Venting I hate having autism

[Squiddy]

A few days ago, I made a fool of myself in front of a couple of my supervisors. There was 3 carts in front of me with a bunch of random stuff and one of my supervisors told me to take the items in them back where they belong so I asked which one she wanted me to take and she said "girl, don't play with me" so I stood there for a couple of seconds with a blank face before she said "any of them" and I had to play it off like I was tired and said "it's been a long night." I hate having autism. Sometimes I need people to be literal.

All 3 of my supervisors ended up laughing as I took one of the carts away. They probably know something is wrong with me, but don't know what (from my cognitive issues to other things). I looked like a complete dumbass in front of them and I can't stop playing it in my head. If only I had the guts to just end things

 

[Red]

It sucks that things that other people take for granted do not come easily to you, it must be very confusing and frustrating!

That's the crappy side of autism… however I believe that you guys have super powers beyond what the average person tends to have; being straightforward and honest to a fault are qualities common to your condition and I consider these far more valuable than anything else!

Although I don't think I'm on the spectrum myself, I tend to get on and identify better with autistic people. There are no games and no lies. It should be commonplace to happily reframe an idea or instruction to better communicate with others - anyone who gets annoyed at having to do this is probably both impatient and inarticulate themselves. This is their weakness, not yours.

Much love and appreciation for you and your special powers

 

[Neuro]

I'm not autistic, but I would probably ask the same. Don't feel like an idiot, they were acting like assholes in my opinion.

 

[SuicidalPlushie]

i'm really sorry you faced like this bad event, if it was me i would also ask which one to take but i don't know why some people don't really speak clearly what they want and if you request some insight they get mad or laugh, their laughing was really disrespecting and cruel act to show, i would say it's sucks to have autism but it's not your fault, you just need some extra love and care with understanding and everyone should offer that to you. i'm awkward too and people sometimes laugh on me, it hurt but really not my fault that people are cruel and misunderstanding. you are beautiful ignore their disrespect, hugs

 

[Squiddy]

It sucks that things that other people take for granted do not come easily to you, it must be very confusing and frustrating!

That's the crappy side of autism… however I believe that you guys have super powers beyond what the average person tends to have; being straightforward and honest to a fault are qualities common to your condition and I consider these far more valuable than anything else!

Although I don't think I'm on the spectrum myself, I tend to get on and identify better with autistic people. There are no games and no lies. It should be commonplace to happily reframe an idea or instruction to better communicate with others - anyone who gets annoyed at having to do this is probably both impatient and inarticulate themselves. This is their weakness, not yours.

Much love and appreciation for you and your special powers

Idk about superpower it really hurt me back when I was younger as people saw me as different and bullied me horrifically which caused me to develop PTSD, BPD and some issues with dissociation

i'm really sorry you faced like this bad event, if it was me i would also ask which one to take but i don't know why some people don't really speak clearly what they want and if you request some insight they get mad or laugh, their laughing was really disrespecting and cruel act to show, i would say it's sucks to have autism but it's not your fault, you just need some extra love and care with understanding and everyone should offer that to you. i'm awkward too and people sometimes laugh on me, it hurt but really not my fault that people are cruel and misunderstanding. you are beautiful ignore their disrespect, hugs

Thanks I wish I could disclose it to them, but I don't want to potentially get fired for it :( I'm sure all of my supervisors know something isn't right, but don't know what

 

[FuneralCry]

I also have autism and it has always been tiring existing in a world that I am not meant for. That sounds like a horrible experience that you had at the job and I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. This life is so unfair as many people are disadvantaged through no fault of their own.

 

[Weebster]

I can only see why you'd be confused if the carts were separated at a distance so that they didn't appear to be in the same group.

 

[hopelessdreams]

honestly, i would've asked which one to take too, and i don't have autism. people really just need to be straightforward. and it's not fair of them to laugh at you, fuck them. i'm sorry this happened to you. it's not your fault for not understanding, many people including me would've done the same..

 

[Lostandlooking]

This is relatable and it sucks. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I tend to ask for clarification also. If you don't ask for clarification and end up doing something 'wrong' people will be mad. If you do ask for clarification, you risk being ridiculed, being called difficult or something like that. Sometimes people will give you an impossible task. But you can't tell them the task is impossible. Because again, then you're being difficult. When you fail to accomplish the task they get mad at you. In the end it seems they just want to prove you're incompetent. Work has created a lot of bad situations like this for me. Hope you can find some relief.

 

[TheLastFemaphrodyke]

A few days ago, I made a fool of myself in front of a couple of my supervisors. There was 3 carts in front of me with a bunch of random stuff and one of my supervisors told me to take the items in them back where they belong so I asked which one she wanted me to take and she said "girl, don't play with me" so I stood there for a couple of seconds with a blank face before she said "any of them" and I had to play it off like I was tired and said "it's been a long night." I hate having autism. Sometimes I need people to be literal.

All 3 of my supervisors ended up laughing as I took one of the carts away. They probably know something is wrong with me, but don't know what (from my cognitive issues to other things). I looked like a complete dumbass in front of them and I can't stop playing it in my head. If only I had the guts to just end things

Seriously, I am so on board with you! Normies just do not understand that we think differently and take things literally and get confused because of this. I feel your pain, the worst of it being that there is absolutely NO way that you can get these people to understand, the world is set up for them and they take full advantage of that and refuse at all costs to let go of that control, why should they, they certainly do not want to be controlled by others they feel are 'less than' themselves, and if we cannot understand things they say without having to have what is said explained, then we MUST be less than them.

Here is some truth here to get you by.......The normies more often than not, also, do not understand thing either and
1) either go about their misunderstanding and make mistakes they then blame on others or simply shrug off
or
2) find ways to go back and question things without seeming like they did not understand, to clarify and NOT make mistakes, (IE< they wait and come back later to ask instead of standing there going 'which cart, what things?', they walk away, catch up with you later and say things like... you meant take blah blah balh and dotle li do right?, just checking to make sure....)
or
3) delegate to someone else so they are no longer involved and cannot be held liable

Our autism prevents us from doing these things as:
1) we do not like to make mistakes and like to do things right the first time
2) we want to make clarifications right away for efficiency and proper clarification
3) we are RARELY in positions that we can delegate anything to anyone as we are 'kept in our places'

 

[Squiddy]

I can only see why you'd be confused if the carts were separated at a distance so that they didn't appear to be in the same group.

They were all a couple inches from each other :(

honestly, i would've asked which one to take too, and i don't have autism. people really just need to be straightforward. and it's not fair of them to laugh at you, fuck them. i'm sorry this happened to you. it's not your fault for not understanding, many people including me would've done the same..

I wish I could just find another job, but my cognitive issues make it hard to find something. I definitely can't do customer service as I struggled doing that before and now I'm struggling doing stocking so I'm at a loss of what to do :(

Seriously, I am so on board with you! Normies just do not understand that we think differently and take things literally and get confused because of this. I feel your pain, the worst of it being that there is absolutely NO way that you can get these people to understand, the world is set up for them and they take full advantage of that and refuse at all costs to let go of that control, why should they, they certainly do not want to be controlled by others they feel are 'less than' themselves, and if we cannot understand things they say without having to have what is said explained, then we MUST be less than them.

Here is some truth here to get you by.......The normies more often than not, also, do not understand thing either and
1) either go about their misunderstanding and make mistakes they then blame on others or simply shrug off
or
2) find ways to go back and question things without seeming like they did not understand, to clarify and NOT make mistakes, (IE< they wait and come back later to ask instead of standing there going 'which cart, what things?', they walk away, catch up with you later and say things like... you meant take blah blah balh and dotle li do right?, just checking to make sure....)
or
3) delegate to someone else so they are no longer involved and cannot be held liable

Our autism prevents us from doing these things as:
1) we do not like to make mistakes and like to do things right the first time
2) we want to make clarifications right away for efficiency and proper clarification
3) we are RARELY in positions that we can delegate anything to anyone as we are 'kept in our places'

I hate making mistakes and when I do, I think about it for hours/days

 

[Sakura94]

Hey Squid did you get to see a neurologist. I remember we spoke about it in some other thread.
Yeah autism sucks I probably have it since it usually goes with EDS. I'm not sure but I've always been able to communicate better through a computer. I don't know how to get around it really. I usually laugh it off and say: I know I'm a fuckup when stuff like this arises. The worst for me is facial blindness that really fucks you over.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

These jobs are really grueling for autistic people, I've read several of your threads and I'm really sorry that you're stuck in such a shit position. I'm autistic as well and the periods of my life where I worked in customer facing roles like food service and retail were absolute hell. I got called retarted multiple times and was frequently insulted by coworkers because they thought I was weird, dumb and slow.

The best way to get by at these jobs is to copy others. When a coworker is doing a task or socialising, watch and observe the words they use and the way they go about doing things. It will make conversations a bit smoother if you're able to figure out what sort of vibe they have and how receptive they are to being asked questions.

For example, in the cart situation, it might be best in the future to remain quiet until the other person prompts you to take a specific item to the back. It feels very mechanical and awkward to lurk behind and be the quietest person in the room, but I found that in those environments, hesitating before I said or did anything was the only way to stop feeling embarrassed and prevent some of the bullying.

I really hope that you'll be able to get out of that job soon. I can tell its causing you a lot of unnecessary stress and suffering. No one should have to feel so defeated by their work environment, especially not when it comes to retail companies who tend to see their employees as just another number, resulting in extremely high turnover rates. They know they're creating misery for their staff.

 

[Squiddy]

Hey Squid did you get to see a neurologist. I remember we spoke about it in some other thread.
Yeah autism sucks I probably have it since it usually goes with EDS. I'm not sure but I've always been able to communicate better through a computer. I don't know how to get around it really. I usually laugh it off and say: I know I'm a fuckup when stuff like this arises. The worst for me is facial blindness that really fucks you over.

Yeah I saw one. He put in my patient portal that he thinks it could either be all of my disorders combined or possibly mild cognitive impairment

These jobs are really grueling for autistic people, I've read several of your threads and I'm really sorry that you're stuck in such a shit position. I'm autistic as well and the periods of my life where I worked in customer facing roles like food service and retail were absolute hell. I got called retarted multiple times and was frequently insulted by coworkers because they thought I was weird, dumb and slow.

The best way to get by at these jobs is to copy others. When a coworker is doing a task or socialising, watch and observe the words they use and the way they go about doing things. It will make conversations a bit smoother if you're able to figure out what sort of vibe they have and how receptive they are to being asked questions.

For example, in the cart situation, it might be best in the future to remain quiet until the other person prompts you to take a specific item to the back. It feels very mechanical and awkward to lurk behind and be the quietest person in the room, but I found that in those environments, hesitating before I said or did anything was the only way to stop feeling embarrassed and prevent some of the bullying.

I really hope that you'll be able to get out of that job soon. I can tell its causing you a lot of unnecessary stress and suffering. No one should have to feel so defeated by their work environment, especially not when it comes to retail companies who tend to see their employees as just another number, resulting in extremely high turnover rates. They know they're creating misery for their staff.

I have done a bit of copying like before, I didn't know how to break down a box and now I do somewhat quickly

 

[Weebster]

They were all a couple inches from each other :(


I wish I could just find another job, but my cognitive issues make it hard to find something. I definitely can't do customer service as I struggled doing that before and now I'm struggling doing stocking so I'm at a loss of what to do :(

I hate making mistakes and when I do, I think about it for hours/days

I don't see how most people make it out of low level jobs. If I can work again, that's where i'll end up.

 

[Niko66]

A few days ago, I made a fool of myself in front of a couple of my supervisors. There was 3 carts in front of me with a bunch of random stuff and one of my supervisors told me to take the items in them back where they belong so I asked which one she wanted me to take and she said "girl, don't play with me" so I stood there for a couple of seconds with a blank face before she said "any of them" and I had to play it off like I was tired and said "it's been a long night." I hate having autism. Sometimes I need people to be literal.

All 3 of my supervisors ended up laughing as I took one of the carts away. They probably know something is wrong with me, but don't know what (from my cognitive issues to other things). I looked like a complete dumbass in front of them and I can't stop playing it in my head. If only I had the guts to just end things

I really feel you, people really don't know how hard it can be to have a brain that simply doesn't work quite the same way. And even worse how people will judge you for it instead of trying to be understanding.

 

[meetapple]

I have a psychiatric disability and know what you are experiencing albeit in a different way. It is like people can't be bothered to understand a different perspective.

 

[Squiddy]

I don't see how most people make it out of low level jobs. If I can work again, that's where i'll end up.

Same. I'd love to go back to college, but idk if I'd even succeed at this point. I miss when my brain was sharper and I was able to do college work

I really feel you, people really don't know how hard it can be to have a brain that simply doesn't work quite the same way. And even worse how people will judge you for it instead of trying to be understanding.

Exactly. I hate how people in real life told me a few years ago to just get a job and I told them I was scared because of my cognitive issues, but no one wanted to listen and 2 years later, I finally get a job and it's interfering with work

I have a psychiatric disability and know what you are experiencing albeit in a different way. It is like people can't be bothered to understand a different perspective.

Yeah and it sucks :( I'd love to put them in my brain for a day. They probably wouldn't survive

 

[Marktheghost]

It sounds like a perfectly reasonable question to ask to me. I think it was the supervisor's attitude that was the problem.

 

[Thatdude]

Idk about superpower

As someone who is autistic, every time I seen someone who called what we have a superpower, they were just blowing things off and virtue signaling. like instead of trying to fix things, they are giving a similar "things will get better" while acting like they actually did something.

I wish I could just find another job, but my cognitive issues make it hard to find something. I definitely can't do customer service as I struggled doing that before and now I'm struggling doing stocking so I'm at a loss of what to do :(

Look up autistic burnout. You might be facing this.

The problem is, unlike normal burnout if it goes untreated it can be horrible to the point of completely screwing with your memory and everything else. It might even heavily change your emotion.
And sadly, there is hardly any studies or anything on this. So treating it can be a nightmare which means this could be another you have x but that's all the info you get.

What some find that helps is if they have a good support network is instead of working full time, then part time or not at all. Like helping around the house type of thing. Some find they need a quite place where they work to discharge for an hour, but many places won't like this.
Like IMO you need to look at your support network and what it will allow, and look at your skills. Maybe you can write books, make enough doing crafts, or something else.

At worse case, something to look into is night security work or working as a janitor. Like when I worked as a janitor people leaved me alone, did the job, and got out.
Night security, I never worked in that but I heard good things about that.

Same. I'd love to go back to college, but idk if I'd even succeed at this point. I miss when my brain was sharper and I was able to do college work

I have 4 degrees, and can tell you it isn't much better on the other side. Like I have degrees in aerospace, general IT, network, and a higher network with a focus on cyber security. Even through my aerospace degree I got some experience with NASA.
Here is the problem, discrimination is unreal and it's more about who you blow vs what you know. Like even for normal people, you basically need to know someone to get into a job. And then to make things worse, when you are found to be autistic or different there is virtually no chance.

Some studies show we have around 85% underemployed or unemployed rate for those of us that were able to get a degree. Some areas have it lower, some higher. But compared to the 20% of normal people, we are screwed.

Like if you can, then do it. You never know. But don't expect anything from it.

 

[whatevs]

I supposedly have autism and I think you aren't slow for this, but just rational. The command was unclear. Put the items in the cart back. WHICH cart, though? Completely understandable.

I have a psychiatric disability and know what you are experiencing albeit in a different way. It is like people can't be bothered to understand a different perspective.

This is because in reality nobody gives a fuck about minorities unless it's a politically fashionable one.

 

[Sakura94]

Yeah I saw one. He put in my patient portal that he thinks it could either be all of my disorders combined or possibly mild cognitive impairment

Keep fighting

 

[Squiddy]

As someone who is autistic, every time I seen someone who called what we have a superpower, they were just blowing things off and virtue signaling. like instead of trying to fix things, they are giving a similar "things will get better" while acting like they actually did something.


Look up autistic burnout. You might be facing this.

The problem is, unlike normal burnout if it goes untreated it can be horrible to the point of completely screwing with your memory and everything else. It might even heavily change your emotion.
And sadly, there is hardly any studies or anything on this. So treating it can be a nightmare which means this could be another you have x but that's all the info you get.

What some find that helps is if they have a good support network is instead of working full time, then part time or not at all. Like helping around the house type of thing. Some find they need a quite place where they work to discharge for an hour, but many places won't like this.
Like IMO you need to look at your support network and what it will allow, and look at your skills. Maybe you can write books, make enough doing crafts, or something else.

At worse case, something to look into is night security work or working as a janitor. Like when I worked as a janitor people leaved me alone, did the job, and got out.
Night security, I never worked in that but I heard good things about that.

I have 4 degrees, and can tell you it isn't much better on the other side. Like I have degrees in aerospace, general IT, network, and a higher network with a focus on cyber security. Even through my aerospace degree I got some experience with NASA.
Here is the problem, discrimination is unreal and it's more about who you blow vs what you know. Like even for normal people, you basically need to know someone to get into a job. And then to make things worse, when you are found to be autistic or different there is virtually no chance.

Some studies show we have around 85% underemployed or unemployed rate for those of us that were able to get a degree. Some areas have it lower, some higher. But compared to the 20% of normal people, we are screwed.

Like if you can, then do it. You never know. But don't expect anything from it.

The cognitive issues, I've been experiencing for 3 years now. I wish I could do part time or none at all, but I really need to move out of my parents house as they're not supportive and can be emotionally abusive along with my siblings at times. I originally wanted to do a computer science degree, but idk if I'd even be good at it at this point.

Also not even 3 hours in and I fucked up again. My bitchy supervisor is back after 4 days and she got upset because I accidentally forgot to move one mayo thing over to another shelf (idk how I missed it honestly. I also have ADHD and other things too). She also said I set it up wrong and other things, but I forgot the rest a few minutes later

I supposedly have autism and I think you aren't slow for this, but just rational. The command was unclear. Put the items in the cart back. WHICH cart, though? Completely understandable.

This is because in reality nobody gives a fuck about minorities unless it's a politically fashionable one.

True :( I really need out of this job

Keep fighting

I'm trying, but it's getting harder and harder. At this point, the best part of my day is when I'm sleeping unconscious. I wish I could leave, but my stupid SI is still too high

 

[The Abyss]

Yeah autism is terrible for the majority that have it, success stories are few & far between with very early intervention or having a good start more often than not factoring into that outcome.

I'm practically a hermit as I hate being around the average person, with no support network & charisma along with a lack of social skills it's very difficult to not have a target on your back. Why would I want to participate in the ass kicking contest with one leg (euthanism for having a lack of social network & not constantly upselling myself with outright lies & bullshit to impress).

I don't get the benefits of the social charge like most & instead feel drained from it. The fucking drab conversations ppl have, same old tired shit with no deeper meaning & nothing of substance learned. Just humble bragging about something everyone else is doing, minimally exceptional.

It's almost like the average normie is a hivemind connected to a neuro network understanding intentions through subtle cues such as body language, facial nuance & tone of voice pitch along with some likely meaning first choice assumptions & good bullshitting ability.
I'm thinking why not just say what you mean & be direct but I guess that'd be too efficient for most.

The problem isn't autism, it's that everything is centred around being neurotypical which we ain't & there has been no grand movement to improve our rights; nobody will meet us halfway. It's more like 90/10 in their favour at best.

Too much emphasis on being social when not everything calls for it to even be necessary.

Something I believe many autists, introverts, physically ugly ppl & generally outcast ppl suffer from is a lack of progress on the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you need your foundation to build your extra floors & if you're stuck behind you can't really skip them.

Clown world ain't a meme, it's real.

 

[Squiddy]

Yeah autism is terrible for the majority that have it, success stories are few & far between with very early intervention or having a good start more often than not factoring into that outcome.

I'm practically a hermit as I hate being around the average person, with no support network & charisma along with a lack of social skills it's very difficult to not have a target on your back. Why would I want to participate in the ass kicking contest with one leg (euthanism for having a lack of social network & not constantly upselling myself with outright lies & bullshit to impress).

I don't get the benefits of the social charge like most & instead feel drained from it. The fucking drab conversations ppl have, same old tired shit with no deeper meaning & nothing of substance learned. Just humble bragging about something everyone else is doing, minimally exceptional.

It's almost like the average normie is a hivemind connected to a neuro network understanding intentions through subtle cues such as body language, facial nuance & tone of voice pitch along with some likely meaning first choice assumptions & good bullshitting ability.
I'm thinking why not just say what you mean & be direct but I guess that'd be too efficient for most.

The problem isn't autism, it's that everything is centred around being neurotypical which we ain't & there has been no grand movement to improve our rights; nobody will meet us halfway. It's more like 90/10 in their favour at best.

Too much emphasis on being social when not everything calls for it to even be necessary.

Something I believe many autists, introverts, physically ugly ppl & generally outcast ppl suffer from is a lack of progress on the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you need your foundation to build your extra floors & if you're stuck behind you can't really skip them.

Clown world ain't a meme, it's real.

I wish people were more accepting and accommodating, but idk if it'll ever happen I'm pretty sure all of my supervisors think I'm weird and unintelligent for doing things wrong and forgetting what to do a second later

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I wish people were more accepting and accommodating, but idk if it'll ever happen I'm pretty sure all of my supervisors think I'm weird and unintelligent for doing things wrong and forgetting what to do a second later

They probably do, it's hard to say, but they're assholes. Sometimes I have some of the same issues you have with things like this, but I'm not really sure what the deal is with my brain exactly. I never got an actual diagnosis for autism spectrum disorders or anything else, but I think you're actually a lot more intelligent than you give yourself credit for, it's just in regards to different things than it is for them.

In this case, I'm not entirely sure this is an autism problem exactly. Like others have said, their instructions were unclear in the first place, so this could have caused problems for anyone, but it's probably a good thing that it was you instead of me. Lately, I haven't had as much patience with other people's BS as I used to, so in your place I probably would have made a nasty comment about it and gotten fired.

 

[Squiddy]

They probably do, it's hard to say, but they're assholes. Sometimes I have some of the same issues you have with things like this, but I'm not really sure what the deal is with my brain exactly. I never got an actual diagnosis for autism spectrum disorders or anything else, but I think you're actually a lot more intelligent than you give yourself credit for, it's just in regards to different things than it is for them.

In this case, I'm not entirely sure this is an autism problem exactly. Like others have said, their instructions were unclear in the first place, so this could have caused problems for anyone, but it's probably a good thing that it was you instead of me. Lately, I haven't had as much patience with other people's BS as I used to, so in your place I probably would have made a nasty comment about it and gotten fired.

Fortunately I have 2 days off so I don't have to see any of them again for a bit I find that the bitcheist supervisor makes my anxiety skyrocket and one night it was so bad that I was constantly stimming and it made me more nervous because I thought someone would see me stimming so it was a vicious cycle

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Fortunately I have 2 days off so I don't have to see any of them again for a bit I find that the bitcheist supervisor makes my anxiety skyrocket and one night it was so bad that I was constantly stimming and it made me more nervous because I thought someone would see me stimming so it was a vicious cycle

At least you get a bit of a break from being around them. Stress-induced stimming can be very embarrassing when you're self-conscious about it, I totally get that. I do it sometimes too, but not as much as I used to when I was younger. I kind of had to learn to suppress it when I was a kid, because apparently my dad thought if he yelled at me about it often enough, it would make me stop doing it and become normal. I guess it didn't work as well as he thought.

 

[Squiddy]

At least you get a bit of a break from being around them. Stress-induced stimming can be very embarrassing when you're self-conscious about it, I totally get that. I do it sometimes too, but not as much as I used to when I was younger. I kind of had to learn to suppress it when I was a kid, because apparently my dad thought if he yelled at me about it often enough, it would make me stop doing it and become normal. I guess it didn't work as well as he thought.

Damn that sucks :(

I was stimming a lot last night when I got high. That's really the only time I don't feel anxious or embarrassed about it I wish I could be high the majority of the time lol

 

[Thatdude]

Also not even 3 hours in and I fucked up again. My bitchy supervisor is back after 4 days and she got upset because I accidentally forgot to move one mayo thing over to another shelf (idk how I missed it honestly. I also have ADHD and other things too). She also said I set it up wrong and other things, but I forgot the rest a few minutes later

That actually sounds like you need another job. Like it sounds like a bad company/store to work for.

If they had good leaders (and she is in a leader role). If you are making constant mistakes like that, and she can't/don't want to replace you. Then she needs to find a way to work around the problem. Like instead of stocking shelves, maybe bringing items from the back to the front and someone else will stock the shelves. That or they tell you what to do, you do it, you go back to them, they tell you the next thing to do, and repeat.

If I was you I would just look at finding a new job and quitting when you find it.