I hate my body so much

[AlePizarnik]

Female mid 30s here
I'm not extremely deformed nor do I have severe health issues, At least not for now. However, I am ugly enough to cringe when I look at myself in the mirror. My body has no femenine features at all. It looks strange.
But my face is the real mess. Every single feature of my face has something wrong with it. I'm extremely unattractive.
I've never had anyone love me. Even as a child my parents preferred my sisters because they were better looking.
Everyone either used me or was ashamed of me.
I never got to experience what it really is to be loved by someone, in any context at all: no family, no close friend and of course no romantic love.
I've had sex with a couple of people but they were usually rude or violent. Or they somehow believed they'd obtain monetary gain from dating me. When they realized that wouldn't be the case, they just bailed on me but not without making sure I was informed of how ugly I am.
Before and after the fact they would also act like they did me a favor.
I haven't had sex in like 5 years.
Honestly I don't know for sure if I care about it anymore.
I'm tired of struggling to be liked by people and never be enough. About a year ago I cut off from my life every single person from my past.
I only talk to work colleagues.
I live in a small town and kinda isolated geographically + I work many hours. It's impossible to have any "hobbies here", not enough cultural life (again small town). If there is anything it takes too long a drive and I also need to sleep and prepare for work...
I'm already exhausted just by going to work so forgive me if I'm not willing to commute an extra hour or more a day to go to a gym...
In any case is a gym even worth it....My hideous face cannot be hidden with exercise.
Whenever I do something "good" for this body I feel like a slave. This damn body has given me nothing but problems.
I want to get rid of it.
I cry myself awake and I cry myself asleep. I absolutely despise being trapped.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yup, I know what it is like. I'm happy to know that this thing will rot and I will be so rid. Good riddance.

 

[sleepless]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. If you are comparing yourself to the women in general these days, they are quite skilled in applying a lot of makeup to look good. I have seen my fair share of women with and without makeup, and I could hardly even recognize some of them without their makeup. And I am not exaggerating, it was night and day, chalk and cheese. I would not say they look bad, just how nature intended humans to look, and not the image society has imposed. Of course, things like social media has made this matter a lot worse, because everyone only shows their good side, and everyone else is made believe to others always have it better.

As for working out, you can always do so in your own home, and running around your neighborhood, gyms are absolutely not necessary to keep in shape. I also find diet itself plays a larger role than exercise in the general scheme of things.

 

[woxihuanni]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. If you are comparing yourself to the women in general these days, they are quite skilled in applying a lot of makeup to look good. I have seen my fair share of women with and without makeup, and I could hardly even recognize some of them without their makeup. And I am not exaggerating, it was night and day, chalk and cheese. I would not say they look bad, just how nature intended humans to look, and not the image society has imposed. Of course, things like social media has made this matter a lot worse, because everyone only shows their good side, and everyone else is made believe to others always have it better.

As for working out, you can always do so in your own home, and running around your neighborhood, gyms are absolutely not necessary to keep in shape. I also find diet itself plays a larger role than exercise in the general scheme of things.

I'm sorry but these things start from the cradle, before anybody has any chance to groom/exercise, anything. It is what it is. Why the fuck cannot we accept that so long as there is a notion of beauty, there is a notion of ugliness? Sometimes whatever anybody says, we are not to our own taste. Sometimes whoever finds us attractive, it is not the one we want. Sometimes a well-groomed, well-nourished and well-exercised ugliness is just that, still ugliness. Only a little sadder.

 

[AlePizarnik]

s

I'm sorry but these things start from the cradle, before anybody has any chance to groom/exercise, anything. It is what it is. Why the fuck cannot we accept that so long as there is a notion of beauty, there is a notion of ugliness? Sometimes whatever anybody says, we are not to our own taste. Sometimes whoever finds us attractive, it is not the one we want. Sometimes a well-groomed, well-nourished and well-exercised ugliness is just that, still ugliness. Only a little sadder.

exactly