Venting i hate her more every day that goes by

[scenecore fan]

since i was a kid i had to take care of her, i always had to be the emotionally available bc only her venting was the one that mattered, if i even dared to frown for a second i would get fucking scolded even if i was having one of the worst days of my life, but i still loved her, she was my mom and she was having a bad day or smth. how fucking foolish i was, she was always like this, a fucking selfish narcissistic piece of shit who shouldnt have had kids. SHE LOST 2 KIDS BEFORE ME AND I HAD TO BE THE ASSHOLE WHO ACTUALLY GOT TO BE BORN.

i hate her i fucking hate her so much, every single time she gets sad or angry i can't feel any sympathy for her, she'll be venting at me and ask if i still love her and shit NO YOU FUCKING DUMBASS I HATE YOU YOU MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL, i swear, every single time i have to pretend to console her i just remember every time she got mad at me for feeling those same feelings she's feelin atm, every time she digs her nails on her own skin or hits herself and i have to stop her i just think of every single time she literally made fun of me when i bashed my skull against the walls of our old house, how she will never stop me from cutting myself with my knives.

if i keep writing i'll just ramble and repeat myself over and over again.

 

[dhk96]

I'm sorry for the unrelated post. I just saw that you had a WataTabe pfp and wanted to say you have great taste.

 

[scenecore fan]

I'm sorry for the unrelated post. I just saw that you had a WataTabe pfp and wanted to say you have great taste.

i love this monster wants to eat me, i relate to hinako a lot, if only i actually had a lesbian gf and ppl who cared bout me i'd be her fr fr

 

[dhk96]

i love this monster wants to eat me, i relate to hinako a lot, if only i actually had a lesbian gf and ppl who cared bout me i'd be her fr fr

If only, right? Haha. This is a secret but I ship Hinako with Miko

Also, if you like yuri, I have some good news: the anime for KimiShinu (peak manga) is coming this July so that's something to look forward to!

 

[witchcraft]

I have been doom searching to find posts or threads about this sort of thing. The details of my situation are different but fundamentally I felt like I could relate to your experience and how you're feeling. Thank you for sharing, I feel less alone.

 

[countingclocks]

I have been doom searching to find posts or threads about this sort of thing. The details of my situation are different but fundamentally I felt like I could relate to your experience and how you're feeling. Thank you for sharing, I feel less alone.

Same here. I'm 22 and there's a chance I'll finally get away from her in a few years if I can land a solid job, but it's been this way nearly nonstop for my entire life. College was a brief respite, but now I have to find a new way to freedom, which will hopefully last longer.

 

[witchcraft]

Same here. I'm 22 and there's a chance I'll finally get away from her in a few years if I can land a solid job, but it's been this way nearly nonstop for my entire life. College was a brief respite, but now I have to find a new way to freedom, which will hopefully last longer.

I understand that. It was one of my favorite parts about going away to university, now that I think about it.

Without getting into details, my situation is admittedly not as bad (I don't think, anyway) compared to yours or OP.

But I did have a very neglectful and confusing childhood. I'm an only-child. Both of my parents are boomers. They don't understand how much the world has changed, the struggles that I face, dismiss the real concerns that I have. They are out of touch and couldn't validate an emotion if their life depended on it. Yet I am supposed to be their therapist and marriage counselor (they're divorced but maybe you know what I mean).

I wasn't allowed to be upset as a kid. They were, though. I'm still often made to feel guilty or like I'm a dumbass or something, and yet they wonder why I never share anything with them or occasionally "blow up."

 

[countingclocks]

@witchcraft (hope this works, haven't @-ed anyone on here before iirc)
It's hard to compare the intensity of people's situations, especially without meeting them or their family or somehow seeing what really happens behind closed doors. I'm always tempted to divulge the details of my situation, but over the years it's either just made people uncomfortable/pity me too much, or my mother finds out and gets more aggressive again lol. Either way, when I meet people with similar root issues with their mother (or other parents sometimes) there's always a sort of shared madness. It might be wrong, but I always get a little excited when I know someone else has beared this kind of stress and understands the strain it causes.
I'm also an only child with divorced parents, though stereotypically I don't really know my dad. Still, it seems like in these situations, with certain kinds of parents, they'll always find a way to justify positioning you between them.
I resonate with not being allowed to express feelings that are too difficult for them to deal with. My mother particularly will be very mad if I feel something she already has, or in her eyes, that she feels more strongly than me. It's made me really cagey about being anything but cheery or perfectly flat around people I don't know very well. I also get scared about getting close with people because something inside me urges me to be more honest and expressive, and I have very little practice balancing that sort of thing.
Sorry if I responded with a lot of things about myself I'm never totally sure if that's cathartic and relatable, or annoying and unhelpful. Either way, I hope you're in a place where your family isn't putting you in these situations as much. If not, I hope you find some comfort in being reminded that your ship sails among others

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

I feel the same, i hate mine so much, wish she died instead of my dad.

We could have gotten a good life, not a few good years, A GOOD LIFE. But that cunt spent all the inheritance we had in bars, spending in luxury clothes and expensive shit. She used my father's money to build a new family with a broke ass man and spawned 2 more kids while not having the means to afford to house them properly while i was left to rot and blindsided.

I hate that she cried so many times asking ME for help, even her bf asked to alleviate her workload while HE knocked her up.

So humiliating, hade everything stolen, going through all my mail, searching my room, no privacy. I wish i was more brave and took my independance as soon as i was 18, even if i made mistakes, it would have been my own. But she kept guilt tripping me into staying with her " I need your help, i can't do it without you". I hate hearing her breathe and all the sobbing she did.

I feel you, i don't understand the concept of giving birth if you don't try a little bit to give your child a decent life, instead just betraying them and putting a burden on their shoulders.

I hope you escape your hell and get away from her, you shouldn't have to go through this shit.

 

[scenecore fan]

I feel the same, i hate mine so much, wish she died instead of my dad.

We could have gotten a good life, not a few good years, A GOOD LIFE. But that cunt spent all the inheritance we had in bars, spending in luxury clothes and expensive shit. She used my father's money to build a new family with a broke ass man and spawned 2 more kids while not having the means to afford to house them properly while i was left to rot and blindsided.

I hate that she cried so many times asking ME for help, even her bf asked to alleviate her workload while HE knocked her up.

So humiliating, hade everything stolen, going through all my mail, searching my room, no privacy. I wish i was more brave and took my independance as soon as i was 18, even if i made mistakes, it would have been my own. But she kept guilt tripping me into staying with her " I need your help, i can't do it without you". I hate hearing her breathe and all the sobbing she did.

I feel you, i don't understand the concept of giving birth if you don't try a little bit to give your child a decent life, instead just betraying them and putting a burden on their shoulders.

I hope you escape your hell and get away from her, you shouldn't have to go through this shit.

This, why have a kid if you don't want to be respectful of their sexuality, gender or mental health (in my case those are some of my problems). And oh i am gonna escape this shitty life, she's always said that thanks to me she's still alive, otherwise she would have killed herself (she told me when i was around 10 years old after threatening me with suicide btw), well, i would say let's see, but i won't be here to see if she actually goes through with it once i actually kill myself, ngl i hope she does kill herself, at least my death will mean i "removed" an awful human being from this planet

 

[scenecore fan]

@witchcraft (hope this works, haven't @-ed anyone on here before iirc)
It's hard to compare the intensity of people's situations, especially without meeting them or their family or somehow seeing what really happens behind closed doors. I'm always tempted to divulge the details of my situation, but over the years it's either just made people uncomfortable/pity me too much, or my mother finds out and gets more aggressive again lol. Either way, when I meet people with similar root issues with their mother (or other parents sometimes) there's always a sort of shared madness. It might be wrong, but I always get a little excited when I know someone else has beared this kind of stress and understands the strain it causes.
I'm also an only child with divorced parents, though stereotypically I don't really know my dad. Still, it seems like in these situations, with certain kinds of parents, they'll always find a way to justify positioning you between them.
I resonate with not being allowed to express feelings that are too difficult for them to deal with. My mother particularly will be very mad if I feel something she already has, or in her eyes, that she feels more strongly than me. It's made me really cagey about being anything but cheery or perfectly flat around people I don't know very well. I also get scared about getting close with people because something inside me urges me to be more honest and expressive, and I have very little practice balancing that sort of thing.
Sorry if I responded with a lot of things about myself I'm never totally sure if that's cathartic and relatable, or annoying and unhelpful. Either way, I hope you're in a place where your family isn't putting you in these situations as much. If not, I hope you find some comfort in being reminded that your ship sails among others

You're good don't worry, i also feel a bit glad to find ppl who's parents made them actually wanna kill themselves, like sometimes my friends would vent to me about their moms being shitty and i would overshare and start saying edgy shit and they would go "ehh, no she isn't that bad..." And then i would get snapped back to reality and remember moms ain't that bad for everyone lol

 

[TheHangman]

My mindset is largely the result of decades of abuse by members of my family. Believe me, I sympathize. You should feel free to say whatever you wish here. If anyone gives you a bad time, make sure the admins know about it. I can't provide you with a girlfriend, sorry to say, but I am happy to listen.