Venting i give up on feeling.

[synthcadia]

thought about ctbing. i'm tired.

i'm spiraling due to this one person, as they are my trigger.

i am tired of living, just i am.

i am tired of living in this prison.

i'm tired of being myself.

i may just dissociate, idk.

but i think i'm just going to shut down emotionally, idk. i stop caring.

i care if my friends die, but i wonder if they care the same amount. i know some do, but i feel like i care so much that it will kill me. and i can't just not care about them.

i need therapy. i know it. i just need to make my schedule first and everything. it's a wip.

i'm just going to focus on my hygiene, physical health, friends, my weight, and streaming stuff. and lsat stuff too.

i hope i die soon, though sometimes i hope i don't. i think i wish i knew how much people cared about me, genuinely. and i hope it would be reciprocated the same way.

fuck me being born into this life with this personality. i'm too nice. i hate that i'd die to save someone if i could.

 

[Darkover]

they don't care about you nearly as much as you care about yourself.

 

[Traveller12724]

Please don't let them dim your light, you can still give the love you want to see in the world but make sure to choose your friends and people you surround yourself wisely.

 

[kyhoti]

Sometime when I'm feeling this way, I let out my psychopathic traits and say, "Hey, fuck the haters, I'm plowing towards my destiny". I'm really gas-lighting myself, but it does lead to some pleasant days. If I'm being delusional, so what? As long as I don't harm anyone, feeling good when someone says "Good to see you" (if I can tell that they mean it) is great. It actually keeps me going, even knowing that I plan to CTB sooner rather than later. It's a perception shift, that's all. Maybe hedonistic. I really don't care what it is.

 

[synthcadia]

probably and that honestly makes me not want to get close to people lol

they don't care about you nearly as much as you care about yourself.

i definitely need to try to find better people. i think i found a good group and i have 4 good irl friends i've known for a while and more abroad, it's just. just yeah.

Please don't let them dim your light, you can still give the love you want to see in the world but make sure to choose your friends and people you surround yourself wisely.

i think i'm delusional but not like this, and it definitely makes me happier. i know that's not the main part, but i get what you mean, a bit!

Sometime when I'm feeling this way, I let out my psychopathic traits and say, "Hey, fuck the haters, I'm plowing towards my destiny". I'm really gas-lighting myself, but it does lead to some pleasant days. If I'm being delusional, so what? As long as I don't harm anyone, feeling good when someone says "Good to see you" (if I can tell that they mean it) is great. It actually keeps me going, even knowing that I plan to CTB sooner rather than later. It's a perception shift, that's all. Maybe hedonistic. I really don't care what it is.