that. No, my illness is not part of my personality. No, there is absolutely nothing positive about it. No, it will not change me for the better or some other bullshit. Being miserable and in pain every fucking day sucks. Plain and simple. The sheer hopelessness of my situation gets me the most - I know that it will only get worse, never better. So why should I even "fight" (I hate that word in that context)? I just want this pain, this disease to be over and apparently the only cure for it is my own death.
I only found people who share the same view here on this platform. And I am grateful for that since I'd probably would have started to believe that toxic positivety

That is very true. I think people like us are closer to a "rational suicide". We consider our options - are the good things in our lives still better than all the pain and misery or not. Timing is my final problem. I still want to live and experience good things but I wish to be long gone before my condition gets unbearable.

I would really hate that. People glorify suffering, like it's supposed to be a good thing. I especially hate it when they belittle people who can't cope. I see "normies wouldn't be able to handle our problems" a lot in those groups, but what about those who are not "normies" who are struggling to cope? All it does is belittle people. I hate the expectation that we're supposed to be happy. I think these people would enjoy any pain as long as it makes them stand out.

 

[Meditation guide]

I can relate to this so much. The few times I've tried to get any type of help it seems if I mention being discouraged in the past about getting help the big red flags go up and I'm shunned. I have to really watch what I say and fake it like I expect everything to be great but my experiences with trying to get help have all made things a thousand times worse. I can't take that big positive attitude requirement.

 

[BlazingBob]

Get therapy. There's always hope. Help is available! Every problem has a solution. Call 800 273-talk. Permanent solution temporary problem. Fuck you and your platitudes. What these dipshit do gooders don't realize is that some of us have incurable progressive diseases that make life completely not worth living. Some of us don't have a future no matter how much therapy we get or how many types of happy pills we try. I want to ctb because my body is torturing me and it's getting worse. There's nothing noble about endless suffering and misery brought about by a failing body.

 

[Meditation guide]

Get therapy. There's always hope. Help is available! Every problem has a solution. Call 800 273-talk. Permanent solution temporary problem. Fuck you and your platitudes. What these dipshit do gooders don't realize is that some of us have incurable progressive diseases that make life completely not worth living. Some of us don't have a future no matter how much therapy we get or how many types of happy pills we try. I want to ctb because my body is torturing me and it's getting worse. There's nothing noble about endless suffering and misery brought about by a failing body.

Exactly, there needs to be a way out. I hate people that don't see that. Go into any nursing home and you will see lots of people who would definitely prefer to be dead, if only they had a way.

 

[randal_bond]

Those of you from the UK, you may remember a British boxer Ricky Hatton. He now is plasted close-up on big suicide prevention posters, saying: "I wanted to die. I stayed. There is always a reason to stay." The guy retired from his career as a boxer, and found his life empty. Just compare it to our situation. And now they use people like this to tell others what is the right choice. When I lost my job due to disability, I didn't think of ending it all. I was spending all my savings on different doctors for years till I ran out of money and choices.
These guys really have no idea, do they?

 

[Meditation guide]

Each of us has an unbearable life, unbearable suffering and insolvable problems. And we struggle to figure out some way to simply die. No help, no solution, no therapy, no nothing but our own despair and struggling and hoping somehow, some way, we can manage to end it all. Life is torture day by day and minute by minute. People who think we should be forced to stay alive against our wills are motherfucking asses.

 

[randal_bond]

Each of us has an unbearable life, unbearable suffering and insolvable problems. And we struggle to figure out some way to simply die. No help, no solution, no therapy, no nothing but our own despair and struggling and hoping somehow, some way, we can manage to end it all. Life is torture day by day and minute by minute. People who think we should be forced to stay alive against our wills are motherfucking asses.

Not necessarily asses. There're so many educated intelligent people who don't like me and reject me because I'm autistic and expect me "to be normal". One can clearly see that when one lacks basic understanding, they can't relate and only go by socially acceptable norms. Basically, we all judge based our belief system, and once in place, it's hard to impossible to change. I wouldn't judge people for thinking a certain way about people like us because it'll be doing the same that they're doing to us. I'd rather put a blame on the government that brainwashes people so successfully.

Very few are trully independant thinkers. Majority of us (yes, people on here, too) are told what to think and believe and accept it because it's widely accepted in the society and we don't have any experience to prove otherwise. It takes some dramtic/painful event in our life to slowly change what we believe. That's how brainwashing works. It's not only in religious sects or terrorist groups. It's how society is built. I remember myself thinking very different about suicide. I wouldn't understand people on this forum. I also remember myself being a very sincere Christian believer. It took years and going through great trials to purge it all out and rebuild my belief system. Even after that I still wondered "what if" and was afraid of some sort of punishment for CTB-ing. Now it sounds ridiculous to me, but core beliefs are stronger than common sense. They're like programs that override it.

Hope it helps. But if you just wanted to vent, I'm sorry. Vent away. That's what this forum is for, among other things.)))

 

[Meditation guide]

Not necessarily asses. There're so many educated intelligent people who don't like me and reject me because I'm autistic and expect me "to be normal". One can clearly see that when one lacks basic understanding, they can't relate and only go by socially acceptable norms. Basically, we all judge based our belief system, and once in place, it's hard to impossible to change. I wouldn't judge people for thinking a certain way about people like us because it'll be doing the same that they're doing to us. I'd rather put a blame on the government that brainwashes people so successfully.

Very few are trully independant thinkers. Majority of us (yes, people on here, too) are told what to think and believe and accept it because it's widely accepted in the society and we don't have any experience to prove otherwise. It takes some dramtic/painful event in our life to slowly change what we believe. That's how brainwashing works. It's not only in religious sects or terrorist groups. It's how society is built. I remember myself thinking very different about suicide. I wouldn't understand people on this forum. I also remember myself being a very sincere Christian believer. It took years and going through great trials to purge it all out and rebuild my belief system. Even after that I still wondered "what if" and was afraid of some sort of punishment for CTB-ing. Now it sounds ridiculous to me, but core beliefs are stronger than common sense. They're like programs that override it.

Hope it helps. But if you just wanted to vent, I'm sorry. Vent away. That's what this forum is for, among other things.)))

Me calling people who force others to be alive against their will "motherfucking asses" was being polite. I have lots of other much worse things to call them and I am not going to make excuses for them. I get your point but I'm in a rage about them and this situation they all put us in. They are no better than people who stand by and advocate for people being endlessly tortured.

 

[R_N]

Me calling people who force others to be alive against their will "motherfucking asses" was being polite. I have lots of other much worse things to call them and I am not going to make excuses for them. I get your point but I'm in a rage about them and this situation they all put us in. They are no better than people who stand by and advocate for people being endlessly tortured.

I am all for civil interactions but I have to agree with this. No one should be forced to endure existence.

If you are forced to do things against your will it is anything goes.

 

[cosifantutti]

I have made this post many times. I just hate it. I can't fit in. My attitude makes me unwanted. I'm not allowed to be sad about my illnesses on these spaces. I'm so tired of all the empty platitudes sending the suicide hotline or telling me to get a therapist. Why is it so hard to allow people to feel this way? Why am I required to be grateful or look at the bright side? Why can't I hate it? Because it makes me sour? I didn't ask for this. I want to be free. I want to say no more. I just hate these spaces. If you're not a happy cripple then you're not a wanted cripple

It's only on this site that you're allowed to be negative.

There's a massive message in the world saying 'it'll get better '. 'You must fight it.' etc.

I can mention to my husband that one day I might ctb. He is really good and says that it's logical given my suffering.

Until recent months I tried to be stoical. I told myself that if I must suffer I would suffer well. I wanted to be brave in suffering. I wanted people to see me in a positive light. But if you're not putting a positive spin on things you're letting the side down.

I would love to be able to mention in conversation that one day I may need to go and it wouldn't be like a filthy secret I've shared.

Support groups aren't for those who are done fighting, and calling it a day is never recognised as a long thought out, logical decision.

It's as if when I'm unwell I lose my reason. I'm totally with it in my suicidal thoughts. I have spent endless hours considering it all. I would love it if suicide wasn't a dirty word.

 

[augustlnyc]

Each of us has an unbearable life, unbearable suffering and insolvable problems. And we struggle to figure out some way to simply die. No help, no solution, no therapy, no nothing but our own despair and struggling and hoping somehow, some way, we can manage to end it all. Life is torture day by day and minute by minute. People who think we should be forced to stay alive against our wills are motherfucking asses.

Agreed, I'm on palliative care now, but it's not making me "more Comfortable" it tortures our brians too, not jjust our bodiesl

 

[IWishToDie]

I have made this post many times. I just hate it. I can't fit in. My attitude makes me unwanted. I'm not allowed to be sad about my illnesses on these spaces. I'm so tired of all the empty platitudes sending the suicide hotline or telling me to get a therapist. Why is it so hard to allow people to feel this way? Why am I required to be grateful or look at the bright side? Why can't I hate it? Because it makes me sour? I didn't ask for this. I want to be free. I want to say no more. I just hate these spaces. If you're not a happy cripple then you're not a wanted cripple

It's kind of like laughter therapy for coming to terms with terminal cancer. Just give me the Nembutal and I'll have the last laugh myself.