
iamrealandyouarenot
Sad theatre adult
- Jan 14, 2025
- 27
I have severe body image issues and a history of eating disorders and a car wreck that gave me disfigurements. I have ocd and I clean constantly. When I don't I am just extremely uncomfortable, and I feel that I can't do anything, even bathing, sometimes even using the bathroom until it is done. I understand that this is illogical. It's a mental illness like I'm not acting like that's real. What I do feel is real is when I'm sitting in a clean room, with candles lit, and music playing, I think how I don't deserve to sit here because of my body. I purchase expensive clothes and I give them away because they would look better on someone else. I am a good singer, classically trained, it's a waste. Who would want to watch? I'm a good actor, it doesn't matter. I'm smart. I'm funny. It doesn't even matter. I have never failed at anything I've tried to do. I'm not full of myself; I work so hard. I work so hard that it would be embarrassing if I wasn't good at these things. The money I fucking spend to be good at shit, so people fucking like me. I try to be perfect and I succeed in every way except the one that matters. No one cares what you're good at if looking at you makes them uncomfortable. Children stare, that is so fucking hard. The comments I get, its awful. I want to give my clean room to someone else. I want to give my everything to someone else. If I could catch the bus and someone else could have what I have instead, they could take it. It is such a fucking waste and it's sad. I worked so hard, I'm tired of working.