Venting i hate my fp and i wish she would die

[puppyboy]

i'm trying so hard to just. be cool with her. i used to love her so much but she makes me feel replaceable, unwanted, and disgusting. whenever i try to have an honest conversation with her about how she's making me feel, all she can say is "i don't really know what to say to that" and it just fucking enrages me. i'm tired of her acting like she didn't completely wreck my mental health by leading me on for months after our breakup JUST TO HOOK UP WITH ANOTHER PERSON. i had to delete everything i followed her on because she would just post about her bf constantly. but bc of my attachment to her im also terrified of her leaving me even if i've started ignoring/avoiding her on purpose. i hope her life goes to shit and her bf realizes that she's not worth loving and that he's wasting his fucking time. better yet i hope they both die actually. lmao.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

If i may ask. Why do ppl have a favorite person?

Is it even always a sexual relationship?
Just found out what fp stands for the other day

 

[puppyboy]

If i may ask. Why do ppl have a favorite person?

Is it even always a sexual relationship?
Just found out what fp stands for the other day

well for me, someone usually becomes my fp if they give me attention and i find them intriguing. and any romantic partner i have automatically ends up as my fp as well. it is not healthy at all but that person ends up becoming a source of comfort and validation for me, someone i can lean on whenever i'm unstable.

but no it's not always romantic or sexual, people with bpd can have friends that become their favorite person.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Sounds complicated af and a whole lot of pain

However much you need her is however much control she had over you so. Naturally





I feel like ppl who dont exhibit this more likely decentralizes their emotional needs both as a measure to not strain one person too much

And to not give any one person too much control

I experienced something similar in my relationships but its hard to say if its the same thing since i didnt talk to anyone at all except the girl

Cant call someone a favorite if there is no alternative

 

[The Disqualified]

If i may ask. Why do ppl have a favorite person?

Is it even always a sexual relationship?
Just found out what fp stands for the other day

I don't get it either. I had to google what it is.
I still don't understand it.
Is it a BPD thing?

i'm tired of her acting like she didn't completely wreck my mental health by leading me on for months after our breakup JUST TO HOOK UP WITH ANOTHER PERSON. i had to delete everything i followed her on because she would just post about her bf constantly. but bc of my attachment to her im also terrified of her leaving me even if i've started ignoring/avoiding her on purpose.

All of that seems very foreign to me, but I empathize with your pain.
How old are you?

I could not imagine clinging to someone so much to the point where my wellbeing depends solely on them. I have kind of gotten used to being alone in a way.

It seems she meant a lot to you. I guess you shouldn't emotionally depend on a single person too much, especially in circumstances like this where she apparently is with another guy already.
Do you have anyone else you could talk this stuff with? I think that would be a good thing.

 

[puppyboy]

I don't get it either. I had to google what it is.
I still don't understand it.
Is it a BPD thing?


All of that seems very foreign to me, but I empathize with your pain.
How old are you?

I could not imagine clinging to someone so much to the point where my wellbeing depends solely on them. I have kind of gotten used to being alone in a way.

It seems she meant a lot to you. I guess you shouldn't emotionally depend on a single person too much, especially in circumstances like this where she apparently is with another guy already.
Do you have anyone else you could talk this stuff with? I think that would be a good thing.

* yes, fp is a BPD exclusive term that describes the emotional attachment between someone suffering with the disorder and the person they cling to. it's involuntarily, and it's notoriously hard to break the attachment. i have only been able to make someone "stop" being my favorite person by deliberately starting arguments and straining the relationship, leading to them abandoning me

i'm 21 and was diagnosed with bpd when i was 18, but my symptoms were very prevalent before then. i cling to people like this because i was severely neglected in childhood, being told i was an awful child and i was never shown affection/attention by caregivers. ive also been groomed and sexually abused for pretty much my whole life so it's warped my perception of love. i know that logically i cannot depend on one person to provide me with everything - love, sex, constant attention, praise.. it's bound to end in destruction for both sides, but it's so hard.

i've talked to many of my friends about this, especially about her. they all tell me to leave her behind and i know i should but god letting her go feels like a death sentence to me

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

im curious

What happens if the fp is another person like yourself and youre both each others fp?

Would that work out?

 

[puppyboy]

im curious

What happens if the fp is another person like yourself and youre both each others fp?

Would that work out?

i kinda had a situation like that with a different ex, we became codependent on eachother and it turned toxic very fast. admittedly my symptoms were a bit more severe than hers but we would get into arguments over the smallest stuff, like not responding back for 2 hours. she'd get upset with me for not giving her updates throughout the day, same thing on my end. it was just a cycle of getting mad at eachother. mutual obsession sounds nice until it's not.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

i kinda had a situation like that with a different ex, we became codependent on eachother and it turned toxic very fast. admittedly my symptoms were a bit more severe than hers but we would get into arguments over the smallest stuff, like not responding back for 2 hours. she'd get upset with me for not giving her updates throughout the day, same thing on my end. it was just a cycle of getting mad at eachother. mutual obsession sounds nice until it's not.

No. It just sounds like you need to live in the same house and be handcuffed to each other 24 7.

Thatll fix it

 

[The Disqualified]

* yes, fp is a BPD exclusive term that describes the emotional attachment between someone suffering with the disorder and the person they cling to. it's involuntarily, and it's notoriously hard to break the attachment. i have only been able to make someone "stop" being my favorite person by deliberately starting arguments and straining the relationship, leading to them abandoning me

i'm 21 and was diagnosed with bpd when i was 18, but my symptoms were very prevalent before then. i cling to people like this because i was severely neglected in childhood, being told i was an awful child and i was never shown affection/attention by caregivers. ive also been groomed and sexually abused for pretty much my whole life so it's warped my perception of love. i know that logically i cannot depend on one person to provide me with everything - love, sex, constant attention, praise.. it's bound to end in destruction for both sides, but it's so hard.

i've talked to many of my friends about this, especially about her. they all tell me to leave her behind and i know i should but god letting her go feels like a death sentence to me

I see. Thanks for your response.
From what I understand about BPD, the emotions you feel can be very strong. Therapy aimed at BPD often focuses on controlling your behavior after these emotions.
I am curious if you tried therapy to help you and if your experience was positive or negative. Perhaps it can help you feel more in control of yourself and these situations

Edit:
Also, it seems you have gone through a lot in your childhood and growing up. I am sorry you've gone through all of that. Sending virtual hugs.