Venting i fucking hate how i act

[dumpsterfire]

i had the chance to tell my dad that im terrified of opening up because im terrified of being told that what i say isnt true. I can't fucking stop thinking about telling him bc i had a nightmare last night that i finally just told my parents and a faceless therapist how i felt and the therapist looked at me and laughed and scolded me and told me that im just acting up for attention because i was on my period and just some stupid kid. my parents both looked at me with shame and i woke up. I believe in coincidences but this doesnt really feel like one, and my dad mentioned the other day that its hard opening up. I had the chance to tell him on the car ride home today that is why i dont open up and maybe get somewhere and finally work through something wrong with me for once in my god damn life and just fucking talk. and i didnt.

 

[oopsallturtles]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's a difficult topic to bring up with anyone, even more so with family.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can sympathise. I wonder- does it come from previous bad experiences? I grew up with a (suspected) narcissist who would accuse me of doing all sorts of awful things (that I didn't do.) The worst thing was that my parents and teachers just pretty much went along with it. The experience has definitely made me paranoid in life- that I'll be accused of things in future that I haven't done and that people won't believe my side of the story.

I remember having a similar fear when I went to see a therapist and my GP because I was really struggling. I was so worried they wouldn't believe me, or- wouldn't think my reasons were serious enough to be there. As it was, I burst into tears the moment I walked through the doctors door and she was really nice.

Don't be harsh on yourself though. It needs to feel right to talk to people. It's not an easy conversation to have. I hope the time presents itself and I hope they are supportive.