Venting i hate everything about me

[bunnyeve]

ive hated myself ever since i can remember but lately its been especially unbearable. i have so much issues with my body and face, nothing can change the fact that everytime i look into the mirror tears start to build up almost immediately. i dont want to look like this, i hate being myself, it seems pointless and too much of a struggle to live the rest of my life with a person i hate so truly, and said person being myself. id do anything to have a different face and a different body. i cant even starve that well anymore, im a failure even in that

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really torturous and tiring what you are going through, it's true that there's too much suffering in existing.

 

[pettyqueen]

I understand what you are going through but for sure you are more than your physical looks?

What is one thing you like about you or that you can do well? It comes to my mind, how kind you have been to me, a stranger, so you must be a good person.

Looks don't last, we all change and age and evolve. Cover your mirrors and focus in other things bout you that you like or can change

 

[Rack.-]

ive hated myself ever since i can remember but lately its been especially unbearable. i have so much issues with my body and face, nothing can change the fact that everytime i look into the mirror tears start to build up almost immediately. i dont want to look like this, i hate being myself, it seems pointless and too much of a struggle to live the rest of my life with a person i hate so truly, and said person being myself. id do anything to have a different face and a different body. i cant even starve that well anymore, im a failure even in that

I'm sorry you are feeling like that. Is there something that has been troubling you lately? You can be more open about it (if you want to). I'd love if I could make you feel better

 

[bunnyeve]

I understand what you are going through but for sure you are more than your physical looks?

What is one thing you like about you or that you can do well? It comes to my mind, how kind you have been to me, a stranger, so you must be a good person.

Looks don't last, we all change and age and evolve. Cover your mirrors and focus in other things bout you that you like or can change

ive been focused on my looks for so long, food is the only thing on my mind... my memory is so bad because of it, i cant focus on anything else. i think ive lost the point of losing weight some time ago, now i hate how i constantly think about food which should only be a fuel so my body can function.

thank you for your kind words! im not sure what i can do well, but i try to be kind.

I'm sorry you are feeling like that. Is there something that has been troubling you lately? You can be more open about it (if you want to). I'd love if I could make you feel better

the constant thought of food on my mind is so draining... it feels like nothing else but my looks and food exista to my mind and i hate it. i cant eat anything without feeling guilty, but then i still go and devour the whole fridge just to later sit and cry. i feel miserable, like im wasting my life because of hating myself...
thank you so much for being so kind :(

 

[pettyqueen]

I've had an ED for 31 years so I definitely relate.

But you are more than your body. What do you think would be different if you had the looks you wanted? What are you looking to achieve? Is it friends, fame, relationships… do the exercise of trying to find a good thing in you that is not looks related. It might surprise you

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

same here, i hate my body its disgusting i just want to seperate it from my mind
and i want to seperate my broken mind from... me or whatevers left of "me"

 

[bunnyeve]

I've had an ED for 31 years so I definitely relate.

But you are more than your body. What do you think would be different if you had the looks you wanted? What are you looking to achieve? Is it friends, fame, relationships… do the exercise of trying to find a good thing in you that is not looks related. It might surprise you

if i had the looks i wanted, maybe i wouldn't hate taking photos? maybe i would be able to to talk with people without worrying that my face is too ugly for them to look at? maybe i wouldn't feel uncomfortable lying with my bf just because he can see my face... i want to achieve peace. peace of my own mind.
i think im pretty good at art? like, painting, drawing... thats what people tell me. its hard to come up with anything when i hate everything i do

same here, i hate my body its disgusting i just want to seperate it from my mind
and i want to seperate my broken mind from... me or whatevers left of "me"

literally!! i sometimes want to just have no body, no real form, just exist as a mind and experience things without ever having to worry about how my physical form looks. this would also delete the broken piece of mind that only worries about looks and then maybe I'd be worth something

 

[Rack.-]

the constant thought of food on my mind is so draining... it feels like nothing else but my looks and food exista to my mind and i hate it. i cant eat anything without feeling guilty, but then i still go and devour the whole fridge just to later sit and cry. i feel miserable, like im wasting my life because of hating myself...
thank you so much for being so kind :(

That's perfectly fine!!... It's known that eating can oftenly help people to cope with sadness and other strong emotions so I guess it can be seen as a form of stress relieving. It's not something you should feel bad about :)

 

[pettyqueen]

You have a bf so I'm sure he thinks you are pretty or loves you for who you are. I know it doesn't help but at least someone loves you. What kind of art do you make?

 

[HaHaFunny]

Oh man I relate to this on a deeper level. I've always hated the way I looked to the point that I stopped going outside bc I thought I looked so ugly. I lost some weight and developed an ED in the process, it sort of helped me feel better, but I can't starve myself anymore for whatever reason either haha.

I'm so sure you're a wonderful person. Try to focus on that whenever it gets hard to cope. What I do whenever I start to spiral and hyper focus on my appearance is to play some games. It somewhat helps me shut my mind off. I understand what you're going through and I wish you all the best and hopefully one day we both learn how to accept ourselves. Much love.

 

[cami]

oh my love, im so sorry you feel that way. i have anorexia so i definitely understand where you are coming from. if you ever need to vent im always here and i hope we can find peace with ourselves oneday.

 

[bunnyeve]

Oh man I relate to this on a deeper level. I've always hated the way I looked to the point that I stopped going outside bc I thought I looked so ugly. I lost some weight and developed an ED in the process, it sort of helped me feel better, but I can't starve myself anymore for whatever reason either haha.

I'm so sure you're a wonderful person. Try to focus on that whenever it gets hard to cope. What I do whenever I start to spiral and hyper focus on my appearance is to play some games. It somewhat helps me shut my mind off. I understand what you're going through and I wish you all the best and hopefully one day we both learn how to accept ourselves. Much love.

thank you so much!! its true that games help, you just kind of have to focus more on the game than on your appearance+ no one can see you haha. but the going outside part is so reletable. i even used to put a bag on my head when i was home alone cause i couldnt stand my own face... sometimes i wonder how it even got that far

You have a bf so I'm sure he thinks you are pretty or loves you for who you are. I know it doesn't help but at least someone loves you. What kind of art do you make?

its true, i cant really understand why he's with me but im very thankful for that. i mostly draw and sometimes do digital art, i go to an art school so i do a lot of that. i also love making small gifts for everyone, like keychains or bracelets

 

[Forever Sleep]

ive been focused on my looks for so long, food is the only thing on my mind... my memory is so bad because of it, i cant focus on anything else. i think ive lost the point of losing weight some time ago, now i hate how i constantly think about food which should only be a fuel so my body can function.

thank you for your kind words! im not sure what i can do well, but i try to be kind.

the constant thought of food on my mind is so draining... it feels like nothing else but my looks and food exista to my mind and i hate it. i cant eat anything without feeling guilty, but then i still go and devour the whole fridge just to later sit and cry. i feel miserable, like im wasting my life because of hating myself...
thank you so much for being so kind :(

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'd say I came close to having an eating disorder at one point and yeah- it's exhausting being so obsessive- even frightened of food and gaining weight. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here but I'm certain that starving yourself or restricting heavily will make you like this though. It's natural when you think about it. Your body is starving- no wonder it starts to make you think about food all the time. Plus- I'm sure that restricting ends up in binge eating- where you just can't stop yourself anymore. I'm sure you know though and of course- it's a much harder thing to modify than just talk about. As for looks, I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I wish there wasn't such emphasis on looks in this world. I hope you can find your way through this and feel a greater sense of peace/ acceptance with yourself.