I fucking hate being trans fuck

[Sadsadsad0000]

Let me preface this with the fact that I am hardly oppressed. I know that is common for trans people but not me. My misery does not come from the fact I am in danger from being trans. My misery comes from being trans. I guess I am abused for it by my family but that's the worst of it.

And yes, I know this is going to look like a transphobic person posing as a trans person to make us look bad and invalid. No. This is me sharing an experience I haven't seen from these fuckass toxic positivity spaces I see everywhere.

I pass 100%. I'm happy with the way I look. But nobody understands what I am going through! I have not seen a single trans person discuss the horrors of transitioning and then feeling suicidal. I look, look, and look, just to see if I'm not alone, I can't find it! Other trans people are weirded the fuck out when they see someone like me who is so miserable. I lie to them and tell them I'm not trans.

Every time I see myself, I feel disgust. Every time I see a post about being trans. I dissociate. And holidays like this are the fucking worst for me. I wish I was dead! I don't want to be visible to anyone. I'm so angry. Why did I have to fucking be born?

I have trans friends too. My best friends. It hurts them so much when I tell them how I really feel about myself for being trans. I can't talk to them about it anymore because the self-hate makes them feel bad about being trans.

I have nothing against other trans people. I think I just see myself in them and feel disgust. How are they not miserable like me? How?!

I wish I could just transition and have my self-hatred go away. My PTSD manageable. My depression tolerable. My suicidal tendencies reduced. But no! I don't get that! And I have to be a part of this fuckass community that wants to act like everything is all nice because we can take estrogen and shit? Fuck them! Fuck myself. I can't take this anymore. I'm too scared to kill myself but I just have so much hatred inside me. I'm so sad. I'm so angry. I wish I would just drop dead.
Oh yeah and happy trans visibility day too. I fucking hate this life

 

[U. A.]

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[whywere]

My heart really broke reading this, it really did.

At my age and everything that I have seen in 70 years on this planet has taught me one overriding factor.

WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER PERIOD!!!!!!!

We WILL evolve forward OR we WILL be like the dinosaurs and so many other life forms that are NOT here no more.

You ARE a wonderful, kind, caring and ever so thoughtful soul, and I have had the opportunity to meet so many folks from all across the globe in so many years and guess what? We ALL have the same wants, needs and hopes period.

Never ever sell yourself short, never, as you play such an important role in this world. You may not realize it right here and now, BUT you DO!

It is so darn nice having you here as a good friend and I KNOW that you make a difference in my life, again, you may not realize it in the present, but you do.

Lots of hugs, love and YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!!

Walter

 

[vinicuit]

i want to tell you i understand very much what you mean, i believe i hate myself in a way that nothing in my transition would ever help...

i feel unworthy, invalid, gross, unlovable, undesirable, and i blame myself for all of that.. the trans existence is very mean to us and not necessarily only society, but from ourselves. from all of the people around me, i'm the one who's meaner to me.

you're not alone on that, be safe!

 

[eggsausagerice]

@U. A. your reply what i'm thinking.

i don't really understand what they're specifically upset about, even though i can still understand dissociating from the trans label and hating yourself. a lot of trans people deal with self hate, so i don't know why your friends aren't able to relate to you. it feels like a larp to pretend you don't hate yourself. it's funny that today is supposed to be trans visibility day. i never even remember until someone tells me, since it feels like such an afterthought for cis people in the lgbt community.

 

[U. A.]

@U. A. your reply what i'm thinking.

i don't really understand what they're specifically upset about, even though i can still understand dissociating from the trans label and hating yourself. a lot of trans people deal with self hate, so i don't know why your friends aren't able to relate to you. it feels like a larp to pretend you don't hate yourself. it's funny that today is supposed to be trans visibility day. i never even remember until someone tells me, since it feels like such an afterthought for cis people in the lgbt community.

We may not get any more on this; seems like OP mainly uses the public board as a periodic open vent diary of sorts, repeating but never explaining why they hate trans people or disabled people.
Patterns like these are part of why I've become briefer in replies.

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

I get this, I feel subhuman cus im trans, billions and billions of people exist who were born cisgender, why couldn't I have been one them? It's all beyond unfair, the worst part is that even if we're able to overcome the self-loathing we still have to go around trying to prove our existence to people who think we're delusion, confused and mentally ill

Oh yeah and happy trans visibility day too. I fucking hate this life

with the way things are going in the world (for example the laws being passed in the us and india) I struggle to be positive for trans visibility day too
I hope you can be at peace with your identity one day, wishing you the best <3

 

[rainwillneverstop]

We may not get any more on this; seems like OP mainly uses the public board as a periodic open vent diary of sorts, repeating but never explaining why they hate trans people or disabled people.
Patterns like these are part of why I've become briefer in replies.

OP is venting about self hatred and their feelings are completely valid, and they specified it's not about other trans as a whole.
It's not fair to twist this onto them hating trans or disabled people, for what is clearly expressed as self hatred.

 

[U. A.]

they specified it's not about other trans as a whole.
It's not fair to twist this onto them hating trans or disabled people

They literally say they hate both in the second post I linked.