avstin
ᡕᠵデᡁ᠊╾━
- Aug 18, 2023
- 30
i will never understand why people do this as if they had critical thinking skills of a fuckin rock. I just feel so angry and not even sure if i'm really sad anymore. I used to be but now I just want to find her and shake some sense into her i'm fuckin holding myself back from lashing out on her but I know i will achieve nothing and only will alienate our other two friends if I do. alr but for some context so i'm not just rambling, I simply want someone to finally understand why am I so mad. back in high school we used to have a four person friendgroup. it used to be bigger but we had some shit going on and yeah, ended on bad terms with some of them. I mean, I did. but that's a whole different story. the friend i'm taking about, let's call J. out of everyone, she was the one I felt closest to for the last two years of our education and everyone else saw that she also liked me the most as well. I was a pretty vulnerable kid back then and so I loved her so so dearly as a friend. or more?? i have no idea, I always used to have an issue with decipherinf what's platonic and what's romantic. but I just know that there was very much love in my heart for her. once I even wrote her a seven pages letter about my love and gave it to her and she never even responded not even a word about it ever. after school I moved out of town but we were still in touch, for my birthday I received a package from her and another friend, everything was fine. but last year it was her birthday, so as usual I wished her well, to which she replied that I had ruined her important day and congratulated me for doing so?? and honestly I have no idea but I did wrong I SWEAR I said same shit to her for four years straight and so ofc I asked what did I do wrong AND SHE NEVER FUCKING RESPONDED. she saw the message and fuckin ignored it and for the past six months has been ignoring me on our shared gc as well. we could have a whole ass conversation everyone together and she still would respond to everyone BUT me. and I still don't know what I did wrong. today I texted her again to see if she'd kindly tell me, and you know what? nothing. she ignored me again. I'm losing my fucking mind I feel so much hate towards her. she's always been the smart kid always getting straight A's always being the best student in the whole fuckin school she now studies law and I feel like shes nothing but entitled. I feel like I'm finally not worthy of her precious time anymore casue what am I to her when shes so fucking smart and awesome and I'm a deadbeat right. it came out longer than intended thank you if you read it but honestly I just wanted to get it off my chest even tho I will stay so fuckin mad and if she ever gives me a response it's gonna end like shit cause i have nothing nice to say no more
