Venting I guess I will never get involved in a romantic relationship.

[Windene]

Not gonna lie, I always have fantasies or imagination about someone who cares and loves me. I would picture a scene where me and "my partner" sit together and enjoy good food, play video games together, go to theme parks tgt etc.

A part of me wants to take part in a romantic relationship.

However, I will never actually do it. I have been suffering from depression and lack of motivation to live. I feel like a balloon which will easily go "pop" and die.

If one day someone who is so attractive and amazing to a point where I wanna date comes into my life, I will just let the opportunity slide. I do not want my beloved one to get harmed over my suicide.

I guess I am not suitable to be loved. Thank you for the people who read through this. Feel free to share your opinions or your experience.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not have any interest in relationships personally, I would rather be alone and I cannot stand people. Relationships just seem to cause people pain. I also have no motivation to live. Living really is painful. I wish you the best.

 

[uselesswaste]

I find humans scary. I don't know if they are telling the truths or lies, especially what is going on in their minds. People are complicated, so I will never be in love either.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Relationships are overrated. The honey moon phase you are talking of only last so long. There is a danger in being dependant on someone else for your own happiness. That doesnt mean being in a healthy relationship isnt necessary but the main goal of romantic relationships is to bring kids and care for them. It was never meant to be happily ever after in romantic sense

 

[Darkover]

i used to fantasize about being an immortal machine i just want to be all alone and have the world to my self where i can build and create machines to do my ever bidding, create a machine city have all the knowledge the universe has to offer then imagine and create to create a amazing adventure, live inside a computer generated world with infinity computational power where practically anything is possible, i don't want to be dependent on anyone i want to be completely independent, no more being dependent on someone else for my happiness, love it's a weakness.

 

[TommyWiseau]

I have the same kind of mentality. Often I meet someone who is really nice at first so I start over fantasizing about our relationship in the future to the point of getting overly attached to said person, even though I barely know her/him and they don't share my feelings. I never get to the point of asking this person out... I just imagine what could be if I had more confidence and less depression.

Never got involved in any kind of romantic relationship. Not even in the emotional kind. My family hates me and all my dearest friends now have their "own" life, which I'm barely a part of. I dream of someone to lean on mentally.

 

[vinie]

Honestly, though relying on somebody emotionally can end badly (trust me, I've been there), it is a fact that somebody can come around in your life that will help you push through your hardships. Of course, there is a catch; they come with time. That essentially means not running after someone who gives zero fucks about you. Those who truly care will do anything to reach into your soul.

Love is truly magnificent., as it catches you off-guard and pushes you down a well in the process. It is painful and torturous, yet it can give so much comfort and meaning to one's life. Nobody's unlovable; even the worst people on Earth have received love in some shape or form. You just have to welcome it with open arms :)

I wish you the best of luck <3

 

[Snake of Eden]

Honestly, though relying on somebody emotionally can end badly (trust me, I've been there), it is a fact that somebody can come around in your life that will help you push through your hardships. Of course, there is a catch; they come with time. That essentially means not running after someone who gives zero fucks about you. Those who truly care will do anything to reach into your soul.

Love is truly magnificent., as it catches you off-guard and pushes you down a well in the process. It is painful and torturous, yet it can give so much comfort and meaning to one's life. Nobody's unlovable; even the worst people on Earth have received love in some shape or form. You just have to welcome it with open arms :)

I wish you the best of luck <3

I dont mean to sound like confrontational but saying things like it comes with time and nobody is unlovable, sounds like gross generalisation that has no basis in reality whatsoever. There are so many people who lived alone all their lives and not by choice. I caution against being attached to hopeful fantasies as chances it would back fire are tremendously high

 

[vinie]

I dont mean to sound like confrontational but saying things like it comes with time and nobody is unlovable, sounds like gross generalisation that has no basis in reality whatsoever. There are so many people who lived alone all their lives and not by choice. I caution against being attached to hopeful fantasies as chances it would back fire are tremendously high

It is based on psychology and neurobiology. From a scientific standpoint, love is a phenomenon which involves the limbic system and a plethora of hormones controlled by the pituitary gland. It is extremely crucial for human survival, as it serves a psychological, physical and reproductive function. For example, one of the hormones which gets released in cases of mutual attachment is vasopressin, which plays a key role in regulating plasma osmolality. I do admit that love cannot always 'come with time', as it depends on the person. But, the statement that nobody is unlovable is factual. In most cases, the primary reason as to why we can feel unlovable is due to our own perception and unresolved past trauma. This is reflected through attachment theory, or the theory that the way we perceive emotional affairs (such as love) is based on our caregiver's psychological response towards us in our childhood. Individuals who grew up in negligent households with no emotional support usually develop a dismissive personality, where they underplay the importance of relationships. Those who had unpredictable caregivers commonly display symptoms of high anxiety in their adult lives.

It is true that there have been many people who are in the older bracket, but have yet to find a companion. It is also true that most do not have a choice to do so. But I argue that there are always underlying factors to this. Whether it is the lack of self-confidence or mental health problems, it is in no way the individual's fault. Take a look at Elliot Rodger, the misogynist mass murderer incel. He was fairly attractive and was quite independent. Yet, he never got a girlfriend, which sparked his femicide in 2014. His 'attempts' of finding love included sitting in his car, waiting for someone to approach him. Obviously, this did not work. By watching his YouTube videos, one can immediately notice his inflated ego, as he expects others to naturally be in love with him without any effort from his side. There is an interesting video on the YouTube channel Together TV, which showcases the life of a 40-year-old virgin named Clive. He is a well-off and intelligent individual, yet has never had sex before. He cannot talk to women in a flirty manner, as he does not have the self-esteem to do so.

As we move into a more sex-positive society, we also become ashamed of ourselves and our lives. We seek answers to our exacerbated questions. Why am I alone? Aren't I enough? Is there something wrong with me? Am I just unlovable? All of this pondering can destroy an individual and their ability to connect. This can cause involuntary dismissal of other's care, or just an extremely scarred outlook on attachment and relationships.

Call me a biased, delusional, hopeless romantic, but I do believe that love can change lives. It certainly changed mine, though the person responsible for that is now gone. We were both unstable and severe depression got one of us quicker than the other. Their absence has brought me great pain, yet I am grateful for the comfort and love they gave me.

I am not here to command the way you reason love; we all have our own set of beliefs. I just wanted to share my own take on the subject as a way to comfort a fellow member, the same way that the person whom I loved dearly did when I was suffering from melancholy :)

 

[Julgran]

Call me a biased, delusional, hopeless romantic, but I do believe that love can change lives.

You are on to something profound here - at least from my perspective. Many of life's obstacles would probably seem less daunting for lonely people if they just had a significant other by their side - at least that's how I feel.

 

[Pluto]

It is based on psychology and neurobiology. From a scientific standpoint, love is a phenomenon which involves the limbic system and a plethora of hormones controlled by the pituitary gland.

Your reply is thoughtful and intelligent, but I have to disagree with the contention. It's like saying "everyone is capable of walking; people in wheelchairs just need to fix their legs".

While abuse, self esteem, emasculation (of men), trauma/distrust issues (in men or women) and other theoretically fixable psychological phenomena are core underlying factors, I feel that it is important to take this on a case-by-case basis. Practical availability of recovery options, physical attractiveness/money/social status/etc. issues, and the snowballing effects of ageing in an isolated state mean that some people are by definition unlovable. I would know.

That said, for someone who is merely suffering from distorted thinking, catastrophising and what not, your message rings true.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Practical availability of recovery options, physical attractiveness/money/social status/etc. issues, and the snowballing effects of ageing in an isolated state mean that some people are by definition unlovable.l

thank you for saying it. Nobody is willing to admit that it is the case. People who i dated and crushed on always told me there is someone else out there for me like it is a given. It is biggest slap in the face to be rejected by somebody and be told to look for someone else who is just waiting for me. Some romantic bullshit people who have no problem finding partners, smear on our faces the less lucky ones

 

[Onkyo74893]

Never assume you would be happier in a relationship than without one. Look at the Gabby Petito/Brian Laundrie case. Just because couples you see look attractive and happy doesn't necessarily mean they're in a good relationship. As the 70's Charlie Rich hit single went, "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors".

 

[nopointofliving]

Same for me , I feel the same

 

[Rational man]

Not gonna lie, I always have fantasies or imagination about someone who cares and loves me. I would picture a scene where me and "my partner" sit together and enjoy good food, play video games together, go to theme parks tgt etc.

A part of me wants to take part in a romantic relationship.

However, I will never actually do it. I have been suffering from depression and lack of motivation to live. I feel like a balloon which will easily go "pop" and die.

If one day someone who is so attractive and amazing to a point where I wanna date comes into my life, I will just let the opportunity slide. I do not want my beloved one to get harmed over my suicide.

I guess I am not suitable to be loved. Thank you for the people who read through this. Feel free to share your opinions or your experience.

Try it and let the other person decide instead of you judging YOU. Love can be amazing but I made a fatal mistake. I expected it to last. The thing is, LOVE only happens in the moment. The future holds no guarantee and eventually we have to let go of love and life. My fantasy about everlasting romance was simply the reflection of my own delusion.

 

[ikadasui]

Try it and let the other person decide instead of you judging YOU. Love can be amazing but I made a fatal mistake. I expected it to last. The thing is, LOVE only happens in the moment. The future holds no guarantee and eventually we have to let go of love and life. My fantasy about everlasting romance was simply the reflection of my own delusion.

After being single essentially all my life when I found "love this year" I was truly happy. Of course, I fucked up and we broke it off, but I can't live this lonely life anymore after knowing what I had. I can't handle knowing she's already moved on even if we're still friends. I can't take it anymore

 

[Snake of Eden]

After being single essentially all my life when I found "love this year" I was truly happy. Of course, I fucked up and we broke it off, but I can't live this lonely life anymore after knowing what I had. I can't handle knowing she's already moved on even if we're still friends. I can't take it anymore

I know how you feel. Trust me. Everyday is torture to feel you had something that you lost. You question yourself maybe you never had anything and it was all unreal. It makes me really wonder if it is better that we are left alone to our own devices or to have something we cherish but we lose it. Both are undesirable, both are really bad

 

[ikadasui]

I know how you feel. Trust me. Everyday is torture to feel you had something that you lost. You question yourself maybe you never had anything and it was all unreal. It makes me really wonder if it is better that we are left alone to our own devices or to have something we cherish but we lose it. Both are undesirable, both are really bad

It's truly opening up pandora's box, because now that you've tasted it and it's gone you'll always have that flavor in the back of your mouth, and you know you'll never drink on it again

 

[Snake of Eden]

It's truly opening up pandora's box, because now that you've tasted it and it's gone you'll always have that flavor in the back of your mouth, and you know you'll never drink on it again

For me it has been full two years and I cant let go for the life of me. It would be easier if I was someone who can find partners very easily but I just cant. I am left for my own devices to shut up and deal with it. I feel it will be my last catalyst to ctb although i know it shouldnt. I dont want it to. But it really hurts knowing you and your circumstances are so unfit for love and connection that you desperately crave more than anything yet the world does not owe it to you to bring you somebody like that but you still see all types of people around you are fulfilled and happy as if the universe is rubbing it on your face on purpose because even though it does not owe you a lover or a soulmate but it shows you that it is not the case for other people who are luckier than you in that regards. The feelings of injustice are so great and never cease

 

[Julgran]

For me it has been full two years and I cant let go for the life of me. It would be easier if I was someone who can find partners very easily but I just cant. I am left for my own devices to shut up and deal with it. I feel it will be my last catalyst to ctb although i know it shouldnt. I dont want it to. But it really hurts knowing you and your circumstances are so unfit for love and connection that you desperately crave more than anything yet the world does not owe it to you to bring you somebody like that but you still see all types of people around you are fulfilled and happy as if the universe is rubbing it on your face on purpose because even though it does not owe you a lover or a soulmate but it shows you that it is not the case for other people who are luckier than you in that regards. The feelings of injustice are so great and never cease

We are many who are stuck in the same situation. Now, I'm not sure if you have delved into the sexual dynamics between men and women, but it seems like fewer and fewer men will have the option to form families and reproduce, in which case we will be far more who are unable to do that, compared to those men who actually succeed.

Unfortunately, I have no solution to this, but one explanation for the source problem is probably that we simply are too many people on this planet. If that was not the case, I don't think that this problem would occur.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Unfortunately, I have no solution to this, but one explanation for the source problem is probably that we simply are too many people on this planet. If that was not the case, I don't think that this problem would occur.

I agree it is part of the problem. When I complain that this or that relationship didnt work out what follows is something along the lines of that there are plenty of fish in the sea. While it maybe true but it never brought me any comfort because it means I have to go in there wearing my heart on my sleeve and risk everything again. It happened often enough that I just decided to give up but the wounds never seem to heal.

 

[ikadasui]

I agree it is part of the problem. When I complain that this or that relationship didnt work out what follows is something along the lines of that there are plenty of fish in the sea. While it maybe true but it never brought me any comfort because it means I have to go in there wearing my heart on my sleeve and risk everything again. It happened often enough that I just decided to give up but the wounds never seem to heal.

For me it's not even that, I just don't like how replaceable people can be. It's disgusting to me. Keep someone around while they suit your needs, and as soon as someone better comes along drop them like they are trash and move on. That's just how all humans are myself included and though I strive to be loyally I'm guilty of it too. Chances are it won't work either, who in their right mind wants to be with an ugly, unintelligent dead beat who can't even drive and is approaching 30? I know I'm fucked and I can't stand going out in public and seeing happy couples anymore lmao I've become so bitter towards it. God forbid I live to see new years and all the shit that brings god forbid

 

[Julgran]

I agree it is part of the problem. When I complain that this or that relationship didnt work out what follows is something along the lines of that there are plenty of fish in the sea. While it maybe true but it never brought me any comfort because it means I have to go in there wearing my heart on my sleeve and risk everything again. It happened often enough that I just decided to give up but the wounds never seem to heal.

For me it's not even that, I just don't like how replaceable people can be. It's disgusting to me. Keep someone around while they suit your needs, and as soon as someone better comes along drop them like they are trash and move on. That's just how all humans are myself included and though I strive to be loyally I'm guilty of it too. Chances are it won't work either, who in their right mind wants to be with an ugly, unintelligent dead beat who can't even drive and is approaching 30? I know I'm fucked and I can't stand going out in public and seeing happy couples anymore lmao I've become so bitter towards it. God forbid I live to see new years and all the shit that brings god forbid

Good replies, you two

Perhaps our modern society simply hasn't accounted for the fact that we have a surplus of men, and that we were never supposed to have a fulfilling life. I mean - take the cave people society of the oldendays, for example - they lived short lives and simply tried their best to surive, and probably killing each other while doing so. In contrast, in our modern society, we use our jobs and relative comfortable life standard to pretend that we don't need to compete like the cave people did, any more, but that is all a lie, since we know that we still need to be the best in this game of musical chairs that we call "life". We can keep existing, but living is something different, and as humans, our needs make us selfish, for a good reason.

 

[Snake of Eden]

For me it's not even that, I just don't like how replaceable people can be. It's disgusting to me. Keep someone around while they suit your needs, and as soon as someone better comes along drop them like they are trash and move on.

I know thats what is driving me crazy too because there doesnt seem to be any intimacy floating around. It is just pretence of it. If there was true intimacy then that person you were once with would never feel they can replace you no matter what. People go through other people like disposable tissue paper. I dont want to partake in that madness it feels very dehumanizing. Other people dont mind that or they are not aware that this is the case because they are too distracted with how things seem to go well for them on the outside they even feel they are entitled to all the love and attention they are getting. To them the universe has favoured them and maybe it did

Good replies, you two

Perhaps our modern society simply hasn't accounted for the fact that we have a surplus of men, and that we were never supposed to have a fulfilling life. I mean - take the cave people society of the oldendays, for example - they lived short lives and simply tried their best to surive, and probably killing each other while doing so. In contrast, in our modern society, we use our jobs and relative comfortable life standard to pretend that we don't need to compete like the cave people did, any more, but that is all a lie, since we know that we still need to be the best in this game of musical chairs that we call "life". We can keep existing, but living is something different, and as humans, our needs make us selfish, for a good reason.

But we are competing though in more sophisticated level. The difference is that beta males can have the upper hand nowadays because it is not so much about the outright fitness and virility of the male competing. It is the same game but with different rules

 

[pole]

i think it's best to refrain from romantic relationships when you're unwell.

particularly, if you have low self-esteem. some people think finding an SO and getting into a romantic relationship would be a life-saver for them because they seek others to love them since they struggle to love themselves. it isn't fair to your SO and most of the time, your insecurities carry into the relationship.

then again, love is beautiful and finding someone that cherishes you deeply is otherworldly. sadly, some people truly are unlovable.

 

[Snake of Eden]

sadly, some people truly are unlovable.

Sometimes at no fault of their own

 

[pole]

Sometimes at no fault of their own

that's what hurts the most honestly. and you come to accept it, instead of fighting it.

can't do anything about it either. just have to come to terms with it and move forward with whatever you choose to do with your life.

 

[Snake of Eden]

that's what hurts the most honestly. and you come to accept it, instead of fighting it.

can't do anything about it either. just have to terms with it and move forward with whatever you choose to do with your life.

It is what it is. Thanks for speaking the painful truth that everyone else rather dance around

 

[Pluto]

Perhaps our modern society simply hasn't accounted for the fact that we have a surplus of men

A very interesting point that would rarely be acknowledged by the mainstream. Even though men can have a legitimate grievance in having to try and normalise such extreme states of loneliness, we must also respect the horrible predatory behaviour that women have to coexist with which is rooted in the same problem.

The role of young men was always to be thrown into the meat grinder of wars and high-risk work. In today's society, young men are raised with the expectation of working for decades to serve governments/corporations with no expectation of any quality of life. Many are completely confused by the expected dynamics of interactions with the opposite gender. It is a recipe for disaster.

People go through other people like disposable tissue paper. I dont want to partake in that madness it feels very dehumanizing.

I just want to add, I am old enough that I remember elder generations that were absolutely nothing like this. They stood by each other no matter what.

However, their culture was based on sticking together and caring for each other to cope with the Great War, the Great Depression and World War II. Our modern culture is based on, what? Chasing the highest quantity of Likes for gym selfies taken on an iPhone?

 

[Snake of Eden]

Our modern culture is based on, what? Chasing the highest quantity of Likes for gym selfies taken on an iPhone?