Venting I gave my family an ultimatum

[Bassem]

My family has hurt me in so many ways and have caused me to be the ill husk of a human I am today, they made so many broke promises one of them being that they'll help me travel abroad after highschool which they obviously lied about, Im planning on CTB soon anyways so I thought I'd give them an ultimatum, either help me travel in the next month or I'm going to end it. I'd feel bad about doing something like this if my family wasn't hellish and genuinely evil . Traveling has been my one and only dream, I hate everyone here, I have never felt kinship or connection and I genuinely hate everything about this country , Ive wanted to leave since I was 14. I'm almost 100% positive that they won't do anything so it's basically just a final resort

 

[Bassem]

Update: my father said "Go die then" and basically said that I can't form connections because I'm a loser.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Update: my father said "Go die then" and basically said that I can't form connections because I'm a loser.

Wow, just Wow! Your father is an asshole. No decent human would say that to anyone, let alone their own child. Anyway for you to travel abroad without their help? Maybe work for a bit and save money to get the hell out?

 

[Bassem]

That's nearly impossible my country is an open air prison, passport is very very weak. It'd probably take me at least 8-10 years just to save ip enough money just to apply for any kind of visa and stay till I'm settled

 

[iamtheiam]

Hey Bassem,

Your family environment sounds incredibly toxic, and I know you're looking at leaving the country as your only way to survive. What your dad said to you is absolutely brutal and inexcusable.
But dropping a "help me leave or I'm ending it" bomb on him is straight-up manipulation. I know it comes from a place of pure despair and pain, not malice, but this is emotional blackmail. And as you just saw, it doesn't work on someone that cold. It just gives him more ammunition to hurt and humiliate you.
If you want to get out, you have to play this smarter. Stop begging him as a desperate son, and stop threatening him like an enemy. Start treating him like a business partner you need to pitch to.
If he's like most toxic, status-driven parents, he doesn't care about your happiness, but he might care about his own wallet or reputation. Find a concrete university program or a job visa abroad. Lay out the exact costs and pitch it as a loan. Tell him you'll sign a contract, get out there, earn in a stronger currency, and pay him back with interest. Frame your departure as a prestigious investment that makes him look good to the neighbors, or offer a compromise where he only covers the upfront visa and ticket costs while you handle the rest.
If he still says no to a rational, honest plan, then you have your final answer: you will never see a dime from him. If that happens, stop wasting your energy fighting a brick wall. It doesn't mean your dream is dead; it just means you'll have to take the longer route through independent scholarships or working locally until you can fund your own exit.
Don't let them win by giving up. Use that anger and desperation as fuel to cut them off and build your own way out.

 

[Bassem]

I've tried that route before, this has been an ongoing promise since I was 17 (I'm now 21) , I did my research, calculated most of the costs of living, told them I'll find a part time job(because I was gonna go to university so I couldn't do full time). I did everything I could do. That was before the economy went to shit (Dollar was worth 15 in my currency then now it's worth 52) . They never wanted to help me, they just wanted to hold it over my head to keep me here, suffering. That's what I understand now. It is nearly impossible to leave on your own like I explained, you guys don't understand how hard it is to leave a 3rd world country purely independently. I will not suffer years trying just for a chance, I need something concrete which was never there and will never be. Everything here gets worse, who knows how bad the economy will get in another 3-5 years. My dad hates me purely for existing, I never hurt him in any way significant. He jumped at the opportunity to tell me I should go die just when presented with the idea , meanwhile I've been mostly living the life of a model son, they don't know anything about me, About my beliefs, sexual orientation, goals. Nothing, they hate me just for existing, I couldn't imagine how much more hate I'd get if they Knew who I really am. The version of me made purely to please them and resembles nothing of the real me still wasn't enough .So no man I don't feel bad for putting up that ultimatum and I think it's pretty fucked up to tell me that manipulating them is evil on my part when They've been the worst thing to ever happen to me