• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block.

iamrealandyouarenot

iamrealandyouarenot

Sad theatre adult
Jan 14, 2025
27
I have severe body image issues and a history of eating disorders and a car wreck that gave me disfigurements. I have ocd and I clean constantly. When I don't I am just extremely uncomfortable, and I feel that I can't do anything, even bathing, sometimes even using the bathroom until it is done. I understand that this is illogical. It's a mental illness like I'm not acting like that's real. What I do feel is real is when I'm sitting in a clean room, with candles lit, and music playing, I think how I don't deserve to sit here because of my body. I purchase expensive clothes and I give them away because they would look better on someone else. I am a good singer, classically trained, it's a waste. Who would want to watch? I'm a good actor, it doesn't matter. I'm smart. I'm funny. It doesn't even matter. I have never failed at anything I've tried to do. I'm not full of myself; I work so hard. I work so hard that it would be embarrassing if I wasn't good at these things. The money I fucking spend to be good at shit, so people fucking like me. I try to be perfect and I succeed in every way except the one that matters. No one cares what you're good at if looking at you makes them uncomfortable. Children stare, that is so fucking hard. The comments I get, its awful. I want to give my clean room to someone else. I want to give my everything to someone else. If I could catch the bus and someone else could have what I have instead, they could take it. It is such a fucking waste and it's sad. I worked so hard, I'm tired of working.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: EmptyBottle and aimless_
bipolar22

bipolar22

Bpd. chronic gastritis. ibs. depression. AUD
Aug 31, 2022
265
If perfectionism, and maybe narcissistic traits clashes with a bodily disfigurement than that can feel disastrous. Its understandable that now CBT seems the only viable options. Now the things that happend to your body are there to stay. the move forward now would be to make piece with your outer self and drawn validation from the things youre good at - entertaining people with your skills you have honed as you described. But to be blunt but gentle letting go of your requirement of having a perfect bodily attractiveness will be very hard and require immense year long work likely with a professional. The choice of how you go forward from hwre is of course completely on you and if the bodily disfigurment is a deal breaker for you than that's how it is. Wish you much courage
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: EmptyBottle
unluckysadness

unluckysadness

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2025
485
I feel you. I worked so hard too and life destroyed (I have OCD too and many other issues)
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: iamrealandyouarenot and EmptyBottle

Similar threads

katara
Replies
9
Views
457
Suicide Discussion
DirtCommie
DirtCommie
K
Replies
4
Views
199
Suicide Discussion
Off_Switch
Off_Switch
im gonna grow wings
Replies
2
Views
137
Suicide Discussion
Forever Sleep
F
lavenderlilylies
Replies
3
Views
123
Suicide Discussion
lavenderlilylies
lavenderlilylies