Venting I hate everything about myself

[smpkie]

I could not name one positive trait about myself. My whole body makes me sick and I can't stand looking at myself for a few seconds, even my posture gives me dysphoria. I feel broken beyond repair and no amount of hrt could ever make me feel better about the way I'm perceived. I really want another chance at having a childhood, I really really want that, it's something I'll never get back. I'll never get to experience one of the many things that were ripped away from me. This world has never offered me a single chance at being truly happy and absolutely no amount of love could make me feel complete. I don't know where to put myself. I feel so worthless.

I don't deserve the people around me. I'm too ungrateful because I always end up expecting people to take the time out of their lives to make sure I'm okay. I'm never okay. I love the attention people give me, I don't care if it's negative or positive. I can't live without constant attention. I always crave that sweet feeling of people offer me, I can never get enough. The day I don't get any is the day the gun is gonna go off. I have to live for other people, I need them to wonder how I'm doing or really anything else about me. I always end up losing myself just for a bit of attention. There are a lot, and I mean a LOT of cases where I just can't recognize anything about myself due to how much I change for others just to receive a bit of attention.

I don't know what to do with myself. Even writing this made me feel like a disgusting piece of shit

 

[hhtroc]

100 percent agreed. I find myself so disgusting and i am disgusted by the abuse and lack of respect i take just to be able to have people interested in me. If i stood up for myself, i am so scared of just being left aside, just like I am forcing peolpe to be friends with me because I give them absolutely 0 reason to cut me off and so much freedom to shit on me, so when people still dont wanna be friends with me, i feel so bad.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Same here. I want to die today.