I hate my family

[yornis._pppp]

My family sucks. They are the cruelest people ever. Even though they give me food, show kindness, I will always resent.
In my country, parents are seen as gods. They are "always" right. And I hated that. And I hated the thought of starting a family myself. My biological father is a cruel alcoholic that beats his wife, and my mom is a depressive miserable woman that almost killed her son. As the oldest sibling, and daughter, I hated having almost no freedom, especially being a woman and a minority in my country.
Everyday, my life is so miserable with them. I constantly hear my mother comparing me to my sister, how I am much much better than her. Even though I want things to he equal, thats how cruel this reality is. I developed self harm and porn addiction, making relationships secretive, and I always have to go through everyday with a smile etched on my face, as if I dont have struggles.
I tried to treat myself. My mother takes me to the psychiatrist, but thats never enough. Its too late, and I dont even feel free with my psychiatrist.
I am an adult, and I have no privacy too. I dont know life skills, I can drive, but my mom checks my diaries, stalks my socials if she had the chance, and etc. Theres so much reasons why I want to kill myself and it outweights the reason I want to live.

 

[owo]

the only way is obtaining your own property (or maybe renting for first time)

 

[Nightingale93]

Yeah I know how you feel 100%.
You need be to given freedom, especially in your childhood years, teens and 20's to figure yourself out, develop social skills, life skills, etc.
When you're not, it just wreaks havoc on your life and you end up where we are, feeling left behind and missing out in life, compared to everyone around you.

I'm the process of joining the military myself, since it's the only way at this point where I can have my own life, make enough to survive and have my own place, etc.,
It's the only way I can break free from their overbearing, helicopter parenting, micromanaging, etc., and cut them out for good eventually.

I hope you find the same solace and independence one day, truly.

 

[yornis._pppp]

the only way is obtaining your own property (or maybe renting for first time)

Yeah I know how you feel 100%.
You need be to given freedom, especially in your childhood years, teens and 20's to figure yourself out, develop social skills, life skills, etc.
When you're not, it just wreaks havoc on your life and you end up where we are, feeling left behind and missing out in life, compared to everyone around you.

I'm the process of joining the military myself, since it's the only way at this point where I can have my own life, make enough to survive and have my own place, etc.,
It's the only way I can break free from their overbearing, helicopter parenting, micromanaging, etc., and cut them out for good eventually.

I hope you find the same solace and independence one day, truly.

Im happy I can find someone I can relate with, thanks for sharing your story. Good luck for the military