I guess this is goodbye

[xLosthopex]

One thing my failed 'attempt' the other day taught me/reminded me of was just how fucked up it is that people who wish to ctb(at least the vast majority of us who do not have access to assisted dying/euthanasia) are forced to go through such a scary thing all alone and in fear because of society's messed up attitude towards this issue. The fact we can't even discuss this decision with those closest to us, our therapists or whoever… makes it one of the loneliest feelings in the world
I'm so sorry OP that life has brought you to such a place to make this decision

 

[Diesel_Punk]

One thing my failed 'attempt' the other day taught me/reminded me of was just how fucked up it is that people who wish to ctb(at least the vast majority of us who do not have access to assisted dying/euthanasia) are forced to go through such a scary thing all alone and in fear because of society's messed up attitude towards this issue. The fact we can't even discuss this decision with those closest to us, our therapists or whoever… makes it one of the loneliest feelings in the world
I'm so sorry OP that life has brought you to such a place to make this decision

You are right, the end of someone's life is supposed to be a big deal but instead of saying goodbye to out friends and family we are forced to lie and hide like it is a crime to make a decision regarding one's own life, even if that decision is painful to those around us.

For most people N or even SN is not an option so mist will either take their chances with hanging and the horrible suffering g that method can bring or risk traumatising someone else by jumping in front of a train etc. So what decision are we left with other than to crawl into a metaphorical hole and to die there like animals? It is fucked up beyond measure but unfortunately this is the world we live in.

We were all brought into this world without our consent, so why do we suddenly need consent from other people (which they of course won't give because it would hurt their feelings...) if we want to leave it?

Goddamnit, I wish I hadn't been such a coward when I had the chance to ctb...

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Thank you again for the kind words, I really appreciate them.

It has been a while so I thought it wouldn't hurt to give a bit of an update to those who are interested for whatever reason. Since the day I've not killed myself (I really wanted to but my body kinda froze up and I physically couldn't get myself to put that rope around my neck) I really tried embracing life and the whole positive thinking spiel but in the end I've gotten only confirmation that life is indeed not for me and I hope that I will soon be able to do what needs to be done.

I will be staying with my family for a couple of weeks now (I will be going on Monday) and I don't know if it will make it easier or harder for them or me to deal with me catching the bus once I get back. I just hope that I will not waiver when the time comes to leave for good.

Thanks for bearing with me

I think we are lucky to have you here as long as we can. I don't hold anything against anyone who can't go through with it. I haven't been able to do it yet either.

I think we are lucky to have you here as long as we can. I don't hold anything against anyone who can't go through with it. I haven't been able to do it yet either.

I was a coward as well. I should have gone before covid but I didn't and now I really regret it.

I think we are lucky to have you here as long as we can. I don't hold anything against anyone who can't go through with it. I haven't been able to do it yet either.

I was a coward as well. I should have gone before covid but I didn't and now I really regret it.

I think we are lucky to have you here as long as we can. I don't hold anything against anyone who can't go through with it. I haven't been able to do it yet either.

I was a coward as well. I should have gone before covid but I didn't and now I really regret it.

I was a coward as well. I should have gone before covid but I didn't and now I really regret it.

Frak Frank Frank.... I messed up my post.... Sorry guys.

 

[Diesel_Punk]

Looks like I will be trying again today or tomorrow, I do not yet know when I will be in a good mindset to do it but I don't intend to see next week. I have to except that there will never be a perfect time for me to ctb and I just need to grit my teeth and get it done.

I just can't stand the limbo of being too weak to live and too weak to die at the same time so I must somehow conjure up enough strength to break this downward spiral and end it once and for all but at this point I'm just tired beyond belief and I can't take another month of this so advice on how to defeat irrational SI would be greatly appreciated.

Dying sucks, it really does but it is preferable to existing like this so please, wish me strength.