Venting I hate that people love me

[FakeSmileGuy]

I want to end it all so bad, but I don't want to leave my family hurting. If I died, I don't know what would happen to my sister, she would be in so much pain. I don't know how the hell my family would cope. I want to leave but I don't want to hurt everyone that loves me. Anyone else ever feel like that? I just wish I wasn't loved so no one gets hurt when I leave.

 

[lljw234]

I want to end it all so bad, but I don't want to leave my family hurting. If I died, I don't know what would happen to my sister, she would be in so much pain. I don't know how the hell my family would cope. I want to leave but I don't want to hurt everyone that loves me. Anyone else ever feel like that? I just wish I wasn't loved so no one gets hurt when I leave.

i feel the same because in my family my cousin committed suicide :/

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Yes. I struggle with this every day. My dad took his life many years ago and I have been dealing with depression and ideation ever since. I want nothing more than to leave this cruel world and end my suffering, but i have so many people who love me and tell me often how much pain they would be in. WHY does their future expected pain dictate how I live life and prohibit me from any form or relief and grace.

 

[FakeSmileGuy]

That sucks, especially since you guys know the kind of pain doing that can cause for other people. I wish there was a way to leave without hurting anybody.

 

[chaoticdweeb]

I want to end it all so bad, but I don't want to leave my family hurting. If I died, I don't know what would happen to my sister, she would be in so much pain. I don't know how the hell my family would cope. I want to leave but I don't want to hurt everyone that loves me. Anyone else ever feel like that? I just wish I wasn't loved so no one gets hurt when I leave.

I understand. My mom has already lost 2 children and it seems unfair to both her and I. That I'll be her 3rd dead son. And that I have to feel guilty for making her grieve a child a 3rd time. I watched her grieve already and I don't want to put her through that. But I also know I can't go on living because my suffering will never end. Maybe I deserve to suffer another 40 to 60 years. But I'm not strong enough to will my way through that.